For My Twin Sister
I am a healthy twenty-three year old, born with normal vision, normal hearing and normal speech. My twin sister, Dawn, was not born so lucky. My mother was very young when she had given birth to my sister and me. Because we were born so early we were placed in incubators until we were three weeks old.
While in the incubator, the doctor administered too much oxygen to my sister. She was later diagnosed with cerebral palsy, a nervous disorder which causes a malfunction in the sensory motor skills and also brain damage. She had undergone several un- successful surgeries to restore her sight which was completely gone in her left eye and only 68% detectable in her right eye.
Along with a slow developing brain, and legal blindness, it was also determined that she was legally deaf in her right ear. She had to wear braces on her legs and she had to walk with crutches. She stuck out like a sore thumb connected to all these contraptions, often causing people to stare and point.
While growing up a twin, I felt my identity was not my own. I wanted to just be Donnette, NOT DAWN'S TWIN SISTER. We lived in a small neighborhood where my sister was the only 'different' child. We were both constantly picked on, and we never had any friends because of my sister's condition. I began to loathe my sister, and I did everything and anything to get her into trouble to get back at her being born mentally retarded and physically disabled.
I felt like she was a constant thorn in my side. I was embarrassed to be seen with her, so I made fun of her right along with the other children. When I turned twelve my mother was so disgusted with my behavior towards my sister, she figured I was old enough to know better, and that I should love my sister for who she is, for that is the way God created her.
My mother threw me in my bedroom and gave me a thick yellow book which looked to me like a photo album. What I saw in that book changed my life and my attitude about the way that I viewed my sister and other handicapped people like her.
There were numerous baby pictures of my sister and I dressed alike, the only difference: Dawn was hooked up to tubes and needles and machines. She had her hands and fingers taped so that she would not compromise the patch on her eye from surgery. She looked like a mummy. I looked small and peaceful.
There were also several pictures of the two of us in the hospital until we were three years old. Once again, Dawn was wrapped up in a glorified mummy outfit, with tubes and needles attached to her everywhere. If you looked closely, you could see the pain reflected in her eyes. The picture that stood out the most was a Polaroid snapshot of the two of us in the crib hugging each other. The caption below read, 'I am so happy to get a visit from my twin sister, Netti. The doctors make me cry. She makes me laugh.'
I noticed one common factor in all of the pictures: even though she was in a great deal of pain, and suffering so much, this baby girl, who some would call a handicapped retard, smiled so big for the camera. I realized then what my mother was trying to show me. I felt ashamed at the way I treated her, and I cried myself to sleep.
Later that evening, my sister crawled over and woke me up for dinner. I kissed her and hugged her and profusely apologized for my behavior. She looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes. I knew she did not know what I was talking about. But I knew, I knew.
From that moment on, I was my sister's protector. No one was going to hurt her for any reason. If the children in the neighborhood did not want to play with us because of my sister, so be it. We would play with each other. We did not need them. We were inseparable.
Now as I look back, I realize that I never once took my sister's feeling into considera-tion. I did not want to know my own sister's story of why. I was so caught up in my own selfishness that I never saw her pain. I never put myself in her shoes. I never had to struggle to do normal, everyday activities. I could run and jump all on my own, without crutches. I never knew how blessed I truly was, or how special Dawn is.
I know that I made it worse for her, because she longed to be 'normal' like me. Strangers do not understand her because they do not know how to deal with her, nor do they have experience dealing with her, so they treat her indifferently. But I am her sister, her blood, and I should have been there for her straight from the beginning. I am her other half, just as she is my other half. When Dawn hurts, I hurt: that is the unbreakable bond Dawn and I share. After all, I AM DAWN'S TWIN SISTER, and she is my world.
“I love you, my twin sister!”
我是一位23歲的健康女孩,視力正常,聽力正常,語言表達正常。而妹妹道恩出生時卻沒有這么幸運。媽媽生我們時還很年輕。由于早產,我們在育嬰箱里待了三個星期。
還在育嬰箱里時,因醫生給妹妹放了太多的氧氣,后來被診斷為大腦麻痹癥,也就是神經紊亂,這會使她的感知能力和腦部功能出現障礙。她做過幾次眼科手術但都沒成功,左眼視力完全喪失,右眼視力也只達到常人的68%.
