雅思寫作:句子擴(kuò)充的妙用
閱讀 : 次
除了對寫作進(jìn)行過專門練習(xí)的同學(xué),大部分考生在參加雅思考試之前對于雅思寫作方面的練習(xí)十分有限,而在對大作文構(gòu)思的時(shí)候,有不少考生都是采用中文思考,然后翻譯成英文的辦法來寫作。但是寫完之后自己重新讀一遍會發(fā)現(xiàn):咦,怎么一點(diǎn)“文采”都沒有了呢?無論句子和段落都是干巴巴的,沒什么味道。所謂的“文采”在比較蹩腳的翻譯過程中自然就流失掉了。
事實(shí)上,在英語能力沒達(dá)到一個(gè)比較高的水平之前,依靠“翻譯”的辦法來進(jìn)行外語寫作或口語的構(gòu)思都是一個(gè)事倍功半的辦法,不值得推薦。但是如果在目前的情況下暫時(shí)做不到用英語來構(gòu)思整篇文章,對于澳際的雅思學(xué)員我們建議通過練習(xí)對自己的現(xiàn)有句子進(jìn)行潤色和改寫的辦法,把內(nèi)容加以擴(kuò)充,使措辭、語氣都更加正式,同時(shí)也避免了字?jǐn)?shù)無法達(dá)到250字目標(biāo)要求的尷尬,一舉兩得。
舉一個(gè)簡單話題“城市空氣污染的原因”(Cause for air pollution in cities)的一個(gè)body段為例。以雅思預(yù)備4級班某學(xué)員作文為例,雖然有思路,但寫得比較“沒味道”,缺乏學(xué)術(shù)文章要求的可讀性:
?、貴irst of all, there are more and more cars in the city. ②Cars can produce some bad gases. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution. ④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air. ⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
從文中可以看出,該給出的內(nèi)容和思路也都寫進(jìn)去了,但是主要存在的問題在于:一,句子之間缺少連接詞,體現(xiàn)不出一個(gè)段落中整體的連貫思路,好像每個(gè)句子之間沒有關(guān)聯(lián),一盤散沙;二,說話的方式和采用的句型過于簡單,這里指的過于簡單并不是說得用很長的從句才合格,而是說需要把一句話所表現(xiàn)的意思稍微擴(kuò)充一點(diǎn),而展現(xiàn)出更豐富的思路與嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)囊馑?三,所用的詞匯太簡單了,可以換成更多樣的表達(dá)方式。
澳際的老師改寫如下:
?、貴irst of all, there are more and more cars in the city.
改寫:There is no denying that with the ongoing process of modernization, the number of motor vehicles in the urban area is constantly on the rise.
(評注:每一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)開頭時(shí)不一定非要用first of all...secondly...thirdly,換一種更自然的開頭方式也許效果會更好。另外,there be句型確實(shí)很萬能、很好用,但是如果在任何表意時(shí)都用它的話,句型會十分單調(diào)。還需要強(qiáng)調(diào)一下,換主語的方式有時(shí)候也會帶來驚喜哦,給文章增加多樣化的色彩。)
②Cars can produce some bad gas. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution.
改寫:Unfortunately, taking fossil fuels as the dominant propulsion source, these cars could emit a considerable amount of carbon dioxide and even toxic gases, which is largely responsible for the air pollution in the city.
(評注:像②和③句這樣內(nèi)容關(guān)聯(lián)很緊密的內(nèi)容,其實(shí)可以合成一句話,使得邏輯上面更加緊湊、合理,英文里面用which引導(dǎo)的定語從句就可以把這個(gè)問題解決了;和第①句中with…modernization的狀語結(jié)構(gòu)類似,第②和③句中采用了動(dòng)詞+ing結(jié)構(gòu)的狀語從句,使句子結(jié)構(gòu)更加豐富;此外,可以加入fossil fuels、carbon dioxide這樣的詞匯來豐富句意中的細(xì)節(jié),使文章的內(nèi)容不止流于表面化;最后,用be largely responsible這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)來表意,平時(shí)注意多積累不同的表達(dá)方式,可以使考試時(shí)不會只想到A is B的最簡單枯燥的表達(dá)。)
?、躍econdly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air.
改寫:What is more, some factories could be positioned within the cities or even in the downtown area due to various reasons, which could contribute a lot to the poor quality of air in its neighborhood.
(評注:與上面第②和③句的情況類似,這兩句也可以合并為一句話,使邏輯連貫性更佳;尤其還可以注意,句末沒有再次重復(fù)寫city,那詞匯的多樣性就無法體現(xiàn),而是換了個(gè)意思而寫成neighborhood,使整句話意思更加豐富;此外,大家也可以學(xué)習(xí)下contribute to的用法,很實(shí)用。)
⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
改寫:Thus, car and factory emissions both pose as threats to the air quality in urban areas to a great extent.
