Toward the end of third period， the principal came to my room. "Read this to your class at the beginning of the fourth period，" she said， handing me a short memo.

　　I glanced over the first sentence： "Earlier this morning， one of our students， Trevor Grover （not his real name）， died of an apparent suicide……" I looked up in alarm.

　　"Please read it exactly as it is written，" she continued in a slow， firm voice.

　　"I will." We stared at each other for a few seconds. Then she was gone.

　　It was May 24， the last full week of the semester， almost the end of my first year of teaching high school English at "Westy，" as everyone called it. Westminster High School in the Denver metro area had been my first choice after graduating from Project Promise， a one-year teacher licensure program for mid-career professionals. I was attracted to Westy because of its diverse population （about one-third of the students are Hispanic and 10 percent are Asian）， because education － not family resources － was going to determine whether or not most of the students "made it." And because I thought I could make a difference.

　　As the fourth-period sophomores tumbled into the room， I pored over each of their faces. How familiar those faces were to me now， after a year studying language arts together， testing one another， and learning to trust one another with varying degrees of success. How much I had come to care for them as individuals. But did they know this， and did it matter？ I must have seen Trevor go into the room opposite mine a hundred times to take his Future Studies （future studies！） class， but I had never noticed.

　　Many Questions， But Few Answers.

　　Could one teacher make a difference？ That's a question I have been asking myself since I made the decision to switch careers at the age of 46. I stopped being a university professor， a scholar of Chinese poetry and textual criticism， and a teacher of comparative literature who read seven languages， and started being a K-12 teacher.

　　Over the course of my first year I taught students with remarkably different abilities. In the same class， I had students who read at the fifth-grade level and students whose abilities were comparable to college students. I taught students who were eager to learn， students with a "who-cares" attitude， and students who were just plain angry about being in school. Some kids benefited from strong support systems. Others were struggling to function in unstable family situations. Students entered my classroom with different skills and different needs as human beings － and my days （and often my nights） were consumed with trying to help them.

　　Teaching in a public high school is much more complex than those outside can imagine. Every day， you are running five different classes， designing and adapting learning activities that you hope will meet the needs of your students while simultaneously fulfilling departmental， building， district， and state standards. Most days， you work from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m.， often with just a break for dinner. Despite diminishing sleep， you need to maintain an energy level that matches that of teenagers， while remembering to remain the adult in the classroom. And you must constantly remind yourself of the power you have to affect your kids， for better or worse. You can't afford to be careless， indifferent， hurtful， fake， or oblivious （as you might on an off day with adults） because kids never get over it.

　　第三學期末，校長走進我的教室。“下學期一開始就把這個給全班學生讀一下，”說完，她把那篇簡短的備忘錄交給了我。

　　我大致看了第一句話：“今天早上，我們的一名學生，特雷弗?格羅弗（化名），被發現自殺死亡……”我驚慌地抬頭看了看。

　　“請照原文一字不落地讀，”她聲音緩慢而又堅定。

　　“我會的。” 我們倆對視了幾秒鐘，然后她離開了。

　　五月二十四日，這學期的最后一個星期，我在Westy（大家都這么稱這所學校）教高中英語的第一年即將結束。從一年的中途入職教師認證項目畢業后，位于丹佛大都市地區的威斯敏斯特高中就成為我的第一選擇。我被Westy吸引住是因為這里的多樣化人口（約有三分之一的學生來自西班牙，百分之十的學生來自亞洲），因為教育――而非家庭資源――能決定大部分學生成功與否，而且我認為我還能做些重要的事情。

　　第四學期，當高二年級的學生匆忙跑進教室后，我凝視著每一張面孔。這些面孔對我來說是再熟悉不過了，一年以來，大家在一起學習語言藝術，互相測試對方，學會與不同成績的同學互相信任。對他們每個人我給予了多少關愛啊！然而，他們知道這個嗎？這個又重要嗎？特雷弗就在我們對面的教室上《未來研究》課，我肯定見過他上百次了，卻從來沒有留意過。

　　疑問很多，但幾乎得不到答案。

　　難道一個老師就能起作用嗎？從我46歲決定改變職業生涯起，我就一直在問自己這個問題。作為一名中國詩歌和文學批評學者，以及通曉七種語言的比較文學的老師，我放棄了大學教授的職位，開始做一名中小學教師。

　　第一年，我使出非凡的能力來教育學生。同一個班里，有的學生只能達到五年級的閱讀水平，有的卻可以與大學生的閱讀能力相媲美。我教的有渴望學習的學生，有抱著“不管不問”態度的學生，還有一些學生明確表示對上學很反感。有些學生得到強有力的資金資助，還有些學生雖然生活在不穩定的家庭環境里，但他們還是盡心盡責。學生們各有所長，又各有所需，但都平等地走進我的教室――因此我的日日夜夜都花在盡力幫助他們的工作上。

　　在公立中學教書的復雜程度不是外面的人所能想象得到的。每天，你穿梭于五個不同的班級，規劃和進行學習活動，希望滿足學生們的要求。同時，還要執行部門、大樓、地區和州立標準。大部分時候你要從早上七點工作到晚上九點，只在吃飯的時候能休息一下。盡管睡眠時間越來越少，你還得保持與學生相等的精力，以及記得在教室里保持大人的樣子。你必須不時地提醒自己，不論好壞，你都要擁有能夠影響孩子們的力量。你不能粗心、冷漠、傷害感情、虛假、健忘（休息日在成人世界里你可能會那樣），因為孩子們絕對不會原諒你的。

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