Alisa Volkman: So this is where our story begins -- the dramatic moments of the birth of our first son, Declan. Obviously a really profound moment, and it changed our lives in many ways. It also changed our lives in many unexpected ways, and those unexpected ways we later reflected on, that eventually spawned a business idea between the two of us, and a year later, we launched Babble, a website for parents.

阿利薩·沃爾克曼Alisa Volkman: 我們的故事是從這里開始的 富有戲劇性的一刻 我們的兒子德克蘭Declan出生了。 顯然這的確是一個非常重要的時刻， 它從各個方面改變了我們的生活。 它對我們的生活產生了很多沒有預料到的改變， 這些改變后來影響著我們， 最終導致我們兩個產生了一個新的商務想法， 一年以后， 我們啟動了Babble 一個給家長的網頁。

Rufus Griscom: Now I think of our story as starting a few years earlier. AV: That's true.

魯弗斯·格里斯科姆Rufus Griscom; 現在我想想， 我們的故事 其實是幾年前就開始了。 ( AV：那是真的。)

RG: You may remember, we fell head over heels in love.

RG：你也許記得， 我們那時徹頭徹尾地相愛。

AV: We did.

AV：是的。

RG: We were at the time running a very different kind of website. It was a website called Nerve.com, the tagline of which was "literate smut." It was in theory, and hopefully in practice, a smart online magazine about sex and culture.

RG：那個時候我們在運作一個非常不同的網頁。 它叫做：Nerve.com 它的標題是有關“色情文學”。 我們希望它在理論上， 或者實踐上也是， 一個睿智地講述 性和文化的時髦網絡雜志。

AV: That spawned a dating site. But you can understand the jokes that we get. Sex begets babies. You follow instructions on Nerve and you should end up on Babble, which we did. And we might launch a geriatric site as our third. We'll see.

AV：這個雜志催生出了一個約會網。 但是你們可能理解我們的玩笑了：性招致嬰兒的到來。 你按Nerve上的說明行事，結果就是得到個小孩， 這就發生在我們身上。 我們還很可能建立一個老年網，等著瞧吧。

RG: But for us, the continuity between Nerve and Babble was not just the life stage thing, which is, of course, relevant, but it was really more about our desire to speak very honestly about subjects that people have difficulty speaking honestly about. It seems to us that when people start dissembling, people start lying about things, that's when it gets really interesting. That's a subject that we want to dive into. And we've been surprised to find, as young parents, that there are almost more taboos around parenting than there are around sex.

RG: 但是對我們來說， Nerve和 Babble之間的傳承 不只是生活中的不同階段， 當然，它們是相關的， 但事實上它們更多地意味著 我們渴望誠實地講述 很多在人們看來非常困難誠實表述的話題。 我們覺得 當人們掩飾的時候， 人們開始撒謊， 這個現象很有意思， 這是我們想要深入的話題。 而我們吃驚地發現， 作為年輕的父母， 為人父母的禁忌 居然比性的禁忌還多。

AV: It's true. So like we said, the early years were really wonderful, but they were also really difficult. And we feel like some of that difficulty was because of this false advertisement around parenting. (Laughter) We subscribed to a lot of magazines, did our homework, but really everywhere you look around, we were surrounded by images like this. And we went into parenting expecting our lives to look like this. The sun was always streaming in, and our children would never be crying. I would always be perfectly coiffed and well rested, and in fact, it was not like that at all.

AV：真的， 如我們所說， 最初的幾年真的是很美好， 但有時也很困難。 而我們覺得某些困難 是因為那些圍繞著為人父母的錯誤廣告造成的。 (笑聲) 我們訂了很多雜志， 做了我們的功課， 但是我們看到的每個地方， 我們都被這樣的圖片包圍著。 我們就是這樣進入家長期的 并期望我們的生活也看著跟這些照片似的。 陽光永遠照耀， 我們的孩子從來不哭鬧。 我常常做好的發型幾近完美，并總能得到充分的休息。 但事實上， 我壓根兒不是那樣的。

RG: When we lowered the glossy parenting magazine that we were looking at, with these beautiful images, and looked at the scene in our actual living room, it looked a little bit more like this. These are our three sons. And of course, they're not always crying and screaming, but with three boys, there's a decent probability that at least one of them will not be comporting himself exactly as he should.

