雅思寫作:句子擴充的妙用
閱讀 : 次
除了對寫作進行過專門練習的同學,大部分考生在參加雅思考試之前對于雅思寫作方面的練習十分有限,而在對大作文構思的時候,有不少考生都是采用中文思考,然后翻譯成英文的辦法來寫作。但是寫完之后自己重新讀一遍會發現:咦,怎么一點“文采”都沒有了呢?無論句子和段落都是干巴巴的,沒什么味道。所謂的“文采”在比較蹩腳的翻譯過程中自然就流失掉了。
事實上,在英語能力沒達到一個比較高的水平之前,依靠“翻譯”的辦法來進行外語寫作或口語的構思都是一個事倍功半的辦法,不值得推薦。但是如果在目前的情況下暫時做不到用英語來構思整篇文章,對于澳際的雅思學員我們建議通過練習對自己的現有句子進行潤色和改寫的辦法,把內容加以擴充,使措辭、語氣都更加正式,同時也避免了字數無法達到250字目標要求的尷尬,一舉兩得。
舉一個簡單話題“城市空氣污染的原因”(Cause for air pollution in cities)的一個body段為例。以雅思預備4級班某學員作文為例,雖然有思路,但寫得比較“沒味道”,缺乏學術文章要求的可讀性:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city. ②Cars can produce some bad gases. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution. ④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air. ⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
從文中可以看出,該給出的內容和思路也都寫進去了,但是主要存在的問題在于:一,句子之間缺少連接詞,體現不出一個段落中整體的連貫思路,好像每個句子之間沒有關聯,一盤散沙;二,說話的方式和采用的句型過于簡單,這里指的過于簡單并不是說得用很長的從句才合格,而是說需要把一句話所表現的意思稍微擴充一點,而展現出更豐富的思路與嚴謹的意思;三,所用的詞匯太簡單了,可以換成更多樣的表達方式。
澳際的老師改寫如下:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city.
改寫:There is no denying that with the ongoing process of modernization, the number of motor vehicles in the urban area is constantly on the rise.
(評注:每一個觀點開頭時不一定非要用first of all...secondly...thirdly,換一種更自然的開頭方式也許效果會更好。另外,there be句型確實很萬能、很好用,但是如果在任何表意時都用它的話,句型會十分單調。還需要強調一下,換主語的方式有時候也會帶來驚喜哦,給文章增加多樣化的色彩。)
②Cars can produce some bad gas. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution.
改寫:Unfortunately, taking fossil fuels as the dominant propulsion source, these cars could emit a considerable amount of carbon dioxide and even toxic gases, which is largely responsible for the air pollution in the city.
(評注:像②和③句這樣內容關聯很緊密的內容,其實可以合成一句話,使得邏輯上面更加緊湊、合理,英文里面用which引導的定語從句就可以把這個問題解決了;和第①句中with…modernization的狀語結構類似,第②和③句中采用了動詞+ing結構的狀語從句,使句子結構更加豐富;此外,可以加入fossil fuels、carbon dioxide這樣的詞匯來豐富句意中的細節,使文章的內容不止流于表面化;最后,用be largely responsible這樣的結構來表意,平時注意多積累不同的表達方式,可以使考試時不會只想到A is B的最簡單枯燥的表達。)
④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air.
改寫:What is more, some factories could be positioned within the cities or even in the downtown area due to various reasons, which could contribute a lot to the poor quality of air in its neighborhood.
(評注:與上面第②和③句的情況類似,這兩句也可以合并為一句話,使邏輯連貫性更佳;尤其還可以注意,句末沒有再次重復寫city,那詞匯的多樣性就無法體現,而是換了個意思而寫成neighborhood,使整句話意思更加豐富;此外,大家也可以學習下contribute to的用法,很實用。)
⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
改寫:Thus, car and factory emissions both pose as threats to the air quality in urban areas to a great extent.
