Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want
In over a dozen years as a stress consultant1），one of the most pervasive2） and destructive3） mental tendencies4） I've seen is that of focusing on what we want instead of what we have.It doesn't seem to make any difference how much we have；we just keep expanding our list of desires，which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied.The mind－set that says"I'll be happy when this desire is fulfilled" is the same mind－set that will repeat itself once that desire is met.
A friend of ours closed escrow5） on his new home on a Sunday.The very next time we saw him he was talking about his next house that was going to be even bigger.He isn't alone.Most of us do the very same thing.We want this or that.If we don' t get what we want we keep thinking about all that we don't have――and we remain dissatisfied.If we do get what we want，we simply recreate the same thinking in our new circumstances.So，despite getting what we want，we still remain unhappy.Happiness can't be found when we are yearning for new desires6）。
Luckily，there is a way to be happy.It involves changing the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have.Rather than wishing y our spouse was different，try thinking about her wonderful qualities.Instead of complaining about your salary，be grateful that you have a job.Rather than wishing you were able to take a vacation to Hawaii，think of how much fun you have had close to home.The list of possibilities is endless.Each time you notice yourself falling into the "I wish life were different " trap，back off and start over.Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful.When you focus not on what you want，but on what you have，you end up getting more of what you want anyway.If you focus on the good qualities of your spouse，she'll be more loving.If you are grateful for your job rather than complaining about it，you'll do a better job，be more productive，and probably end up getting a raise any way.If you focus on ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in Hawaii，you'll end up having more fun.If you ever do get to Hawaii，you'll be in the habit of enjoying yourself.And，if by some chance you don' t，you'll have a great life anyway.
Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want.If you do，your life will start appearing much better than before.For perhaps the first time in your life，you'll know what it means to feel satisfied.
by Richard Carlson
在作壓力咨詢顧問這十幾年期間，我所見到的最為普遍最具毀滅性的心理趨向，就是專注于我們想要得到的而非我們所擁有的。我們到底擁有多少似乎并不重要；我們只是一味地?cái)U(kuò)展我們的欲望單，而這就注定我們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)滿足。"這一欲望得到滿足后我就會(huì)幸福"――這種心態(tài)在該欲望真的滿足后又會(huì)有。
我們的一位朋友于某個(gè)星期天履行完他新房子的契約。就在我們?cè)俅我姷剿麜r(shí)，他大談他下一棟更大的房子。他這樣的人并不罕見。我們大多數(shù)人做著類似的事情。我們要這要那，如果我們沒有得到自己想要的，便不住地想我們沒有的――于是我們就老是不滿。可如果我們真地得到了自己想要的，又會(huì)在新的情況下抱同樣的想法。于是，盡管我們得到了自己想要的，我們依然不快活。當(dāng)我們不斷渴求新的欲望時(shí)，幸福無法駐留我們的心間。
幸運(yùn)的是，有一種辦法能讓我們幸福，這便是把我們考慮的重點(diǎn)從我們想要得到的轉(zhuǎn)到我們所擁有的。與其希望你的配偶應(yīng)該怎樣怎樣，不妨想想她可愛的品質(zhì)。與其抱怨你的薪水，不妨感激你有一份工作。與其希望你能夠去夏威夷度假，不妨想想你在家門口已找到了多少樂趣。這種可能性的單子是列不完的。每當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己陷入"我多么希望生活是另一番景象"這一陷阱時(shí)，趕緊抽身重新想一想，吸一口氣，記住你所擁有的，這樣心里就會(huì)感激。你如果注重你所擁有的而非你想要得到的，你最終得到的比你想要的要多。如果你注重的是你配偶的良好品質(zhì)，她會(huì)更加溫柔體貼。如果你對(duì)你的工作心存感激而非一味抱怨，你會(huì)做得更好，更有成果，或許最終也會(huì)加薪。如果你琢磨的是如何在家門口玩得開心，而非等著去夏威夷玩兒，你最終會(huì)得到更多的樂趣。如果你真能去成夏威夷，那么你就已經(jīng)很會(huì)玩兒個(gè)痛快了。即使由于某些原因你沒能去成，你的生活依然是豐富多彩的。
記住要開始多想想自己擁有的而不是自己渴求的。如果你做到的話，你的生活就會(huì)顯得比以往要美好得多。也許這是生平第一次，但你會(huì)領(lǐng)悟到心滿意足的意義。
1. stress consultant 壓力咨詢
2. pervasive adj. 普遍深入的
3. destructive adj. 破壞（性）的
4. mental tendency 心理趨勢(shì)
5. escrow n. 由第三者保存附帶條件委付蓋印的契約
6. desire n. 愿望， 心愿， 要求
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