RG：當我們放下這些光鮮的家長雜志 放下那些美麗的圖片， 看著我們客廳里的實際景象， 這才是實際情況。 這是我們的三個兒子。 當然，他們并不總是哭鬧叫喊。 但是， 三個男孩，很可能的情況是 至少其中一個表現不好 正如他本該表現的那樣。

AV: Yes, you can see where the disconnect was happening for us. We really felt like what we went in expecting had nothing to do with what we were actually experiencing, and so we decided we really wanted to give it to parents straight. We really wanted to let them understand what the realities of parenting were in an honest way.

AV：是的， 你可以看到， 發生在我們身上的截然不同的育兒經歷。 我們真的感到我們期望的 和我們實際體驗的沒有任何關系。 所以我們決定要給準備為人父母的人們更直接的認識。 我們真的希望用誠實的方式讓他們懂得 為人父母的現實狀況。

RG: So today, what we would love to do is share with you four parenting taboos. And of course, there are many more than four things you can't say about parenting, but we would like to share with you today four that are particularly relevant for us personally. So the first, taboo number one: you can't say you didn't fall in love with your baby in the very first minute. I remember vividly, sitting there in the hospital. We were in the process of giving birth to our first child.

RG：所以今天， 我們喜歡做的事情 就是跟你們分享做父母的四個禁忌。 當然， 做父母的禁忌遠遠 不止四個。 但我們今天跟你分享四個 和我們個人有關的四個禁忌。 第一個禁忌： 你不能說你沒有在你孩子出生的第一 分鐘就愛上了你的孩子。 我清楚地記得， 坐在醫院那兒。 我們經歷著我們第一個孩子分娩的過程。

AV: We, or I?

AV：我們， 還是我？

RG: I'm sorry. Misuse of the pronoun. Alisa was very generously in the process of giving birth to our first child -- (AV: Thank you.) -- and I was there with a catcher's mitt. And I was there with my arms open. The nurse was coming at me with this beautiful, beautiful child, and I remember, as she was approaching me, the voices of friends saying, "The moment they put the baby in your hands, you will feel a sense of love that will come over you that is [on] an order of magnitude more powerful than anything you've ever experienced in your entire life." So I was bracing myself for the moment. The baby was coming, and I was ready for this Mack truck of love to just knock me off my feet. And instead, when the baby was placed in my hands, it was an extraordinary moment. This picture is from literally a few seconds after the baby was placed in my hands and I brought him over. And you can see, our eyes were glistening. I was overwhelmed with love and affection for my wife, with deep, deep gratitude that we had what appeared to be a healthy child. And it was also, of course, surreal. I mean, I had to check the tags and make sure. I was incredulous, "Are you sure this is our child?" And this was all quite remarkable. But what I felt towards the child at that moment was deep affection, but nothing like what I feel for him now, five years later.

RG：對不起 我用錯了代詞。 阿里薩Alisa 非常慷慨地經歷著我們第一個 孩子的分娩過程--( AV：謝謝。) 我在那里戴著接生手套， 張口雙臂。 護士朝我走來 手里抱著一個非常漂亮的孩子。 我記得當她朝我走來時， 一個朋友的聲音告訴我說： “當你抱著新生兒的那一刻， 你會感到愛環繞著你， 這種力量是你今生今世 從來沒有經歷過的。” 所以我張口雙臂等待擁抱的這一刻。 孩子出生了， 而我也準備好了讓這強大的愛 將我全全包圍。 然而相反， 當護士將孩子送到我手里的時候， 那是特殊的一刻。 在孩子出生后幾秒鐘拍的這張照片里， 他們把孩子放到我的手里， 我把他抱過來。 你們可以看見， 我們的眼睛閃爍著光芒。 我的心中充滿了對我的妻子的愛， 和深深的感謝， 感謝我們得到了一個健康的孩子。 這一切仿佛還不真切。 我是說， 我得查看孩子的標簽來確定。 我懷疑說：“你確定這是我們的孩子嗎？” 那是非常不尋常的一刻。 但是那一刻我對孩子的感情是深深的愛， 但是那種感受和五年后也就是我現在

And so we've done something here that is heretical. We have charted our love for our child over time. (Laughter) This, as you know, is an act of heresy. You're not allowed to chart love. The reason you're not allowed to chart love is because we think of love as a binary thing. You're either in love, or you're not in love. You love, or you don't love. And I think the reality is that love is a process, and I think the problem with thinking of love as something that's binary is that it causes us to be unduly concerned that love is fraudulent, or inadequate, or what have you. And I think I'm speaking obviously here to the father's experience. But I think a lot of men do go through this sense in the early months, maybe their first year, that their emotional response is inadequate in some fashion.

