Kids deep in thoughtⅠ
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
―― Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
―― Age 13
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
―― Age 8
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
―― Age 10
Home is where the house is.
―― Age 6
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
―― Age 13
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
―― Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
―― Age 6
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth――that most of us go to hell and burn eternally――but I didn't want to upset him.
―― Age 10
譯文:
摘自一份真實的報紙競賽, 在這項比賽中, 要求4-15歲的參賽者在語言上模仿杰克? 漢狄的"深思".
我認為你應當把每一天都當作你的末日來過, 這就是為什么我沒有干凈的衣服穿, 因為, 你想想, 誰想在他們生命的最后一天還洗衣服呢?
――15歲
請給我力量, 來改變我能做到的, 請給我恩賜, 來接受我不能做到的和一大袋子錢.
―― 13歲
如果總統生日那天我們能放假當然很好, 就像他們給女王過生日一樣. 當然, 我們還要讓許多人來投票, 選舉出一名出生于7月3日或12月26日的候選人, 就是為了能過個長周末.
―― 8歲
民主是件很好的事, 除了那個允許隨便一個老鄉巴佬投票的部分以外.
――10歲
家就是房子所在地.
―― 6歲
我打賭生活在一個裸體營中, 會帶給你萬圣節全部的樂趣.
―― 13歲
我常常奇怪為什么約翰?泰斯不象一些人認為的那樣是個受歡迎的歌手. 當時,我記得那是因為他很差.
―― 15歲
幾百年來, 人們認為月亮是由新鮮奶酪制成的. 之后, 宇航員發現月亮實際上是個大的堅硬的石頭. 當你遺忘了奶酪的時候, 知道它會發生什么了吧.
―― 6歲
我弟弟問我, 我們死后會怎樣. 我告訴他, 我們被埋在一把泥土下, 蟲子吃我們的身體. 我想我本應該告訴他真相的-我們大多數人都要進地獄并永遠焚燒掉-但是我不想令他感覺不舒服.
―― 10歲
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