It was the kind of voice that you never forget. Deep. Warm. Melodic. Soothing， yet with a hint of laughter hidden in those depths. The kind of voice that sends a pulse racing.

　　And that's exactly the effect it had when I heard it again， after five years. But then， it always had.

　　My first serious love. But dreams don't last， do they？

　　It was early evening when the phone rang. I was sitting outside， breathing in the scent of roses and lavender1）。 A fragrant mixture that always calmed me at the end of a long day. "Katy？"His voice. Just as it used to be. For a moment， I couldn't reply， and when I did it was only a whisper. "Ben？"I could imagine his smile. That wide mouth tilting2）。 The corners of his eyes crinkling. The deep cleft in his cheek he refused to call a dimple. "You remember me， then？"I laughed softly. "Oh yes， Ben. I remember you. "And love you， I wanted to add. "Despite. . . "He paused. "Where are you？"I asked him， trying to recognise the background noise. "Gatwick. Just landed. Can we meet up， Katy？"He was here in England. So close. But to meet？No. Not now. Not ever. "Please， Katy. "The sheer desperation in his words throbbed right through me twisting my heart. My teeth bit into my lips， trying to steady them enough to reply. "No， Ben. "Silence hung between us. I remembered the pain in his eyes the last time we'd met. The way they had changed from blue to slate3）。 Lifeless and dead. All laughter gone. Were they like that now？

　　"Ben？"There was a rustle of sound. The cuff4） of his jacket maybe， brushing the receiver. "I'm still here. "His voice was flat， toneless. The way I'd heard it once before. "And I'm determined to see you， whatever you may say， this time. I need you， Katy. "Oh， Ben， if you only knew. I wanted desperately to be with you again. To touch your face， your hair. Feel your warm kiss. Memories ached through me. "I love you， Katy. I always have. Always will. "And I love you. The words beat in my brain， but I couldn't let them loose. If I did. . . "I'll be there in an hour. ""No， Ben. You mustn't. "The phone had already clicked down， leaving a faint buzz. I sat， the receiver pressed against my ear， listening to the noise. Willing Ben's voice to continue. It was over. It had to be. I'd made that decision five years before.

　　Five years. Was that all it was？It see med so long ago now. Until then， everything had been good. Too good. We'd met at a TV comedy show. You know the sort――where there's a live audience. The girl I shared an office with had tickets， but at the last minute her boyfriend went down with a tummy5） bug， so she asked me instead. Ben was in the seat next to mine. The show was so hilarious6） that I lost one of my contact lenses with all the laughing. Panic. Then Ben produced one of those mini torches7） and found it on my sleeve.

　　After the show， we went to a coffee bar. A year later， we were still together

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