自官方發布劍橋11以來，不少同學都已經發現，這一本真題給出的寫作范文，不再是滿分官方范文，而是各種不同分數段的8篇范文。所以，小站雅思學科頻道想在此提醒這位考生，大家在復習雅思的時候一定要多加分析低分的原因，這樣才能有方向地提高自己的寫作能力。

經典傳送：劍橋雅思3-11寫作考官9分范文匯總傳送

劍11中評分標準仍然是四個方面，但是我們可以再直白一些地界定這些標準的內涵并在實際寫作中衡量自己的文章水平：

1. Task Achievement——overview+key features圖表信息概述+主要特征(小作文題目要求中明確指出：Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.)

2. Coherence and cohesion——organization組織性：分段和分句，尤其是要注意句與句之間的邏輯關系和銜接手段，這直接決定著語法上的句式多樣性和復雜性

3. vocabulary——詞匯：詞匯的準確性對于圖表類作文來說難度并不大，多樣性才是值得關注的點

4. grammar——語法：語法的準確性不僅限于一個句子之內，包括標點符號的正確與否，也會直接影響的表達效果。

以下是一篇Band 4.5的學生習作，及其修改過程，我們借以深刻理解并學會根據以上的評分標準來約束并提高自己的寫作實力。

題目：2015年06月13日(題目本身信息難度不大)

The charts show the information about the water consumption and water residential use in Australia in 2004.

The charts include the information which represent the Australian water consumption and residential use in 2004.

The residential cost +of water is divided into two parts,》: one is +for house and another one》the other is +forapartment. The house one》The former accounted for the most part which is》was 57 percent. As for the apartment, one》itis much less than +the water use inside the house, which is only 13 percent. There are also several other fields, including industry, business, government and others. but compare with the residential use , their total cost is only a small section. others take 3 percent which is the smallest one. government is the second smallest which only occupied 6 percent. the business and industry are respectively 10 percent and 11 percent.

》》將以上句子進行合并：

Compared with the residential water usage, several other fields consumed only a small section of water, including industry, business, government and others, the amount of which are 11%, 10%, 6% and 3% respectively.(提高句子表達效率和效果)

講解：通過本段可以看出，該生信息描述不夠準確，語言比較重復，而且標點符號錯誤率很高。

In addition, there are five parts will have》need water consumption inside a home,》. They are bathroom, toilet, washing clothes, kitchen and garden.-->, each accounting for 28% 15% 20% 10% and 27% separately.

講解：標點問題直接引發語法問題，而且對于動詞時態的把握也有失偏頗。

全文缺少overview，所以導致字數嚴重不足。

來看老師給出的參考例文：

The charts show the information about the water consumption and water residential use in Australia in 2004.——改寫

The pie chart compares the amount of water consumed in some different areas in the year 2004 in Australia. The table shows how much water was consumed in Australian families.

It is clear that most of water was used in the domestic sector, while outdoor water use accounted for a big part.——overview

We can see from the pie chart that water exerted a big role in the local family since 70% of water was consumed indoors, with 57% in residential houses and 13% of it used in residential apartments, while然而 governments and businesses needed lots of water, at around 10% respectively.——餅圖

Although outdoor water use, such as gardening, made up approximately 30% of household use, the rest of themwas》were used in the room. 28% of water was used for shower, followed by washing clothes (20%). Toilet and kitchen seemed to consume the least water in the bar chart.——柱圖

166 words

對于題目主干信息的表達多樣性，是非常值得我們借鑒和學習的：

(1)家庭：

house——household

domestic sector

local family

(2)用水：

water consumption

water was consumed

water use

needed lots of water

water was used for shower

consume the least water

ps：雖然貌似詞匯有限，但是多樣性表達還是真真切切地做到了。此外，“使用”還可以表達為“utilise”或“utilisation”

該例文可以達到8 分水平：

(1)文章內容健全。

(2)組織合理：段落分布清晰，句子連接緊密而且邏輯自然通順;

(3)單詞充足且基本準確，但是局部單詞使用不夠精準，比如第二個圖不能同table來表示，用bar或者column更加準確;

(4)語法方面，the rest of them was顯然主謂不一致，應該改成were，但是這些問題并不影響理解。

(考試狀態下如果能發揮到這種程度，小作文也就沒有遺憾了。)

后續老師會針對劍11所給出的范文及考官評語，發布相應的解析，希望關注各位烤鴨，繼續跟蹤該系列文章，早日拿到理想成績。

以上內容來自新東方，如有任何問題，請聯系英語作文大全刪除。

更多 雅思作文、雅思寫作、雅思范文、雅思作文范文、雅思高分范文、雅思作文評分標準，

請繼續關注 英語作文大全