在托福獨(dú)立寫作的備考過程中，想要沖刺滿分并不是想象中的那么簡(jiǎn)單。除了在平時(shí)不斷的練習(xí)之外，匯總和整理一些相關(guān)的例證，看一寫好的范文都是會(huì)給我們的提分帶來很大的幫助。那么，在以下的內(nèi)容中就為大家?guī)硪黄懈懽鳚M分范文，大家要細(xì)細(xì)琢磨一些其中的點(diǎn)評(píng)哦。

托福寫作題目：

A/D Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

30分作文也沒有那么難做到啦。這是一篇近期考出30分寫作的同學(xué)的考前習(xí)作。這個(gè)考試季很多同學(xué)反映寫作壓分，30分的作文單項(xiàng)分已經(jīng)很罕見。我們一起看看，在這個(gè)季節(jié)，什么樣的作文能穩(wěn)穩(wěn)拿下考場(chǎng)高分。

總結(jié)一下幾個(gè)要點(diǎn)

1. 清晰有力的論證邏輯

2. 準(zhǔn)確的用詞

3. 句式的適當(dāng)變化，如排比，虛擬，短句的偶爾出現(xiàn)。

4. 小錯(cuò)誤多次出現(xiàn)可以容忍

托福寫作滿分作文：

Whenever I turn on TV, I see dark themes and plots of programs broadcast on it. Just calculate roughly, there are about 30 programs whose theme is pessimistic in every 40 programs. 【眼尖的同學(xué)一眼能看出來幾處語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，顯然ETS不那么介意;我們要學(xué)習(xí)的是作者用數(shù)字說明問題】And there are so many plots orienting adults that should not be seen by young people.【上面兩個(gè)句子點(diǎn)出電視節(jié)目的兩個(gè)問題，為論點(diǎn)的出現(xiàn)做充足鋪墊】So I strongly believe that movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. 【出論點(diǎn)，論點(diǎn)句要穩(wěn)扎穩(wěn)打，千萬別此刻玩花的，花大了別人沒看懂就麻煩了】This is not only because young people will imitate the inappropriate behavior in the programs, but also because the dark theme of them will distort the way young people view the world.【預(yù)告自己的兩個(gè)分論點(diǎn)，老套的開頭結(jié)構(gòu)，勝在穩(wěn)重清晰】

Firstly, young people may imitate the bad behavior they saw on televisions and movies.【同樣，觀點(diǎn)句不許玩花的，老實(shí)點(diǎn)兒】 Young people, especially children, are not sophisticated enough to think about the consequences【用詞準(zhǔn)確】 or their behavior carefully, and they are often eager to try new things 【解釋論點(diǎn)句為什么成立--因?yàn)槟贻p人有這些特性】. Television programs and movies often include some violent behavior in them in order to make the plots more inviting【用詞準(zhǔn)確】 and attract more people to watch.【重申電視節(jié)目的特點(diǎn)，暴力鏡頭多，與上一句‘年輕人愛模仿’的信息合起來為下一句短句的力量制造必要條件】 So here is the problem【我們一再?gòu)?qiáng)調(diào)的短句的力量】. Young people will probably try those inappropriate【用詞準(zhǔn)確】 behaviors they saw on televisions, thinking they are normal or acceptable.【換個(gè)方式把論點(diǎn)句重新說了一遍，但并不讓人覺得重復(fù)，因?yàn)轫槼猩衔牡倪壿嬐评矶闪ⅰＨ螞]有一個(gè)例子，直接用純論證完成，功力可見】

Secondly, lots of pessimistic themes of television programs or movies will make young people feel sad about the world. 【雖然主語(yǔ)長(zhǎng)了一些，但作為論點(diǎn)句，依然是經(jīng)典的主謂賓結(jié)構(gòu)，簡(jiǎn)潔明了】As mentioned in the former paragraph, there are violence in TV programs and movies, and young people may not only imitate those bad behaviors, but also affected by the sad view in these programs.【借力上一段的內(nèi)容，回點(diǎn)上段，增加文章內(nèi)部的粘結(jié)力，但是在上一段所討論信息的基礎(chǔ)上向前推進(jìn)一步，推出新論點(diǎn)，經(jīng)典的承上啟下結(jié)構(gòu)】 Because they are during a period when their ways of looking at the world are formed, seeing too much about the dark side of the society is no good for their growth.【解釋上一句為什么成立--因?yàn)槟贻p人世界觀正在成形,應(yīng)該用being formed 而不是are formed，但這種小錯(cuò)誤不影響高分】It can create a false sense of reality【用詞準(zhǔn)確，來自平時(shí)的積累】, as if the only newsworthy events are those that are tragic or violent. They may form a bad habit of always looking at people or events from a dark point of view, feeling hopeless and despairing, even conducting some self-destructive behaviors.【這個(gè)列舉的句子如果從sat語(yǔ)法的角度來說也是錯(cuò)誤多多的……不過從語(yǔ)義上來說，做了一個(gè)因勢(shì)利導(dǎo)夸大其詞的論證推斷，三個(gè)列舉層層遞進(jìn)互為因果，還是實(shí)現(xiàn)了列舉的修辭效果的】

Admittedly, there are some programs trying to convey optimistic view to viewers, but their plots are so unrealistic that they cannot convince young people. 【讓步段第一句話，先提出自己之前的論證沒有正視的情況，再明確指出這種情況的致命缺點(diǎn)】And they tell stories in a too exaggerating way, making stories more unconvincing. 【補(bǔ)刀】For example【全文都沒有舉例論證，到這里實(shí)在摒不住了，呵呵】, once I saw a TV program on the daily life of a couple. In order to convey【用詞準(zhǔn)確】 the view that ‘if you do good things, you will always get want you want’, the program told a story that the young man picks up 10000 dollars three times a week just because he always helps his neighbors and the god is touched by him! What a ridiculous story! If I were a child, I would have no desire to do good things, as I didn’t believe I would pick up so much money no matter how many good things I did.【這個(gè)虛擬語(yǔ)氣的使用信手拈來，適合各種假設(shè)狀況的探討】 So even if there are some programs with optimistic themes, I don’t think they will impact young people more than those with pessimistic themes. 【總結(jié)這個(gè)例子對(duì)于自己論點(diǎn)的意義，再次強(qiáng)化自己的立場(chǎng)】

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