Last night， pressured by well- intentioned friends， for the first time in months， I came out of writer' s seclusion1 and attended a cocktail party which is another word for a social gathering. So there I was， trapped in a crowded room， people milling2 all around me， each with a drink in hand， chitchatting3 while the waiters skillfully negotiated4 their way through the bustle5 with trays of colorful beverages6 and fancy hors d' oeuvres7.It was definitely party time！

　　Yet， instead of losing myself to the convivial8 surroundings of food， drink and conversations， I found myself retreating back into my head all the way to China where the subject of American sociality is of great interest.

　　In China， many of my students are curious about how Americans party and have a good time. "What do you do？ Sing and dance？ To what kind of music？"

　　"What's American party talk？" " How do you dress and act at a party？" "How about food？ What do you eat？"

　　Every year， without fail， students ask their foreign teachers to dedicate a full class to this fascinating topic. Of course， one would think that a subject as interesting and entertaining as such would make for an excellent lesson plan， a rich source of discussions. But to my surprise， many teachers run into roadblocks9 when generating 10 this particular lesson plan.

　　"Michelle， Michelle！ I have to teach a class on American parties. And I only have， hmm， five things to say about it. And that' ll take about five minutes. What am I supposed to do after that？" They cry.

　　"Well， tell me what those five things are，" I ask.

　　"Arrive late， talk， eat， drink， and have a blast." They blurt out.

　　It is true that the five steps listed above encompass11 much of the goings-on12 at American social gatherings. Of course， during parties for special occasions such as： Birthdays， holidays， weddings， baby showers， anniversaries， graduations， etc.， there are additional ceremonies such as： cake cutting， gift opening， dancing， toasting， game playing， etc. But regardless， the fundamentals of a typical American soiree 13 are good company， good food and drinks， and good times.

　　A sound simply， doesn't it？ But if you were to look deeper and think further， you'll realize that there's far more to these steps than meets the eyes.

　　1. FASHIONABLY LATE

　　It is a major faux pas14 （social embarrassment） to arrive at a party early or even on time. Therefore， with the exception of the hosts， you never want to be the first person present at a social function. Why？ Because people fear that others may think that they have no life or nothing better to do than waiting for a party to start. Many Americans try to project15 an image of business which， whether true or not， has a positive correlation16 with success. So by arriving late， you are saying： "I lead a full life and it's exciting and productive."

　　Therefore， an 8 o' clock party customarily doesn't really start until maybe 9 o' clock as everyone wants to be thought of as a busy and important person with lots to do. In other words， a party is one of those rare occasions where your punctuality17 can actually hurt you. Weird18， isn't it. Anyhow， remember， be fashionably late.

　　2. SMALL TALK

　　One way of gauging19 the success of a party is by the noise meter. The louder the party is， the more happening it is， and the more fun people are having. Then you stop to wonder， if it' s so noisy， how can people really hear each other and have great， engaging conversations？ The truth is： They don't. They engage in small talk， which is another word for casual， trivial conversations. They chew the fat20， shoot the breeze21 and swap anecdotes about random subjects： work， family， news， weather， hobbies， etc. Because the surrounding noise and activities often sidetrack people， it's difficult to get personal or discuss any one topic at length or in depth. The point is to have fun， not to get serious.

　　However， keep in mind that since people tend to be in good moods and spirit when attending a social function， parties often provide an excellent environment for making new friends and establishing valuable business contacts. In fact， in many professions， important business transactions22 are initiated at a social event. People meet， have a nice chat， exchange information， and make a good impression. Sometimes that' s all it takes to begin a long-lasting friendship or business association. So never underestimate the power of small talk.

　　3. FOOD FOR FUN

　　With the exception of dinner parties where a full meal is served， most parties offer finger foods――food that you pick up with your fingers. （So don' t worry， it is not impolite to eat with your hands at parties.） Some of the classic party foods are cheese and crackers23， crudité s24 （vegetables and dip）， fruits， shrimp toasts， Swiss meatballs， mini-sandwiches， shrimp cocktail， etc. And believe it or not， Asian foods are now in fashion. Mini egg rolls， California sushi25 rolls and various dim sum dishes always add an exotic flair to a party. And the Americans love it.

