BEC名師點(diǎn)評(píng)作文(2)
BEC劍橋商務(wù)英語(yǔ)證書(shū)在中國(guó)被認(rèn)可的主要以外資企業(yè)居多,特別是英聯(lián)邦和歐盟成員國(guó)家的企業(yè)。BEC在外企及外籍人士中認(rèn)可度還是很高的。
作文題目:
寫(xiě)一封正式的信件,邀請(qǐng)一位記者參加發(fā)布會(huì),字?jǐn)?shù)在120-140左右。
信件須包含以下五個(gè)要點(diǎn)。
1.產(chǎn)品名稱
2.產(chǎn)品發(fā)布會(huì)地點(diǎn)
3.這一活動(dòng)的日期和時(shí)間
4.活動(dòng)計(jì)劃的一些具體內(nèi)容
5.回復(fù)的最后期限
老師指點(diǎn):
首先,寫(xiě)商務(wù)信函的具體格式和要求如下:
1.寫(xiě)信人的地址;
2.收信人地址;
3.參考
注:一般商業(yè)信函中有的一個(gè)注解,通常包括信函簽字人和打字人的姓名首字母縮寫(xiě),有時(shí)候也有部門(mén)名稱的縮寫(xiě),這樣以備存檔和查找方便。
4.日期;
5.格式化的開(kāi)頭;
6.標(biāo)題;
7.正文;
8.結(jié)束語(yǔ);
9.簽名;
10.姓名及職位;
11.附件。
網(wǎng)友作文一:
Dear Sir or Madam:
I[1] am writing to invite you for a new mobile telephone release comference.There will be aNew Product & Trends Presentation in Qinhua Saloon at 9 o'clock on Saturday morning.Ourmanager will present and answer your[2] questions.
Please inform us before Friday this week so as to facilitate our arrangements in advance.
Looking forward to your reply
Faithfully,
XXX[3]
[1]最好開(kāi)頭可以有一句:With reference to your letter of the 15th this month, 或者:I amvery honored to invite you to attend the ....因?yàn)槿绻耆珱](méi)有之前的業(yè)務(wù)咨詢或者往來(lái),發(fā)出這樣一封邀請(qǐng)信會(huì)比較唐突,換個(gè)角度想想,你要是記者,會(huì)接受這樣一個(gè)突如其來(lái),沒(méi)有任何先兆和信息的邀請(qǐng)信么?
[2]回答什么問(wèn)題,可以用enclosure 的形式體現(xiàn),因?yàn)樽謹(jǐn)?shù)限制。
[3]格式不對(duì)
網(wǎng)友作文二:
Dear Mr. Simth,
I am writing to invite you to take part in[1] our new product Model 123 printerannouncement event, which will be held on the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel.
On[2] the event, the printer's functions will be descibed in detail, and you will have chanceto experience yourself on the new product. And there is a cocktail party in the evening. Pleasepay attention to the following notes:
Place: on the 3rd floor,the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel
Time: 15:00 on July 4, 2008
Would you please fax me a reply before July 2 in case of your seat[3].
Looking farward to your prompt reply and expecting your attendence. [4]
Best regards[5],
Applegreenjh
[1]換成:attend/present 都可以。這個(gè)詞組一般指群眾集會(huì)型
[2]During
[3]For reserving/booking.
[4]好句子,回歸本色。
[5]Yours faithfully
網(wǎng)友作文三:
Dear Brian,
I represent the D&G Electronics Company in HongKong, and invite you to attend ournew product –multifunction watch press, which will be held on Tuesday, 1st July. The latestproduct of this press is a new-model and unique watch, not as normal as others[1] , whosefunctions have games ,in particular, mp3 & digital player. We believe such a productwould lead another fresh trend in market. If you could present in the press, please fill up theVIP card enclosed by return before Saturday,28th June.
We look forward to your attendance.
Best wishes[2] ,
Jolene
[1]廢話,前面用了unique, 這里就不要再用了。
網(wǎng)友作文四:
Dear Sir or Madam:
We would like to invite you to an exclusive presentation of our new product - duct formermachine. The presentation will be held at Hailan Hotel, at Saturday ,on July 12, 2008. There willalso be a reception at[1] the same day.
Sanjing Technology Co. Ltd. is a leading producer of high – quality. As you will know,recent technological advances have made increasingly affordable to the public[2] .Thepresentation will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. During that time, we wii show you theadvantage of this machine, also show you how to operate the machine .After thepresentation, we will arrange the dinner for you[3] .
Please reply the invention until at Tuesday ,on July 8, 2008. We look forward to seeing youat Hailan Hotel on Saturday
Sincerely yours,
Lisa
PR manager
evelinefei@***.com
Enclosure: reception
[1]On
[2]Enjoyed high public awareness.
[3]口語(yǔ)化太明顯了。另外信函中的句子很多會(huì)使用被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)的。改為: advantage and operationwould be presented and there will be a dinner afterwards.
網(wǎng)友作文五:
Dear Sir[1],
It's very kind for you to read this mail[2].
I'm writting to invite that our company***will hold a ship promulgation meeting atGuomao Hotel at 3:00pm 30th June.We will introduce that our company product---ships,includeship types and specification and analyze the ship development futrue[3].
If we have the honour to take your time, please reply this mail before 28th June.
Thank you very much and best[4] regards.
***CO.LTD
Sales Department
***
[1]補(bǔ)充格式
[2]這句話太謙卑了,沒(méi)有必要。去掉。
[3]飄紅的部分,語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)有問(wèn)題,商業(yè)信函的特征就是干練,精確,完整,一語(yǔ)中第,如果長(zhǎng)句寫(xiě)不好,就放棄,改為短句。Invite you to attend our release conference at .... 第二句:we will launch anew product-- *** ship. 第三句:all the information about the ship such as type, specification,and quality would be presented.
[4]如果這是一封正式的商業(yè)信函,如果你不是和對(duì)方很熟悉,建議換掉這個(gè)結(jié)尾吧:sincerely yours是個(gè)不錯(cuò)的選擇!
[2]問(wèn)題同上,格式和稱謂。
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