Statistical one-liners
A new government 10 year survey cost $3，000，000，000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.
According to recent surveys， 51% of the people are in the majority.
Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed？
80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.
According to a recent survey， 33 of the people say they participate in surveys.
Q： What do you call a statistician on drugs？
A： A high flyer.
Q： How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb？
A： 1-3， alpha = .05
There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.
Q： Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees？
A： It's referred to as the log scale.
Q： Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course？
A： He improved his confidence from .95 to .99.
Q： Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes？
A： Lack of fit.
Q： Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail？
A： He now has zero degrees of freedom.
Statisticians must stay away from children's toys because they regress so easily.
The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.
Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.
Old statisticians never die， they just undergo a transformation.
Q： How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another？
A： Check the p-value.
Q： Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializing in ob/gyn？
A： His specialty was histerectograms.
The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation.
Some statisticians don't drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.
Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.
The Lipton Company is big on statistics――especially t-tests.
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