　　Anyhow， party foods aren't meant to be eaten as a meal. They are simply yummy26 accents to the party and eaten to absorb all that alcohol you' re about to consume.So don' t pile too much food on your plate.Remember，you can always get refills.And one more thing，don' t talk with your mouth full.It' s rude.

　　4. DRINK AND BE MERRY？

　　Here' s a frequently used party acronym27， BYOB： Bring Your Own Bottle.

　　Alcohol plays a big part in most American parties. People drink to relax， unwind and enjoy themselves. Anyhow that's the way it should be.

　　Unfortunately it' s not always the case and sometimes you sense the unspoken pressure to join the crowd. As a result， you feel out of place28 without a beverage in your hand. I even notice from observation that frequently the first thing people do upon arriving at a party is to hit the bar， kick off 29 the night with a few drinks. Sometimes， there are even those， mostly young， who go to parties for the sole purpose of getting drunk， trashed， plastered30， totaled. Not a smart thing to do since we all know the effect alcohol can have on us. （People tend to talk loudly when they' re intoxicated which might explain why it' s so loud at parties.）

　　In America， there' s definitely a negative association between drinking and partying. If you lose control of your drinking， you lose control of your partying， vise versa31. As a result， drunks not only make a fool of themselves but their drunken behavior could endanger their safety and the safety of others. I suppose as with most things， moderation is the key.

　　聚會隨想

　　昨天晚上，在幾位好心朋友的大力勸說下，我數月來首次走出書房參加一場雞尾酒會，換言之，出席了一次社交聚會。我被困在一個擁擠的房間里，人們在我的四周走動，手里都拿著一杯飲料，交談著；招待員手托放著五顏六色的飲料和美味小吃的托盤，靈巧地穿梭在人群中。這真是一場聚會！

　　然而我并沒有沉浸在吃喝談話的友好氣氛中，我的思潮回到了中國。在那里，有關美國社交活動是個極有趣的話題。

　　在中國，我的許多學生對于美國人如何舉辦社交聚會以及如何玩得愉快十分感興趣。"你們聚會時做什么？唱歌，跳舞？演奏什么樂曲？"

　　"美國人聚會時談些什么？""你們參加聚會穿些什么？做些什么？""食品怎么樣？吃些什么？"

　　每年肯定都會有學生要求他們的外教就此引人興趣的話題講授一節課。人們當然會認為如此有趣的話題應該被列入很好的授課計劃，可以引發熱烈的討論。然而令我驚訝的是，不少教師在為這個特定的話題備課時遇到了難題。

　　他們說："士梅，士梅！我得講授一堂有關美國人聚會的課程。而我，嗯，就此只能談五點，而這五點只需要五分鐘的時間。接下來，我該做什么呢？"

　　我問他們："那么告訴我，那五點的內容是什么。"

　　他們脫口說道："遲到、交談、吃、喝、找樂趣".

　　以上五點的確包括了美國社交聚會的主要內容。但在一些特殊的場合舉行的聚會上，如：過生日、過節、結婚、嬰兒洗禮、周年慶祝、畢業典禮等，還會有些傳統的儀式，如：切蛋糕、打開禮品、跳舞、祝酒、玩游戲等。無論是哪種聚會，典型的美國社交晚會的基調是讓人們交友、吃好、喝好、玩得愉快。

　　聽上去很簡單，不是嗎？你要是看得遠一點，想得深一些，你會發現還有遠比這些表面所見更多的東西。

　　1.遲到為時髦

　　參加聚會，早到、甚至準時抵達最令人難堪。所以，除非作主人，你千萬不要第一個出現在社交活動的現場。為什么？因為人們擔心，這樣做，別人會以為自己生活乏味或是除了等候參加聚會外無其他事可做。許多美國人都想把自己設想成事業有成的人，不管是真還是假。因此，遲到就意味著你在向大家宣布："我生活得很充實，令人興奮又業績頗豐。"

　　因為大家都想被當作是一位忙碌而繁事纏身的要人，所以習慣上定于8時開始的聚會可能得到9時才真正開始，換言之，聚會是這樣一種少有的場合，準時到達反而可能會對你有所損害。說來也真怪，是吧。不管怎么樣，記住，遲到是時髦。