(評注:原句有種敷衍了事的態(tài)度在其中,并沒有對文章的內(nèi)容作出實(shí)際的貢獻(xiàn),實(shí)際上不寫也無傷大雅,而改寫后至少在表達(dá)方式上有所轉(zhuǎn)變,使得文章在思路上沒有變得死路一條。)
總之,擴(kuò)充和改寫句子的練習(xí)對于提升自己的思路寬度和廣度的確有不小的益處。建議大家多用心揣摩體會,一定要親自動(dòng)手改寫,不要背下例句就算萬事大吉了,這樣才能早日掌握雅思大作文寫作的真諦。
本文標(biāo)題:雅思寫作:句子擴(kuò)充的妙用 - 雅思作文_雅思寫作_雅思范文事實(shí)上,在英語能力沒達(dá)到一個(gè)比較高的水平之前,依靠“翻譯”的辦法來進(jìn)行外語寫作或口語的構(gòu)思都是一個(gè)事倍功半的辦法,不值得推薦。但是如果在目前的情況下暫時(shí)做不到用英語來構(gòu)思整篇文章,對于澳際的雅思學(xué)員我們建議通過練習(xí)對自己的現(xiàn)有句子進(jìn)行潤色和改寫的辦法,把內(nèi)容加以擴(kuò)充,使措辭、語氣都更加正式,同時(shí)也避免了字?jǐn)?shù)無法達(dá)到250字目標(biāo)要求的尷尬,一舉兩得。
舉一個(gè)簡單話題“城市空氣污染的原因”(Cause for air pollution in cities)的一個(gè)body段為例。以雅思預(yù)備4級班某學(xué)員作文為例,雖然有思路,但寫得比較“沒味道”,缺乏學(xué)術(shù)文章要求的可讀性:
?、貴irst of all, there are more and more cars in the city. ②Cars can produce some bad gases. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution. ④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air. ⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
從文中可以看出,該給出的內(nèi)容和思路也都寫進(jìn)去了,但是主要存在的問題在于:一,句子之間缺少連接詞,體現(xiàn)不出一個(gè)段落中整體的連貫思路,好像每個(gè)句子之間沒有關(guān)聯(lián),一盤散沙;二,說話的方式和采用的句型過于簡單,這里指的過于簡單并不是說得用很長的從句才合格,而是說需要把一句話所表現(xiàn)的意思稍微擴(kuò)充一點(diǎn),而展現(xiàn)出更豐富的思路與嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)囊馑?三,所用的詞匯太簡單了,可以換成更多樣的表達(dá)方式。
澳際的老師改寫如下:
?、貴irst of all, there are more and more cars in the city.
改寫:There is no denying that with the ongoing process of modernization, the number of motor vehicles in the urban area is constantly on the rise.
(評注:每一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)開頭時(shí)不一定非要用first of all...secondly...thirdly,換一種更自然的開頭方式也許效果會更好。另外,there be句型確實(shí)很萬能、很好用,但是如果在任何表意時(shí)都用它的話,句型會十分單調(diào)。還需要強(qiáng)調(diào)一下,換主語的方式有時(shí)候也會帶來驚喜哦,給文章增加多樣化的色彩。)
②Cars can produce some bad gas. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution.
改寫:Unfortunately, taking fossil fuels as the dominant propulsion source, these cars could emit a considerable amount of carbon dioxide and even toxic gases, which is largely responsible for the air pollution in the city.
(評注:像②和③句這樣內(nèi)容關(guān)聯(lián)很緊密的內(nèi)容,其實(shí)可以合成一句話,使得邏輯上面更加緊湊、合理,英文里面用which引導(dǎo)的定語從句就可以把這個(gè)問題解決了;和第①句中with…modernization的狀語結(jié)構(gòu)類似,第②和③句中采用了動(dòng)詞+ing結(jié)構(gòu)的狀語從句,使句子結(jié)構(gòu)更加豐富;此外,可以加入fossil fuels、carbon dioxide這樣的詞匯來豐富句意中的細(xì)節(jié),使文章的內(nèi)容不止流于表面化;最后,用be largely responsible這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)來表意,平時(shí)注意多積累不同的表達(dá)方式,可以使考試時(shí)不會只想到A is B的最簡單枯燥的表達(dá)。)
?、躍econdly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air.
改寫:What is more, some factories could be positioned within the cities or even in the downtown area due to various reasons, which could contribute a lot to the poor quality of air in its neighborhood.
(評注:與上面第②和③句的情況類似,這兩句也可以合并為一句話,使邏輯連貫性更佳;尤其還可以注意,句末沒有再次重復(fù)寫city,那詞匯的多樣性就無法體現(xiàn),而是換了個(gè)意思而寫成neighborhood,使整句話意思更加豐富;此外,大家也可以學(xué)習(xí)下contribute to的用法,很實(shí)用。)
⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
改寫:Thus, car and factory emissions both pose as threats to the air quality in urban areas to a great extent.
(評注:原句有種敷衍了事的態(tài)度在其中,并沒有對文章的內(nèi)容作出實(shí)際的貢獻(xiàn),實(shí)際上不寫也無傷大雅,而改寫后至少在表達(dá)方式上有所轉(zhuǎn)變,使得文章在思路上沒有變得死路一條。)
總之,擴(kuò)充和改寫句子的練習(xí)對于提升自己的思路寬度和廣度的確有不小的益處。建議大家多用心揣摩體會,一定要親自動(dòng)手改寫,不要背下例句就算萬事大吉了,這樣才能早日掌握雅思大作文寫作的真諦。
更多 雅思作文、雅思寫作、雅思范文、雅思作文范文、雅思高分范文、雅思作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn),
請繼續(xù)關(guān)注 英語作文大全
本文地址:http://www.hengchuai.cn/writing/englishtest/ielts/32324.html