英文笑話:Medical True Stories

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　　The following have not been confirmed：

　　A man comes into　the ER and yells， "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab！" The ER　physician grabs his stuff， rushes out to the cab， lifts the lady's dress，　and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are　several cabs， and he's in the wrong one.

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　　A nurse at the beginning　of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female　patient's posterior chest wall. "Big breaths，" instructed the nurse. "Yes，　they used to be，" replied the patient.

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　　One day I had to　be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died　of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later， I heard　her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive　internal fart."（hahahahahahah）

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　　I was performing　a complete physical， including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient　twenty feet from the chart and began， "Cover your right eye with your　hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again， a flawless　read. "Now both，" I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read　the large "E" on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done　exactly that I had asked； he was standing there with both his eyes covered.　I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

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　　A nurses' aide was　helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed， "You're　not coming in here with me. This is only a one-seater！"

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　　During a patient's　two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist， he informed his　doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

　　"Which one？"， asked　the doctor.

　　"The patch. The nurse　told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of　places to put it！"

　　The doctor had him　quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see…… Yes，　the man had over fifty patches on his body！ Now the instructions include　removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

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　　While acquainting　myself with a new elderly patient， I asked， "How long have you been bedridden？"　After a look of complete confusion she answered， "Why not for about twenty　years ―― when my husband was alive."

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　　A nurse caring for　a woman from Kentucky asked， "So how's your breakfast this morning？"

　　"It's very good，　except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste，"　the patient replied.

　　The nurse asked to　see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

　　Submitted　by Heather Davies

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