對他的感受不可相提并論， 我們做了件很邪乎的事情。 我們用圖表 記錄了我們對孩子的愛。 (笑聲) 你知道， 這個行為挺邪乎的。 用圖表來記錄愛是不可思議的事情。 而大家不記錄愛的原因 是因為我們認為愛是二進制的東西。 你要么愛，要么不愛。 你愛， 還是不愛。 而我認為其實愛是一個過程。 我覺得把愛看成是二進制 是有問題的， 它會促使我們 過分擔心 愛是虛偽的，不充分的， 或者你到底愛了什么。 我想我現在是代表父親的經驗在說話。 但是我想很多男人都經歷過這種感覺 在最初的幾個月里， 或者第一年 他們的感情反應從某種形式上來看是不夠的。

AV: Well, I'm glad Rufus is bringing this up, because you can notice where he dips in the first years where I think I was doing most of the work. But we like to joke, in the first few months of all of our children's lives, this is Uncle Rufus. (Laughter)

AV: 我很高興魯弗斯Rufus提到這一點， 因為你們可以看見他對孩子的愛在第一年是下降的 那會兒我覺得幾乎所有的活都是我干的。 但是我們喜歡開玩笑， 在我們幾個孩子最初的幾個月里， 我們叫他：魯弗斯Rufus叔叔。 (笑聲)

RG: I'm a very affectionate uncle, very affectionate uncle.

RG：我是個很親昵的叔叔， 非常深情。

AV: Yes, and I often joke with Rufus when he comes home that I'm not sure he would actually be able to find our child in a line-up amongst other babies. So I actually threw a pop quiz here onto Rufus.

AV：是的， 我常常和他開玩笑說 如果我把咱們的孩子和其他孩子排成一排 他是否能把他認出來。 所以我這里給魯弗斯Rufus出一個突擊測驗。

RG: Uh oh.

RG：啊噢

AV: I don't want to embarrass him too much. But I am going to give him three seconds.

AV：我不想讓他感到太尷尬， 但是我會問他三秒鐘。

RG: That is not fair. This is a trick question. He's not up there, is he?

RG：這不公平， 這問題有鬼， 他不在里面，是嗎？

AV: Our eight-week-old son is somewhere in here, and I want to see if Rufus can actually quickly identify him.

AV：我們八個禮拜的兒子在這里面。 我想看看魯弗斯Rfufus 是不是能很快地找到他。

RG: The far left. AV: No!

RG：最左面那個 (AV：不是！)

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

RG: Cruel.

RG：殘忍啊！

AV: Nothing more to be said.

AV: 我沒什么可說的了。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I'll move on to taboo number two. You can't talk about how lonely having a baby can be. I enjoyed being pregnant. I loved it. I felt incredibly connected to the community around me. I felt like everyone was participating in my pregnancy, all around me, tracking it down till the actual due-date. I felt like I was a vessel of the future of humanity. That continued into the the hospital. It was really exhilarating. I was shower with gifts and flowers and visitors. It was a really wonderful experience, but when I got home, I suddenly felt very disconnected and suddenly shut in and shut out, and I was really surprised by those feelings. I did expect it to be difficult, have sleepless nights, constant feedings, but I did not expect the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I experienced, and I was really surprised that no one had talked to me, that I was going to be feeling this way. And I called my sister whom I'm very close to -- and had three children -- and I asked her, "Why didn't you tell me I was going to be feeling this way, that I was going to have these -- feeling incredibly isolated?" And she said -- I'll never forget -- "It's just not something you want to say to a mother that's having a baby for the first time."

