英文笑話:Varous Jokes

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　　A wife finds her husband standing over their newborn's crib. As he watches the sleeping infant， she sees on his face a mixture of emotions： disbelief， doubt， delight， amazement， enchantment.

　　Eyes glistening， she slips her arms around him.

　　"A penny for your thoughts，" she whispers.

　　"It's amazing，" he replies. "How can anybody make a crib like that for only $46.50？"

　　A man goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste， a bottle of Pepsi， a bag of tortilla chips， and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says， "Single， huh？" "How'd you guess？" he says sarcastically.

　　"Because you're ugly，" she replies.

　　An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd　and diligent， so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel， so she began interviewing young lawyers.

　　"As I'm sure you can understand，" she started off with one of the first applicants， " in a business like this， our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson， are you an *honest* lawyer？"

　　"Honest？" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why， I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that？"

　　The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted， "He sued me for the money."

　　There were women waiting to be executed. A redhead， a brunette， and a blonde. It was an old-fashioned execution. Of course， these women didn't want to die， so they needed a plan. The redhead said， "I have an idea…… follow my lead."

　　So， when it was time for the redhead's execution， the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall.

　　"Do you have any last words？" he asked. "No." she replied.

　　"Ok then…… we're set. Ready…… aim……"

　　"TORNADO！" the she yelled out， pointing. The gunmen all turned around， and she escaped！

　　The brunette and blonde saw this. So， when it was time for the brunette's execution， the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words？" he asked. "No." she replied.

　　"Ok then…… we're set. Ready…… aim……"

　　"FLOOD！" the brunette yelled out， pointing. The gunmen all turned around， and she escaped， too！

　　Now the blonde understood this. So， when it was time for the blonde's execution， the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words？" he asked. "No." she replied.

　　"Ok then…… we're set. Ready…… aim……"

　　"FIRE！"

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