英語(yǔ)六級(jí)2分作文范文批改2
英語(yǔ)六級(jí)待批改作文:
With the development of society, there are increasingly individuals who have got psychical disease. Furthermore, they also don’t know psychical disease will lead to disease.
There are some reason for this phenomenon. Firstly, people will have pressure of heavy work, even some people lose the job. They feel very sad and lose value in society. Secondly, they lack of communication with others, and close their thought. Because of they stay online when finish work and so on. They should pay more attention to the situation.
As far as I am concerned. In order to keep our healthy psychical environment. They can do some exercise on their free-times and talk with their friends usually. It is best way of relax. This ways can help us take mind off the job. I believe we will gain more achievement in our future.
作文批改如下：
With the development of society, there are increasingly individuals who have got psychical disease. Furthermore, they also don’t know psychical disease will lead to disease.
There are some reason（加s） for this phenomenon. Firstly, people will have pressure of heavy work, even some people lose the job(改為people are under great pressure,owing to heavy workload or even jobless）. They feel very sad and lose value in(改為valueless to) society. Secondly, they lack of （刪除）communication with others, and close their thought(不能理解你的意思). Because of （刪除，因?yàn)閎ecause of 后面不能加句子）they stay online when finish work and so on（刪除，另外，不能理解你本句要表達(dá)的意思與上一句有何關(guān)系）. They should pay more attention to the situation.
As far as I am concerned. （改為逗號(hào)） In order to keep our healthy psychical environment（改為us psychologically healthy).They (改為we)can do some exercise on their(改為our)free-times and talk with their(改為our) friends usually. It is best way of relax. This ways(刪除s) can help us take mind off the job(不能理解你要表達(dá)的意思). I believe we will gain more achievement in our future.（你寫(xiě)的是在未來(lái)會(huì)獲得更大的成功，這與心理健康問(wèn)題無(wú)關(guān)）
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