我來說說第二個禁忌。 你不能說有個孩子可能會讓你感到孤獨。 我喜歡懷孕， 我熱愛懷孕。 我感到和我周圍的社區緊密相連。 我感到好像每個人都參與了我的懷孕過程， 直到生產的最后一天他們一直在為我算著日子。 我覺得我就是一個承載未來人類的容器。 這種感覺一直帶到醫院， 真是挺來勁的。 大家來看我，送禮物，鮮花。 那可真是非常美好的經驗。 但是當我回到家后， 我突然感到非常隔絕 突然被關閉起來了。 我對這種感覺感到奇怪。 我也預料會比較困難， 會有不眠之夜，不斷地哺乳， 但是我沒想到我會 感到隔絕和孤獨。 而我也很奇怪沒有人告訴我， 我會有這樣的感覺。 我打電話給我姐姐 她跟我很親近， 已經有了三個孩子， 我問她：“你怎么不告訴我會 有這種感覺， 我會有這種非常隔絕的感覺？” 她的回答我永遠不會忘記， 她說： “ 這不是你應該對一個第一次 當母親的人要說的話。”

RG: And of course, we think it's precisely what you really should be saying to mothers who have kids for the first time. And that this, of course, one of the themes for us is that we think that candor and brutal honesty is critical to us collectively being great parents. And it's hard not to think that part of what leads to this sense of isolation is our modern world. So Alisa's experience is not isolated. So your 58 percent of mothers surveyed report feelings of loneliness. Of those, 67 percent are most lonely when their kids are zero to five -- probably really zero to two. In the process of preparing this, we looked at how some other cultures around the world deal with this period of time, because here in the Western world, less than 50 percent of us live near our family members, which I think is part of why this is such a tough period. So to take one example among many: in Southern India there's a practice known as jholabhari, in which the pregnant woman, when she's seven or eight months pregnant, moves in with her mother and goes through a series of rituals and ceremonies, give birth and returns home to her nuclear family several months after the child is born. And this is one of many ways that we think other cultures offset this kind of lonely period.

RG：當然，我們覺得 這正是你應該告訴第一次 做母親的人的話。 而這個，我們的主題之一 就是我們認為 直率和殘酷坦誠 對我們成為好家長 至關重要。 而且我們很難不把 導致這種隔絕的部分原因 與現代社會連系起來。 所以阿里薩Alisa的感受不是個別人的感受。 58%的母親在調查中 報告感到孤獨。 其中， 67%的人在孩子0到5歲 或很可能0到2歲的時候最孤獨。 在準備這個講話的過程中 我們了解了世界上其他文化是如何 應付這個階段的， 因為在西方 幾乎50%的人都不住在娘家附近， 我認為這就是為什么這個階段很難過。 舉例來說： 在南印度， 有個叫jholabihari的習俗， 當孕婦懷孕7，8個月后 就會搬到她母親那里去 在母親家經歷了一系列的慶祝儀式， 在生完孩子幾個月后才回到 自己的小家庭。 這是我們認為其他文化彌補 產婦在這一孤獨階段的手段。

AV: So taboo number three: you can't talk about your miscarriage -- but today I'll talk about mine. So after we had Declan, we kind of recalibrated our expectations. We thought we actually could go through this again and thought we knew what we would be up against. And we were grateful that I was able to get pregnant, and I soon learned that we were having a boy, and then when I was five months, we learned that we had lost our child. This is actually the last little image we have of him. And it was obviously a very difficult time -- really painful. As I was working through that mourning process, I was amazed that I didn't want to see anybody. I really wanted to crawl into a hole, and I didn't really know how I was going to work my way back into my surrounding community. And I realize, I think, the way I was feeling that way, is on a really deep gut level, I was feeling a lot of shame and embarrassed, frankly, that, in some respects, I had failed at delivering what I'm genetically engineered to do. And of course, it made me question, if I wasn't able to have another child, what would that mean for my marriage, and just me as a woman. So it was a very difficult time. As I started working through it more, I started climbing out of that hole and talking with other people. I was really amazed by all the stories that started flooding in. People I interacted with daily, worked with, was friends with, family members that I had known a long time, had never shared with me their own stories. And I just remember feeling all these stories came out of the woodwork, and I felt like I happened upon this secret society of women that I now was a part of, which was reassuring and also really concerning. And I think, miscarriage is an invisible loss. There's not really a lot of community support around it. There's really no ceremony, rituals, or rites. And I think, with a death, you have a funeral, you celebrate the life, and there's a lot of community support, and it's something women don't have with miscarriage.

