BEC寫作：BEC名師點評網友作文:備忘錄
本期作文題目：
你是一家國際大公司的人力資源部經理。你剛剛任命弗朗西斯卡女士為公司總部的銷售經理。
給總部的全體員工寫一個字數為40-50的備忘錄：
(1)宣布對弗朗西斯卡女士的任命。
(2)說明她開始工作的具體時間。
(3)要求總部員工準備歡迎她。
提示：
1 注意這次的備忘錄不是直接寫給個人的，而是寫給集體員工的，因而格式上一般不用信頭稱呼的形式，也不采用在結尾處署上寫信人的名字的方式，而是在備忘錄的開頭處寫明收信
人To___________，在結尾處寫明具體的寫信人From__________以及題:Re_______
或Subject：__________。
2 要看清角色要求，作為經理給總部的全體員工寫備忘錄，文體不必太正式。
老師建議：
首先，我們要了解一篇memo的基本格式：
MEMORANDUM
From: Olive HR Manager To: All staff
Date: 12 June, 2008 Subject: Appointment of Francisco
Here we announce the appointment of Mrs. Francisco as our new Sales Manager of the Headquarter. She will be starting her job next Monday morning. There will be a small welcome party by 9:00 that day so everyone please be on time.
從基本格式來看，網友的作文在格式上欠缺完整。
職位稱呼錯誤。
其次，寫一篇作文，我們說任何形式的BEC作文，都要考慮如下因素：
Who is going to read my memo?
What has the reader already known about this?
What does the reader need to know?
How is the reader going to respond my memo?
第三，memo盡量使用短句，這樣表達清晰，結構緊湊。
第四，字數超，memo使用詞匯要簡短干練，確保大家都看得懂。
第五，寫memo前要考慮清楚字句的組織，用精練的語言，有頭有尾地把memo完成。
網友作文一：
MEMORANDUM[1]
TO: All employees
FROM: PR Manager
SUBJECT: Welcome new marketing manger
Ms Francisca is appointed to the marketing manager of our company for her rich experences and excellent performance for many years.[2]
Since the marketing department is so important for our company,Ms Francisca should start to work as early as possible. Tomorrow, she will come and in charge of this department[3] .
As a way to express our welcome, every member is required to gather togather [4] at 8 o'clock in the hall of the company and wait for the coming of Ms Francisca. Don't be late[5] !
[1]格式開頭很好，可惜不完整。
[2]后面的句子意義不大，可以取掉。
[3]整句看起來完全有中式英文的痕跡。這么大的銷售部，豈是明天說接管就接管的?
[4]拼寫錯誤!
[5]口語化明顯。改為：Please be sure to come on time.
網友作文二
To all staff[1]
All members, today I want to give a announcement. You will have a new sals manager, Mrs. Francsisc[2] . She will take the duty on next Monday. And you will be fond of her because she is easy to please. So you must be ready to welcome the lady[3] .
From Alfred
Re Assignment
[1]格式不對
[2]明顯是中式英文。
[3]這句話有命令的意味，怎么會must 歡迎呢?
網友作文三：
to all staff[1]
attentiong please,ms Francis which[2] is new sales manager will come to here on 8:00 pm 7,6,2008, so that time all of you should give her a big welcome.
From Human resources manager
7,5 2008
[1]格式沒有
[2]我說，這位經理別管男女，是人呢，怎么能用which ?
網友作文四：
To All employees,
I am very pleased to announe [1] the appointment of Ms Fransica as our new sales manager at head office. She will be officially on board from Aug.01.2008. Please join me to give her the warmest welcome. Thank you!
From Mr Wu [2]
[1]拼寫錯誤
[2]基本邏輯正確，語言干練，美中不足：格式欠缺。
網友作文五：
To all the staff of HQ：
Aftering serious consideration and consultation，we decide to appoint Mrs.Francisco [1] the sales manager of HQ. She is expected to start her new work next Monday. we will give her a short welcome meeting then，so all of you please make a preparation for it.
From Mike，HR manager
Re：Appointment[2]
[1]加入as
[2]顛倒了!這個應該在開頭!
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