關注兒童問題(More Concern for Children Issue)

Suppose Fudan is to choose the hottest newsmakers through public appraisal of the past year, two prodigies, Man Zhou and Han Han, will certainly stand beside the celebrities in scientific domain. Still being controversy, however, their appearances in prestigious Fudan challenge the conventional attitudes toward children cultivation. These two fortune's favorites exemplify some talents who successfully make their own decisions and achieve preliminary accomplishments.

There is no skepticism that our society is experiencing a profound reformation. As most sociologists indicate, children are a more sensitive and particular group that deserves intensive attention. People readily witness the construction development while the distinct shifts that children confront are neglected. Decades ago, people usually need not, or to some extent, could not make their own decisions because the so called "Screw Spirit" was adrotated greatly. One has no choice but to conform and adjust to the arrangement. Compared to their predecessors, present freedom and choices are more readily available to children. Almost everything ranging from education to career, religion to marriage is up to one's own wills. As a consequence, more emphasis should be attached to cultivating children's ability to make their own decisions independently. In this way they will adjust better future's fierce competitions.

Given that children should be entitled to make decisions,there emerges another problem how to make them efficiently.Creativity and talent of children are not new. It is just that their personalities and characteristics are becoming more pronounced.Unfortunately, it frequently happens that one born to be movie star who may probably win Oscar Award someday is excluded in a drama club in school;an innate business elite is dismissed only in the name of violating the rules by selling Christmas cards on campus; a more universal story is that the vast majority of children are merely ordinary people whose requests refer to leading a pacific life. How can parents or teachers impose their values of becoming someone on a child whose propensity is devouring a bestseller during spare time and going to movies with his or her spouse on weekends and refusing to working on additional hours in the unreasonable excuse of a boss. Although one is supposed to exert his utmost in some field, he also possesses the right to choose his or her own life style.

The intricacy of children issue lies not only in the lack of decision making opportunities, but also in being overlooked their essence children, meaning naive and credulous. It grieves us that the rate of adolescent CRImes has been spiraling continuously. The number of teenagers involved in illegal sex, violent hooliganism and drug abuse is still shockingly spiraling. Some people often boast that the new generation are the best one ever before, but few of them are aware of the tough situation. We should not be overoptimistic and it is high time we took some substantial actions to cope with it. It is not lawmakers' job, but the entire society's responsibility.

The ongoing debate concerning children will remain an eternal topic and we must call on more concerns toward them. It is generally accepted that the children nowadays determine future rivals among countries. Consequently, it is worth our enthusiasm and wisdom to resolve this problem.

簡 評

本文開頭比較新穎，不落俗套，從備受爭議的少年作家韓寒為例子談起，順理成章地引出討論的話題，顯示了作者嫻熟的寫作技巧。

作者的語言功底較好，詞匯量比較豐富，在文中使用了許多大詞，如elite，propensity，pacific等，給讀者留下了深刻的印象。作者也大膽地嘗試了較為復雜的句式和被動語態，使文體顯得更為莊重嚴肅。當然，在大詞和復雜句式的使用中難免存在少量這樣那樣的小毛病，如We should not be overoptimistic andit is high time we took some substantialactions tO cope with it.這一句最好拆開成為獨立的兩句話，而不必為了延長句式而拼湊在一起。斷句是中國英語學習者的一大常見問題。最常見的情況是，要么把兩個獨立的意群通過逗號連成一句，要么使用and將兩者綁在一起，這些都是不符合英語的表達習慣的，值得廣大同學注意。

本文結構清晰，語言流暢，被動語態、虛擬語氣、定語從句等結構手段的使用都顯示了作者扎實的語法功底。本文稍欠之處在于作者的觀點不夠明晰，尤其是第三段有沖淡主題之嫌。從文章的標題來看，作者的觀點似乎只是呼吁對兒童的成長問題給予更多關心，而這樣的立論容易流于空泛，因而不易把握，殊為可惜。

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