Why is it, even though you’re in a relationship–maybe even in love–you still feel so unhappy and unsatisfied with your partner? Is this what sharing your life with someone is supposed to be like? Maybe everything you thought you knew about love is wrong because when you’re with you’re partner you don’t feel swept off your feet, you don’t feel butterflies in your stomach…what you feel like is something more like anxiety. Here are four warning signs to tell if you’re in a toxic relationship.

　　1. The Criticizing

　　Criticism can be helpful when a partner points out a problem the other person in the relationship doesn’t notice. It’s how healthy relationships work. But once a problem ends so should the critique. With a criticizer in a toxic relationship everything the other person does is a target that can be attacked, and often in front of other people. This goes beyond playful banter: this criticism is overly harsh and causes real harm. Behind a chronic criticizer is a person whose low self-esteem leads them to find faults in their partner because of their own insecurities. Criticizers need to fix themselves first, or else they may not have partners to criticize for long.

　　2. The Controlling

　　Power dynamics in relationships can be tricky. Sometimes one partner clearly runs the show. That can be okay, if the other person doesn’t want any control, but other people may feel like they have no say over their lives. Controlling partners limit their loved ones’ choices and never let them have any independence. Even if their controlling partners make them go out and party, the other person in the relationship feels locked away from the world, like prisoners, because doing that was not their choice. Someone has to let go, or else you’ll both be searching for more leverage somewhere else.

　　3. The Withholding

　　Keeping things to yourself is one thing, but withholding is something else. Withholding is when one or both of the people in the relationship refuse to share how they really feel to keep the other person from harm. That may seem nice, but it’s actually toxic because if something is wrong, the other person has no idea about it and therefore can never hope to fix it. The brokeness spreads, and eventually the relationship will fall apart. Open up, or you’ll have to pick up the pieces.

　　4. The Lying

　　You’re not going to find a much worse sign that you’re in a toxic relationship than if your partner is overtly lying to you. Some liars are so good at what they do that it almost seems as if they believe the lies that they tell instead of the truth, and blame you for not believing them. This is probably the most toxic trait on this list. If you’re the one who thinks you need to hide everything from your partner, consider the harm you are doing both to that person and to yourself: eventually your lies are going to get you dumped.查看譯文

　　為什么即使處在一段充滿愛的關系里，你仍然會對伴侶感到不滿意?難道跟戀人分享自己的生活本是這般模樣?也許你原本關于愛情的一切認知都是錯誤的。因為當你與戀人在一起時你沒有被迷得神魂顛倒，也沒有心跳加速，反而更多的是焦慮。下面四種跡象教你辨別你的戀愛是否出現了問題：

　　1.批評

　　戀愛中，當你指出了戀人忽視了的問題時，這種批評是有益的，這也是讓你們的關系保持健康的方法。但一旦問題已經被解決了，就應該停止批評。在一段不良的關系中，愛批評的那個人會逮住對方所做的任何事情進行攻擊，而且常常是當著其他人的面。這就超出了開玩笑的范圍：這種批評過于苛刻，會給別人造成真正的傷害。這種愛批評別人的人，其實他們本身很自卑，他們總是抱怨自己的伴侶是因為他們自身缺乏安全感。愛抱怨的人首先需要改掉這個毛病，否則他們無法與別人長期維持一段關系。

　　2.控制

　　在一段關系中，控制權也很難把握。如果你能接受你的伴侶掌握主導權，這完全沒有問題。但如果你的伴侶完全不想自己的生活被你控制，你就會覺得你無權過問他們的生活，問題就出現了。愛控制伴侶的人喜歡替別人做決定，他們絕不讓自己的戀人有任何獨立性。即使他們讓戀人去參加社交活動，對方也會覺得自己像犯人，已經與世界都隔離了。因為被控制的人無法選擇自己的人生。你要學會放手，不然你和你的戀人就必須在其他方面找回平衡。

　　3.隱瞞

　　自己知道是一回事情，但隱瞞對方卻是另一回事情。在一段關系中，如果你選擇拒絕說出自己真實感受以此來保護對方這種做法時，雖然這看起來沒錯，但實際上這是大錯特錯。因為如果你隱瞞的事情是錯的，而你的伴侶根本不知道這件事，錯誤就永遠也得不到解決。這種錯誤會一直傷害你們并最終將你們的關系土崩瓦解。你有兩種選擇：開誠布公的談一談，或者你將不得不收拾你造成的殘局。

　　4.謊言

　　你不會找到一個更糟糕的跡象表明你正處在一段不良的關系中，那就是你的伴侶經常對你公然說謊。有些騙子的騙術非常高明，他們的謊言幾乎以假亂真，如果你不相信他們的謊言，他們就會指責你不信任他們。這可能是這個名單上最壞特質。如果你認為你是那個需要經常向你的伴侶隱藏一些事實的人，你可以考慮一下你的謊言將帶給你們兩個人的傷害，最終你的謊言會讓你一無所有。

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