　　2.閑談聊天

　　衡量聚會是否成功的一個標準就是聚會時聲音的高低。聚會的聲音越大，發生的事情越多，人們得到的樂趣亦多。這樣你會想，如果真的如此喧鬧，人們怎么能真切地聽到相互的談話，如何進行深入的交談？事實是，他們不會進行深入的交談。人們進行閑談聊天，也就是隨意交談，談些瑣碎的事情。人們就工作、家庭、新聞、天氣、愛好等聊聊天，侃侃大山，交換一些奇聞軼事。由于身邊的噪音和活動常常會轉移人們的注意力，因此很難在這種場合進行個人談話或者就某一話題進行長久深入的討論。人們在這里主要是找樂趣，不需要嚴肅話題。

　　然而要記住，人們在參加社交活動時心情愉快舒暢，聚會常可以給大家提供一個結交新朋友、建立有價值的業務聯系的極好場合。事實上，在許多行業，重要的商業交易往往始于某一次社交活動。人們聚在一起，愉快交談，交換信息，留下良好的印象。有時，這就是持久友誼和商業聯系的開始。所以，千萬不要低估閑談聊天的作用。

　　3.食物助興

　　除了晚宴上全席外，大多數聚會只上小吃――用手指取食。（不必擔心，聚會上用手指取食品不是一種失禮的表現。）聚會上，一些傳統的食品為奶酪、餅干、蔬菜色拉（蔬菜和調料醬）、水果、蝦味小面包、瑞士肉丸、小塊三明治、蝦味雞尾酒等。不管你信不信，現在時興的是亞洲食品。小蛋卷、加利福尼亞壽司卷以及各種各樣的餃子、春卷等小點心，總能為聚會增添一分異國情趣。美國人喜愛這個。

　　不管怎樣，聚會上的食品不能當作是正餐，它們只是用來使聚會更有味，吃這些食品是為了吸收你要喝的酒精飲料。因此，在你的盤子里不要取放過多的食品。記住，如不夠，還可以再添取。此外，當你嘴里塞滿了食物的時候，不要說話，否則是不禮貌的。

　　4.飲酒取樂？

　　在聚會上常用的一個詞句的縮語是BYOB：帶上你自己的酒瓶。

　　酒精飲料在美國的聚會上起著很大的作用。人們以喝酒來放松自己，輕輕松松地自我享受一下。不管怎么說，事情應該是這樣。

　　遺憾的是，情況往往不是這樣。有時候你要跟大家在一起，就感到有種說不出的壓力。結果是，你覺得手中沒酒就很不自在。我甚至在觀察中還發現，人們參加聚會所做的第一件事情往往是到酒臺前，先喝上幾杯再接著參加聚會。有時候，甚至還有一些人，大多數是年輕人，參加聚會的惟一目的就是喝個酩酊大醉，一醉方休。這樣做是不明智的，我們都知道酒精對人所產生的作用。（人喝醉了酒往往就會高聲說話，這可能就是聚會時人聲如此鼎沸的緣故。）

　　在美國，飲酒與聚會之間肯定有著一種負面的聯系。如果你飲酒失去控制，你就不能控制你在聚會上的舉止，反之亦然。結果，酗酒不僅使自己出丑，其行為還會危及自身的安全和他人的安全。我想，就像許多其他事情一樣，節制是關鍵。

　　注釋：

　　1.seclusion n.隔絕，隱居

　　2.mill vi.（人群）無目的地亂轉

　　3.chitchat vi.聊天，閑談

　　4.negotiate vt.順利通過

　　5.bustle n.忙亂，喧擾

　　6.beverage n.飲料（如牛奶、茶等）

　　7.hors d'oeuvres開胃小吃，冷盤

　　8.convivial adj.宴飲交際的

　　9.roadblock n.障礙，關卡

　　10.generate vt.使存在，形成，產生

　　11.encompass vt.包含，包括

　　12.goings-on n.發生的事情，事態

　　13.soiree n.社交聚會，晚會

　　14.fauxpas 有失檢點的話（或行為）

　　15.project vt.設想

　　16.correlation n.聯系

　　17.punctuality n.準時

　　18.weird adj.奇怪的，不可思議的

　　19.gauge vt.估計，判定

　　20.chew the fat閑扯，閑聊

　　21.shoot the breeze閑聊

　　22.transaction n.（一筆）交易，業務

　　23.cracker n.薄脆餅干，餅干

　　24.crudités n.蔬菜色拉

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