雅思寫作通病 缺少思考和自己的觀點
這是一位正在準備雅思考試的同學，發給我的小作文。仔細看完之后，我發現里面有一個大部分同學都存在的通病--缺少思考和觀點。純粹闡述圖表中的數字以及一部分之間的關系，哪怕表達正確，用詞無誤，也同樣拿不到高分。
正文
The bar charts compare the destinations chosen by UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not attend full-time work after graduating from college in 2008.
Noticeably, the proportions of different choices made by graduates and postgraduates were similar, with the number of graduates was almost tenfold that of postgraduates. Specifically, further study was the most popular choice for both graduates and post graduates, with the number of 29665 and 2725 people respectively. Following was part-time work, for both graduates and postgraduates. There are 17735 graduate students chose to do part-time job whereas there are relatively highier proportion of postgraduates chose to do the same work, with the figure of 2524 people, close to the number of students who chose to get further study.
The rest two option were unemployment and voluntary work. However, these two figures were 16235 and 3500 people for graduates and 1625 and 345 people for postgraduate students.
Overall, the choices of destinations after leaving college were similar for both graduates and postgraduates despite the fact that there are about tenfold graduate students than postgraduate students.
點評
這是一篇5.5分的小作文。
- 開篇第一段，總結簡短、到位，讓讀者能不看圖理解即將說什么
-第二段：最重要的部分，作者嘗試將自己看到的告訴給讀者。但犯了一個錯
講了further study和part-time job兩組數據之間的直接關系，但沒給出自己的觀點和分析
ratio of further study to part-time job of graduates is higher than the postgraduates
give own opinion( maybe low rate of employment in 2008 makes graduates go back to university)
- 我主要提到的就是文章中最容易被忽略：make comparison。
如果你不學會這么做，只是單純寫下圖表的分析。
很難超越6分!
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