趣味英語：一份很雷的大學入學申請書
this is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when applying to nyu where he now attends.
i am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. i have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. i translate ethnic slurs for cuban refugees, i write award-winning operas, i manage time efficiently. occasionally, i tread water for three days in a row.
i woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, i can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and i cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. i am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in peru.
using only a hoe and a large glass of water, i once single-handedly defended a small village in the amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. i play bluegrass cello, i was scouted by the mets, i am the subject of numerous documentaries. when i'm bored, i build large suspension bridges in my yard. i enjoy urban hang gliding. on wednesdays, after school, i repair electrical appliances free of charge.
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