BEC名師點評作文（2）
BEC劍橋商務英語證書在中國被認可的主要以外資企業居多，特別是英聯邦和歐盟成員國家的企業。BEC在外企及外籍人士中認可度還是很高的。
作文題目：
寫一封正式的信件，邀請一位記者參加發布會，字數在120-140左右。
信件須包含以下五個要點。
1.產品名稱
2.產品發布會地點
3.這一活動的日期和時間
4.活動計劃的一些具體內容
5.回復的最后期限
老師指點：
首先，寫商務信函的具體格式和要求如下：
1.寫信人的地址;
2.收信人地址;
3.參考
注：一般商業信函中有的一個注解，通常包括信函簽字人和打字人的姓名首字母縮寫，有時候也有部門名稱的縮寫，這樣以備存檔和查找方便。
4.日期;
5.格式化的開頭;
6.標題;
7.正文;
8.結束語;
9.簽名;
10.姓名及職位;
11.附件。
網友作文一：
Dear Sir or Madam:
I[1] am writing to invite you for a new mobile telephone release comference.There will be aNew Product & Trends Presentation in Qinhua Saloon at 9 o'clock on Saturday morning.Ourmanager will present and answer your[2] questions.
Please inform us before Friday this week so as to facilitate our arrangements in advance.
Looking forward to your reply
Faithfully,
XXX[3]
[1]最好開頭可以有一句：With reference to your letter of the 15th this month, 或者：I amvery honored to invite you to attend the ....因為如果完全沒有之前的業務咨詢或者往來，發出這樣一封邀請信會比較唐突，換個角度想想，你要是記者，會接受這樣一個突如其來，沒有任何先兆和信息的邀請信么?
[2]回答什么問題，可以用enclosure 的形式體現，因為字數限制。
[3]格式不對
網友作文二：
Dear Mr. Simth,
I am writing to invite you to take part in[1] our new product Model 123 printerannouncement event, which will be held on the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel.
On[2] the event, the printer's functions will be descibed in detail, and you will have chanceto experience yourself on the new product. And there is a cocktail party in the evening. Pleasepay attention to the following notes:
Place: on the 3rd floor,the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel
Time: 15:00 on July 4, 2008
Would you please fax me a reply before July 2 in case of your seat[3].
Looking farward to your prompt reply and expecting your attendence. [4]
Best regards[5],
Applegreenjh
[1]換成：attend/present 都可以。這個詞組一般指群眾集會型
[2]During
[3]For reserving/booking.
[4]好句子，回歸本色。
[5]Yours faithfully
網友作文三：
Dear Brian,
I represent the D&G Electronics Company in HongKong, and invite you to attend ournew product –multifunction watch press, which will be held on Tuesday, 1st July. The latestproduct of this press is a new-model and unique watch, not as normal as others[1] , whosefunctions have games ,in particular, mp3 & digital player. We believe such a productwould lead another fresh trend in market. If you could present in the press, please fill up theVIP card enclosed by return before Saturday,28th June.
We look forward to your attendance.
Best wishes[2] ,
Jolene
[1]廢話，前面用了unique, 這里就不要再用了。
網友作文四：
Dear Sir or Madam:
We would like to invite you to an exclusive presentation of our new product - duct formermachine. The presentation will be held at Hailan Hotel, at Saturday ,on July 12, 2008. There willalso be a reception at[1] the same day.
Sanjing Technology Co. Ltd. is a leading producer of high – quality. As you will know,recent technological advances have made increasingly affordable to the public[2] .Thepresentation will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. During that time, we wii show you theadvantage of this machine, also show you how to operate the machine .After thepresentation, we will arrange the dinner for you[3] .
Please reply the invention until at Tuesday ,on July 8, 2008. We look forward to seeing youat Hailan Hotel on Saturday
Sincerely yours,
Lisa
PR manager
evelinefei@***.com
Enclosure: reception
[1]On
[2]Enjoyed high public awareness.
[3]口語化太明顯了。另外信函中的句子很多會使用被動語態的。改為： advantage and operationwould be presented and there will be a dinner afterwards.
網友作文五：
Dear Sir[1],
It's very kind for you to read this mail[2].
I'm writting to invite that our company***will hold a ship promulgation meeting atGuomao Hotel at 3:00pm 30th June.We will introduce that our company product---ships,includeship types and specification and analyze the ship development futrue[3].
If we have the honour to take your time, please reply this mail before 28th June.
Thank you very much and best[4] regards.
***CO.LTD
Sales Department
***
[1]補充格式
[2]這句話太謙卑了，沒有必要。去掉。
[3]飄紅的部分，語法結構有問題，商業信函的特征就是干練，精確，完整，一語中第，如果長句寫不好，就放棄，改為短句。Invite you to attend our release conference at .... 第二句：we will launch anew product-- *** ship. 第三句：all the information about the ship such as type, specification,and quality would be presented.
[4]如果這是一封正式的商業信函，如果你不是和對方很熟悉，建議換掉這個結尾吧：sincerely yours是個不錯的選擇!
[2]問題同上，格式和稱謂。
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