BEC考生練習寫作時，看范文會不知道自己的問題在哪里，自己寫的作文也不知道該如何改進，下面是兩篇范文和詳細的點評，說不定也能發現自己練習時的問題。

　　筆者上商務英語的課已經有些年頭了。個人的體會是，商務英語課程以其務實、針對性強而受到學生的青睞，近年來報考的學生數明顯大幅上升。當然要得高分也不易，尤其是作文部分，由于BEC寫作和我們傳統的作文考試題要求相差較大，學生比較難以適應。

　　本文通過對BEC中級考生文章的分析，給廣大考生一點備考建議。

　　首先一點，我們必須牢記，歸根結底，BEC作文考察的還是考生英語表達能力。所以學生并不需要擔心自己缺乏這方面的實際經驗是否會影響考場發揮。(順便提一句，BEC高級對商務知識的要求大大提高，因此考生要在語言功底上苦下功夫。比如說，寫商務報告的固定格式和用于必須牢記在心。)

　　與此同時，試題結合商務實戰的特點，要求文章必須包含特定信息點，或者是通過提供信息源，以及考題中的標注，規定考生寫作的具體范圍和內容。所以審題是關鍵，所有已知條件都必須充分利用，換言之，如果遺漏已知條件，就會因信息表達不完整而導致失分。以下是對我的一名學員習文進行點評。

　　PART ONE

　　You have been informed that next Wednesday your company's computer system will be closed down so that improvements can be made.

　　Write an email to all staff in your department:

　　? saying what time on Wednesday the system will be closed down

　　? suggesting how staff should prepare for this

　　? saying how the system will be better after the improvements

　　Write 40--50 words

　　學生作文：

　　From: Jenny Xu

　　To: All Staff

　　Date: 5 April 2009

　　Subject: Computer System

　　I want to tell you that our Intranet based on Linux will be closed next Wednesday at 10 o’clock.. I want to suggesting that you should save all your important documents. The computer system will be faster because we will use a newer SAP system. The new system is according to ISO900 and we will benefit from that.

　　作文解析：

　　BEC作文解答時，審題非常重要。題目中給出的要求就好比是解代數題中已知條件，都要用到。小作文處理的時候，大家不妨可以把每一個已知條件擴寫成一句句句子，同時兼顧句子之間的連接。

　　通常學生犯的錯誤是：

　　1. 漏掉題中給出的已知條件。

　　2. 給出的已知條件沒有表達清楚，用詞過于口語化，沒有條理，暴露出語言功底薄弱。

　　3. 切忌過于花哨的發揮，多說多錯。

　　這篇學生的作品是比較典型的案例。作者有一定的英語表達能力和工作經驗，但文章中所暴露出來的不足也是明顯的。寫作不能從細處下筆，而是先要搭建框架。

　　以這篇習文為例，作者在具體語言的表達的雕琢上可圈可點，比如說第一個句子中based on引導的過去分詞做后置定語，但是顯而忘記了這篇文章的主要目的，那就是通知同事公司電腦系統要升級，但update這個詞始終沒有在文章中出現，因此讀下來以后，可能同事還不是非常清楚，為什么computer system will be closed down, 盡管后面提到了improvement，總讓人覺得有些如鯁在咽，言之不盡;因此，思路不清晰是這篇習文最大的問題。

　　此外，本文還有以下一些問題：

　　1. 有些用詞過于口語化，比如說，文章開頭, I want to tell you, 文中you should save這樣的用語;

　　2. 建議Linux, 將SAP, ISO900等唬人術語統統除去，誠然BEC涉及到基本的商務知識，但是真正考核的還是語言功底，語用能力;商務知識好比是蓋澆飯里面的小炒而已。

　　3.里面還有一個明顯的語法錯誤，I want to suggesting….，當然閱卷者不會刻意去搜尋語法錯誤，而是綜合考量語法得分，但由于小作文篇幅較短，那么這個錯誤就顯得非常明顯。

　　范文：

　　Please be informed that our computer system will be closed next Wednesday at 12 o'clock for system upgrade. The closure will last for at least two hours. Make sure that you have saved all your documents before that time. The whole system will run on a new server, much faster than the current one.

　　PART TWO

　　You work for PJT Ltd, a manufacturing company. You need more staff in your department and your line manager has asked you to write a report explaining why.

　　Look at the information below, on which you have already made some handwritten notes.Then, using all your handwritten notes, write your report.

　　Write 120-140 words.

　　學生作文：

　　The purpose of this report is to explain why we need more staff in our department.

　　We compare the number of staff in our department between 2001 and 2003, it only increased five staff. But the average number of ordered units grow up from 200000 to 400000 between 2001 and 2003.

　　Our sales department has announced a big new order from an international company recently. It will bring us much more workload. And the annual holiday increased to 5 weeks per year. That means that we have more workload and less working days.

　　If we had more staff the order should be on time. We should save our company’s reputation. And the workflow will be improved.

　　作文解析：

　　BEC中級的大作文題型一般以寫報告、書信為主，因此，這些必考問題的具體格式必須掌握。英文商務報告的格式有五個部分組成，其中包括報告的 Subject, Introduction (This report aims/sets out to……)，Findings (it was found that)， Conclusions(It was decided/agreed/felt that……)， Recommendations (It is suggested that…..) 括號中是每段開頭固定的表達方式，考生不宜自己去創造。同樣寫信也有格式化的表達方式，再此恕不展開。 和第一部分一樣，大作文的寫作審題是第一步，所有給出的已知條件必須用足。

　　本文中：

　　1.考生的習文字數恰當。但沒有把報告應有的四個部分寫完整，這將導致大量失分。在以上的習文中，考生表現出了不錯的語言駕馭能力。

　　2.在審題上還有一些欠缺，比如 Another reason for more staff is that we will have fewer delays. 在題目中給出的已知條件中，有一份客戶的投訴信件，應當作為佐證被引用，否則order should be on time無從談起。

　　3.除了沒有按照報告的固定格式外，考生語言太隨意。比如說，our sales department has announced a big new order，沒有出處，而根據文章中給出的已知條件，這是公司Newsletter所通告的，那么根據報告的要求，應該指出信息來源。

　　4.中國學生還普遍特別敏感的就是企業的信譽，因此經常會看到學生動輒就是喊口號的語言，比如說文中We should save our company’s reputation. 這樣空洞無物的話應該避免。

　　5.還有就是細節處理，句子和段落之間連接忽略了。比如說，It will bring us much more workload. And the annual holiday increased to 5 weeks per year. 以及最后一句話And the workflow will be improved.其中的and 這個詞用在這里顯隨意了些，可以考慮用Meanwhile 有“禍不單行”的意思。后面的And 應該刪除。That means that we have more workload 這里兩個that離的太近，可以考慮把后面一個去掉，同時時態應該是we will have。

　　范文：

　　Report on: More staff in our department

　　Date: 27.03.2004

　　Introduction

　　This report aims to explain why our department needs more staff.

　　Findings

　　Statistics show that there exists a big gap between the number of staff in our department and staff workload. While the number of ordered units grew up from only 200000 to 400000 in 2 years, the number of staff grew only by 5 people. According to the Staff Newsletter dated February 2004, we have won a big new order from an international company. That will bring us more work. At the same time, annual holiday has been increased to 5 weeks per year, meaning there won’t be enough staff for all the work. Our customer service department recently received a complaint from one of our clients about a tremendous delay in our delivery.

　　Conclusion

　　There are many reasons which explain the need of more staff. It is especially important for reducing the number of delays in delivery and to optimize the workflow.

　　Recommendations

　　More staff does not only mean more costs, it also means improved customer satisfaction.

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