AV：第三個禁忌是 你不能談你流產的事情，但是今天我要來講講我的經歷。 我們有了德克蘭Declan以后， 我們重新調整了我們的期望。 我們的確想要第二個孩子， 我們認為我們已經知道我們面對的是什么了。 我們也很感激我又能懷上孩子。 很快我就得知我們會有一個男孩。 而我懷孕5個月的時候， 我發現我們的孩子沒了。 這是我們有關他的最后一張照片。 顯然那是非常困難的一段時間 非常痛苦。 在我哀痛的過程中， 我吃驚地發現我不想見任何人。 我只想爬到一個洞穴中去。 我不知道我怎樣回到 自己周圍的社群中去。 我認識到， 我的那種種感受 都帶有很深的負罪感， 我感到非常羞辱 尷尬， 坦白說 從某種角度來說， 我覺得我沒有 能夠完成我天生造就我應該能做的事情。 當然，這使我也疑惑 如果我不能再生孩子， 那這對我們的婚姻意味著什么， 我怎樣才算一個合格的女人。 所以那段時間很難。 當我開始著手應付它的時候， 我開始爬出洞穴與人交談。 我真的很吃驚 那些故事像洪水般涌來。 那些每天跟我交往的人 一起工作的人， 朋友們 我認識了很久的親戚們 從來沒有跟我講過她們的故事。 我只覺得這些故事好象是從地縫里冒出來似的。 我發現自己撞進 了這個秘密的婦女組織， 這讓我剛到既放心又擔心。 我想 流產是一個隱形的損失。 它沒有得到很多社區的支持。 它沒有典禮， 沒有儀式。 我想， 如果人死， 那有葬禮， 頌揚一生， 會得到很多社區的支持。 但是婦女流產不會得到同樣的待遇。

RG: Which is too bad because, of course, it's a very common and very traumatic experience. Fifteen to 20 percent of all pregnancies result in miscarriage, and I find this astounding. In a survey, 74 percent of women said that miscarriage, they felt, was partly their fault, which is awful. And astoundingly, 22 percent said they would hide a miscarriage from their spouse.

RG：當然， 這是很糟糕的， 其實這是很常見和傷害很大的經歷。 流產的比率是百分之15 到20。 令我吃驚的是 調查表明， 百分之74的婦女說 她們感到流產是由于她們的過錯，真太可怕了。 更令人吃驚的是， 百分之22 的人說， 她們對她們的丈夫隱瞞流產的事情。

So taboo number four: you can't say that your average happiness has declined since having a child. The party line is that every single aspect of my life has just gotten dramatically better ever since I participated in the miracle that is childbirth and family. I'll never forget, I remember vividly to this day, our first son, Declan, was nine months old, and I was sitting there on the couch, and I was reading Daniel Gilbert's wonderful book, "Stumbling on Happiness." And I got about two-thirds of the way through, and there was a chart on the right-hand side -- on the right-hand page -- that we've labeled here "The Most Terrifying Chart Imaginable for a New Parent." This chart is comprised of four completely independent studies. Basically, there's this precipitous drop of marital satisfaction, which is closely aligned, we all know, with broader happiness, that doesn't rise again until your first child goes to college. So I'm sitting here looking at the next two decades of my life, this chasm of happiness that we're driving our proverbial convertible straight into. We were despondent.

第四個禁忌是 你不能說你日常的快樂感 因為從有了孩子以后降低了。 統一的的說法是我的生活的各個方面 在我參與到孩子的出生 和家庭的擴大的奇跡中后 得到了巨大的改善。 我永遠都不會忘記， 我今天還記憶猶新， 我們第一個孩子德克蘭Declan九個月大的時候， 我在沙發上坐著， 我在讀丹·吉爾伯特Daniel Gilbert精彩的書：《撞上快樂》。 我讀完三分之二的時候， 右邊的那頁列了一張表。 在右邊這頁， 我們貼了標記： “最讓剛剛為人父母害怕的 的圖表。” 這張圖表是四個完全獨立的研究的成果組成的。 簡單地說， 生孩子后婚姻滿意度 會徒然下降， 這跟廣泛意義上幸福感的升降基本一致 而這種幸福感一直到 你第一個孩子上大學后才會回升。 我坐在那里想到我未來20多年的人生 設想我們駕駛著敞篷車長驅直入 到這種幸福的深淵。 我們感到郁悶極了。

AV: So you can imagine, I mean again, the first few months were difficult, but we'd come out of it, and were really shocked to see this study. So we really wanted to take a deeper look at it in hopes that we would find a silver lining.