她大腦發育緩慢,左眼失明,右耳失聰也已確診。她腿上不得不穿上笨重的梏具,她走路也必須拄著拐杖。她看上去像一個疼痛的拇指, 這個拇指連接在所有的裝置上。因此她經常遭人注視和指指點點。
作為雙胞胎長大,我總覺得我的身份不是我自己的。我只想作多奈特,而不是什么道恩的胞姐。我們的家庭不大,可道恩卻是我們家里唯一一個“與眾不同”的孩子。由于妹妹的身體狀況,我們沒有任何朋友,我們倆就時常吵鬧。我開始討厭妹妹,為報復她智殘身殘,我就想盡辦法地找她麻煩。
我總感覺她像我眼中刺似的不舒服。一旦被人看見我和她在一起時,我就很尷尬,和別的孩子在一塊的時候,我就會捉弄他。十二歲時,媽媽對我對待妹妹的態度非常生氣。她本以為我大點會更懂事的,會更愛我妹妹的,因為,不管怎樣,她也是上帝的孩子。
媽媽很生氣地把我關到了臥室,扔給我一本厚厚的書。那本書黃色的封皮,看上去就像一本相冊似的。書的內容改變了我的生活,也改變了我對妹妹和其他殘疾人的態度。
里面有很多我和妹妹的合影。我穿的和她一樣,而唯一的不同之處是:道恩身上連著管子、針頭和其他裝置。她的手和手指都用膠布粘牢,這樣她就不會弄掉她手術時戴的眼罩。她看起來像一個木乃伊,而我看上去則顯得嬌小與寧靜。
家里也有幾張我們三歲時在醫院拍的照片。道恩再次裹上了像木乃伊似的裝置,她身上到處插滿了管子和針頭??拷c看,你會發現她的眼睛里都是疼痛的表情。最出色的一張照片是用寶麗來相機拍的一張快照,照片上我們倆躺在童床上。照片的說明文字是:“雙胞胎姐姐奈特來看我,我很高興。醫生會讓我哭,但她會讓我笑?!?/p>
我注意到所有的照片都有一個共同點,那就是:盡管她非常疼痛,遭受著那么大的折磨,可這個被許多人稱為殘疾傻瓜的小女孩,在面對鏡頭時,笑得還是那么燦爛。我才明白媽媽為什么要給我看那本書。對妹妹的態度,我感到很慚愧,哭著哭著就睡著了。
晚上,妹妹爬過來,叫醒我去吃飯。我吻了她一下,抱著她,并對我的行徑深表道歉,她用迷惑的眼神看著我。我知道她不會明白我所說的,但是,我明白,我明白。
從此之后,我就是妹妹的保護者,沒有人再敢傷害她。如果鄰居家孩子不想和我妹妹玩,那只能這樣了,我們倆就一起玩,不需要他們,我們是形影不離的好伙伴。
現在回想起來,我明白到我再也沒有機會考慮我妹妹的感情了。我并不想知道為什么我妹妹會有這樣的故事(遭遇)。過去是那么的自私也沒有顧及她的痛苦,我從來沒有為她設身處地考慮一下,也沒有盡力做每天應該做的職責。我自己不需要拐杖,能蹦能跳的,我不知道自己是如此的幸運,或者說,道恩又是這么特殊。
我知道我把情況搞得更糟,因為她也想向我一樣一切“正常”。陌生人是不會理解她的,因為他們不知道該如何與她打交道。但是,我是她姐姐,她的家人,頭一開始,我就應該向著她。我是她的另一半,就像她是我的另一半,如果她受傷了,那我也受傷,這是道恩和我的堅固紐帶。畢竟,我是道恩的雙胞胎姐姐,可她是我的世界。
“我愛你,我的雙胞胎妹妹!”
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