After 22 years of marriage， I've discovered the secret to keeping love and intimacy alive in my relationship with my wife， Peggy：I started dating another woman.

　　The"other woman"my wife was encouraging me to date is my mother， a 72-year-old widow who has lived alone since my father died 20 years ago. Right after his death， I moved 2，500 miles away to California and started my own family and career. When I moved back near my hometown six years ago， I promised myself that I would spend more time with Mom. But with the demands of my job and three kids， I never got around to seeing her much beyond family get-togethers and holidays.

　　She was surprised and suspicious， then， when I called and suggested the two of us go out to dinner and a movie. "What's wrong？"she asked. My mother thinks anything out of the ordinary signals bad news. "I thought it would be nice to spend some time with you，" I said. "Just the two of us. ""I'd like that a lot. "she replied.

　　As I drove to her house， I actually had a case of predate1） jitters2）。What would we talk about？What if she didn't like the restaurant I chose？

　　When I pulled into her driveway， she was waiting by the door with her coat on. Her hair was curled， and she was smiling. "I told my lady friends I was going out with my son， and they were all impressed， "she said as she got into my car. "They can't wait to hear about our evening. "

　　We didn't go anywhere fancy， just a neighborhood place where we could talk. My mother clutched3） my arm， half out of affection and half to help her negotiate4） the restaurant steps. Since her eyes now see only large shapes and shadows， I had to read the menu for both of us. Halfway through reciting the entrées， I glanced up and saw Mom looking at me， a wistful smile on her lips. "I used to be the menu-reader when you were little，" she said. I understood what she was saying. From caregiver to cared-for， from cared-for to care giver， our relationship had come full circle. "Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor， "I said. We had a nice talk over dinner. Nothing earth-shattering， just catching up with each other's lives. We talked for so long that we missed the movie. "I'll go out with you again，" my mother said as I dropped her off， "But only if you let me buy dinner next time. "I agreed.

　　"How was your date？"my wife asked when I got home that evening. "Nice. . . nicer than I thought it would be， "I said. She smiled her told-you-so smile.

　　Mom and I go out for dinner a couple of times a month. Sometimes we take in a movie， but mostly we talk. I tell her about my trials at work and brag about the kids and Peggy. Mom fills me in on family gossip and tells me about her past. Now I know what it was like for her to work in a factory during World WarⅡ。 I know how she met my father there， and how they nurtured a trolley-car5） courtship through those difficult times. I can't get enough of these stories. They are important to me， a part of my history. We also talk about the future. Because of health problems， my mother worries about the days ahead. "I have so much living to do， "she told me once. "I need to be there while my grandchildren grow up. I don't want to miss any of it. "

　　I tend to fill my calendar6） to the brim as I struggle to fit family， career and friendships into my life. I often complain about how quickly time flies. Spending time with my mom has taught me the importance of slowing down.

　　我生命中的"另一個女人"

　　經歷22年的婚姻， 我發現如何同妻子佩吉保持愛戀和親密關系的秘密：去約會另一個女人。

　　我妻子鼓勵我去約會的"另一個女人"就是我的母親， 一位72歲的寡婦。20年前父親去世后， 她一直獨居至今。就在父親去世后， 我搬到了2500英里以外的加利福尼亞， 成家立業。6年前我遷回到靠近老家的地方， 那時， 我曾承諾要花些時間同媽媽在一起。但是由于需要兼顧我的工作和3個孩子， 除家庭聚會和節假日外， 我很少抽時間去看望她。

　　我打電話給母親， 建議我們倆外出一起吃飯、看電影， 她感到驚訝和疑惑。"出什么事了嗎？"她問， 媽媽把任何不尋常的信號都當成是壞消息。"我想跟您共度一段時光會很愉快的， "我說。"就我們倆。""那太好了， "她答道。

　　我開車駛往母親住所， 竟感到約會前的緊張不安。我們將談些什么呢？如果她不喜歡我選的餐館怎么辦？

　　我的車駛進母親家門前的車道時， 她已穿好外套等在門口了。她的頭發卷好了， 面帶笑容。"我告訴我的女友們， 說我要和兒子一道外出， 她們都深受感動， "母親邊說邊上了我的車。"她們急著想知道我們怎樣度過今天晚上。"

　　我們沒有去高檔的餐館， 只在附近找了一個便于說話的地方。我的母親緊挽著我的胳膊， 既是出于對我的慈愛， 也是為了自己能扶著我走上餐館的臺階。由于她現在的視力只能看到大致的形狀和模糊的影子， 我得為我倆讀菜單。我念到一半時， 抬頭瞥見母親正看著我， 嘴角泛著若有所思的微笑。"你小時候我常念菜單給你聽， "她說。我明白她的意思。她已從關愛者變為受照顧者， 我則從受照顧者變為關愛者， 我們的關系倒了個個兒。"現在你該輕松輕松了， 讓我來照顧你。"我說。我們邊吃邊談， 談得很好。沒有談什么大事， 只是交談些彼此的生活情況。我們談了很長時間， 以致沒趕上看電影。"我還想跟你一起外出。"我送母親回去， 下車時她說， "不過， 下次你得讓我請客。"我答應了。

　　"你的約會怎么樣？"那天晚上回家時， 妻子問我。"不錯……， 比我想的還要好， "我說。她笑了， 一副早就料到的樣子。

　　從此我和媽媽每個月都要外出共進幾次晚餐。有時我們也看電影， 但大部分時間都是交談。我跟她講工作中的煩惱， 也向她夸耀佩吉和孩子們。母親跟我談了許多家長里短的事， 也對我講了她過去的經歷。現在我知道了她二戰期間在一家工廠里做工的情況， 并知道她在那里如何同父親相識的。在那困難的日子里， 他們在有軌電車上培育了一段戀愛史。我對這些故事百聽不厭。它們對我很重要， 是我歷史的一部分。我們也談論未來。由于健康方面的原因， 母親擔心著今后的日子。"我要做的事兒多著呢， "有一次她對我說。"我要看著孫子、孫女們長大成人。我可什么都不想錯過。"

　　忙于應付家庭生活、事業和朋友關系等種種事情， 我的日程表總是排得滿滿的。我經常抱怨時光飛逝。與母親共度時光， 使我懂得了放慢生活節奏的重要。

　　注釋：

　　1. predate 提早日期， 居先

　　2. jitters <美口>緊張不安， 戰戰兢兢

　　3. clutch v. 抓住， 攫住

　　4. negotiate v. 通過， 越過

　　5. trolley-car n. <美>有軌電車

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