AV：你們可以想象，最初的幾個月是比較困難的， 但是我們克服了， 當我們看到這個研究報告時，也的確很震驚。 我們真的很想深入了解它 希望我們可以找到一線曙光。

RG: And that's when it's great to be running a website for parents, because we got this incredible reporter to go and interview all the scientists who conducted these four studies. We said, something is wrong here. There's something missing from these studies. It can't possibly be that bad. So Liz Mitchell did a wonderful job with this piece, and she interviewed four scientists, and she also interviewed Daniel Gilbert, and we did indeed find a silver lining. So this is our guess as to what this baseline of average happiness arguably looks like throughout life. Average happiness is, of course, inadequate, because it doesn't speak to the moment-by-moment experience, and so this is what we think it looks like when you layer in moment-to-moment experience. And so we all remember as children, the tiniest little thing -- and we see it on the faces of our children -- the teeniest little thing can just rocket them to these heights of just utter adulation, and then the next teeniest little thing can cause them just to plummet to the depths of despair. And it's just extraordinary to watch, and we remember it ourselves. And then, of course, as you get older, it's almost like age is a form of lithium.

RG: 這是為父母們提供一個網頁的好時機， 因為我們的優秀的記者們 采訪了那些撰寫了研究報告 的科學家們。 我們是覺得，這研究結果有點不對勁。 這些研究里缺乏了什么東西。 結果不可能這么糟糕。 所以我們的記者莉斯·米切爾liz Mitchell寫了這篇精彩的文章。 她采訪了四個科學家， 她也采訪了丹·吉爾伯特Daniel Gilbert。 我們真的發現了一線曙光。 所以我們猜想 貫穿人一生的幸福的平均基線圖 是什么樣的。 平均的幸福， 當然是不夠的， 它不能表達 不同時刻的經歷。 所以我們覺得 當你疊加進不同時刻的經歷后 幸福曲線圖應該是這樣的。 我們都記得我們的童年， 我們可以在孩子的臉上看到 那些芝麻綠豆的小事情 就可以讓他們開心得不得了 那真是可愛至極， 接下來，另一件芝麻綠豆的小事 又可以讓他們悶悶不樂，傷心至極。 觀察這些時刻特別有趣，而我們自己也記得這些往事。 然后， 當你長大了， 年齡就像鋰一樣，

As you get older, you become more stable. And part of what happens, I think, in your '20s and '30s, is you start to learn to hedge your happiness. You start to realize that "Hey, I could go to this live music event and have an utterly transforming experience that will cover my entire body with goosebumps, but it's more likely that I'll feel claustrophobic and I won't be able to get a beer. So I'm not going to go. I've got a good stereo at home. So, I'm not going to go." So your average happiness goes up, but you lose those transcendent moments.

鋰是越老越穩定。人是越老越穩重。 其中，在20，30歲之間， 你開始學著維系你的幸福。 你會意識到 “我可能去音樂會現場 會得到那種徹底享樂的感受 我渾身上下都很激動， 但是我更會感到幽閉恐怖 我都沒法買瓶啤酒。 所以我不去了。 我家里有很好的立體音響器材， 所以， 我還是不去了。” 所以你的平均的幸福感提升了， 但是你失去了那些超級享樂的時刻。

AV: Yeah, and then you have your first child, and then you really resubmit yourself to these highs and lows -- the highs being the first steps, the first smile, your child reading to you for the first time -- the lows being, our house, any time from six to seven every night. But you realize you resubmit yourself to losing control in a really wonderful way, which we think provides a lot of meaning to our lives and is quite gratifying.

AV:是的， 然后你有了你的第一個孩子。 然后你真的把自己跟這些 幸福最高點和幸福最低點間的生活聯系在一起-- 幸福值高的地方是孩子的第一步，第一個笑臉， 你的孩子第一次為你讀書； 幸福值低的時刻是我們家每天晚上6點到7點。 但是你認識到你是身不由己地投入到 一種美好的生活方式中去， 我們覺得它對我們的人生有很大的意義 我們為此很感激。

RG: And so in effect, we trade average happiness. We trade the sort of security and safety of a certain level of contentment for these transcendent moments. So where does that leave the two of us as a family with our three little boys in the thick of all this? There's another factor in our case. We have violated yet another taboo in our own lives, and this is a bonus taboo.