(評注:原句有種敷衍了事的態度在其中,并沒有對文章的內容作出實際的貢獻,實際上不寫也無傷大雅,而改寫后至少在表達方式上有所轉變,使得文章在思路上沒有變得死路一條。)
總之,擴充和改寫句子的練習對于提升自己的思路寬度和廣度的確有不小的益處。建議大家多用心揣摩體會,一定要親自動手改寫,不要背下例句就算萬事大吉了,這樣才能早日掌握雅思大作文寫作的真諦。
本文標題:雅思寫作:句子擴充的妙用 - 雅思作文_雅思寫作_雅思范文事實上,在英語能力沒達到一個比較高的水平之前,依靠“翻譯”的辦法來進行外語寫作或口語的構思都是一個事倍功半的辦法,不值得推薦。但是如果在目前的情況下暫時做不到用英語來構思整篇文章,對于澳際的雅思學員我們建議通過練習對自己的現有句子進行潤色和改寫的辦法,把內容加以擴充,使措辭、語氣都更加正式,同時也避免了字數無法達到250字目標要求的尷尬,一舉兩得。
舉一個簡單話題“城市空氣污染的原因”(Cause for air pollution in cities)的一個body段為例。以雅思預備4級班某學員作文為例,雖然有思路,但寫得比較“沒味道”,缺乏學術文章要求的可讀性:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city. ②Cars can produce some bad gases. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution. ④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air. ⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
從文中可以看出,該給出的內容和思路也都寫進去了,但是主要存在的問題在于:一,句子之間缺少連接詞,體現不出一個段落中整體的連貫思路,好像每個句子之間沒有關聯,一盤散沙;二,說話的方式和采用的句型過于簡單,這里指的過于簡單并不是說得用很長的從句才合格,而是說需要把一句話所表現的意思稍微擴充一點,而展現出更豐富的思路與嚴謹的意思;三,所用的詞匯太簡單了,可以換成更多樣的表達方式。
澳際的老師改寫如下:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city.
改寫:There is no denying that with the ongoing process of modernization, the number of motor vehicles in the urban area is constantly on the rise.
(評注:每一個觀點開頭時不一定非要用first of all...secondly...thirdly,換一種更自然的開頭方式也許效果會更好。另外,there be句型確實很萬能、很好用,但是如果在任何表意時都用它的話,句型會十分單調。還需要強調一下,換主語的方式有時候也會帶來驚喜哦,給文章增加多樣化的色彩。)
②Cars can produce some bad gas. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution.
改寫:Unfortunately, taking fossil fuels as the dominant propulsion source, these cars could emit a considerable amount of carbon dioxide and even toxic gases, which is largely responsible for the air pollution in the city.
(評注:像②和③句這樣內容關聯很緊密的內容,其實可以合成一句話,使得邏輯上面更加緊湊、合理,英文里面用which引導的定語從句就可以把這個問題解決了;和第①句中with…modernization的狀語結構類似,第②和③句中采用了動詞+ing結構的狀語從句,使句子結構更加豐富;此外,可以加入fossil fuels、carbon dioxide這樣的詞匯來豐富句意中的細節,使文章的內容不止流于表面化;最后,用be largely responsible這樣的結構來表意,平時注意多積累不同的表達方式,可以使考試時不會只想到A is B的最簡單枯燥的表達。)
④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air.
改寫:What is more, some factories could be positioned within the cities or even in the downtown area due to various reasons, which could contribute a lot to the poor quality of air in its neighborhood.
(評注:與上面第②和③句的情況類似,這兩句也可以合并為一句話,使邏輯連貫性更佳;尤其還可以注意,句末沒有再次重復寫city,那詞匯的多樣性就無法體現,而是換了個意思而寫成neighborhood,使整句話意思更加豐富;此外,大家也可以學習下contribute to的用法,很實用。)
⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
改寫:Thus, car and factory emissions both pose as threats to the air quality in urban areas to a great extent.
(評注:原句有種敷衍了事的態度在其中,并沒有對文章的內容作出實際的貢獻,實際上不寫也無傷大雅,而改寫后至少在表達方式上有所轉變,使得文章在思路上沒有變得死路一條。)
總之,擴充和改寫句子的練習對于提升自己的思路寬度和廣度的確有不小的益處。建議大家多用心揣摩體會,一定要親自動手改寫,不要背下例句就算萬事大吉了,這樣才能早日掌握雅思大作文寫作的真諦。
更多 雅思作文、雅思寫作、雅思范文、雅思作文范文、雅思高分范文、雅思作文評分標準,
請繼續關注 英語作文大全
本文地址:http://www.hengchuai.cn/writing/englishtest/ielts/32324.html