RG:所以結果是 我們用我們的平均幸福作了交換。 我們用那些安全保險 為我們帶來的一定程度上的滿意 去交換那些特殊時光。 而這一切將給我們兩個 和我們的三個男孩 產生什么影響呢？ 對我們家而言還有另一個因素。 在我們的生活里，我們又違犯了另一個禁忌 。 這是一個額外的禁忌。

AV: A quick bonus taboo for you, that we should not be working together, especially with three children -- and we are.

AV：這是一個額外的禁忌經驗， 我們不應該在一起工作 特別是和我們三個孩子在一起 但是我們還是在一起工作了。

RG: And we had reservations about this on the front end. Everybody knows, you should absolutely not work with your spouse. In fact, when we first went out to raise money to start Babble, the venture capitalists said, "We categorically don't invest in companies founded by husbands and wives, because there's an extra point of failure. It's a bad idea. Don't do it." And we obviously went forward. We did. We raised the money, and we're thrilled that we did, because in this phase of one's life, the incredibly scarce resource is time. And if you're really passionate about what you do every day -- which we are -- and you're also passionate about your relationship, this is the only way we know how to do it. And so the final question that we would ask is: can we collectively bend that happiness chart upwards? It's great that we have these transcendent moments of joy, but they're sometimes pretty quick. And so how about that average baseline of happiness? Can we move that up a little bit?

RG：我們一開始對這條禁忌有保留意見。 每個人都知道，你不要跟你愛人一起工作。 事實上一開始我們為Babble募集資金時， 那個風險投資人說， “我們絕不投資 由夫妻一起創建的公司， 因為這另加了一個失敗的因素。 這是壞主意， 不要這么做。” 而顯然我們還是這么做了。 我們募集到了資金， 我們特別高興， 因為在人生的這個階段中， 最寶貴的財富是時間。 而如果你真的對你所從事的事情充滿熱情， 如我們一樣， 而你也很在乎你們的關系， 那么，夫妻搭檔在一起工作，這就是我們知道的唯一的辦法。 所以我們最后的一個問題是： 我們能不能將幸福曲線的圖表往上調整？ 我們生活中有這些特殊的幸福時刻當然很好， 但是有的時候它們來得快去得快。 我們能不能將幸福的平均基線 提高一些呢？

AV: And we kind of feel that the happiness gap, which we talked about, is really the result of walking into parenting -- and really any long-term partnership for that matter -- with the wrong expectations. And if you have the right expectations and expectation management, we feel like it's going to be a pretty gratifying experience.

AV：我們感到我們原來所謂的幸福 是針對步入家長的這一過程中 和建立任何長期的關系中 帶有錯誤的期望而言的。 如果你建立了正確的期望和管理期望的手段， 我們發現結果是可喜的。

RG: And so this is what -- And we think that a lot of parents, when you get in there -- in our case anyway -- you pack your bags for a trip to Europe, and you're really excited to go. Get out of the airplane, it turns out you're trekking in Nepal. And trekking in Nepal is an extraordinary experience, particularly if you pack your bags properly and you know what you're getting in for and you're psyched. So the point of all this for us today is not just hopefully honesty for the sake of honesty, but a hope that by being more honest and candid about these experiences, that we can all collectively bend that happiness baseline up a little bit.

RG：這就是 我們認為很多家長， 你們來到這里， 和我們一樣， 你打好了包裹去歐洲旅行，你特別興奮地想去。 上了飛機， 結果你是在尼泊爾徒步旅行。 徒步在尼泊爾旅行本身是一個非常特殊的經驗， 特別是如果你合理地準備了行裝， 你知道你來干什么的， 你會非常激動。 所以今天我們講這些的關鍵不是 希望大家為誠實而誠實， 而是希望通過誠實坦白地講述這些經歷， 我們才可以攜手努力 將我們的幸福基線抬高一點。

RG + AV: Thank you.

RG+AV：謝謝。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

 

 

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