Eve Ensler演講: Suddenly, my body(雙語演講稿)
在Ensler看來,傳播信息的最佳途徑無異于分享故事。現(xiàn)在的她,更多的是從身體的角度來看世界,世界其實就蘊(yùn)藏在身體之中,包括V世界。身體本身就是一個世界,所有的物種都蘊(yùn)藏其中,而她也認(rèn)為我們很有必要把身體至于頭腦之上。這樣的分離常常也分量了目的和原因。而身體和大腦的聯(lián)系又將這些事情綜合在一起。Eve Ensler在TED有好幾次演講,前幾次都是在講女性,但這次是講她自己。她自己的身體,她對世界的理解,她將世界與她融為一體的體驗。里面會出現(xiàn)一些平常在公眾面前不會提到的詞(大家懂的),可是這個人是不同的,所以她可以講,義正詞嚴(yán)地勇敢地講。
Eve Ensler: Suddenly, my body英語演講稿:
For a long time, there was me, and my body. Me was composed of stories, of cravings, of strivings, of desires of the future. Me was trying not to be an outcome of my violent past, but the separation that had already occurred between me and my body was a pretty significant outcome. Me was always trying to become something, somebody. Me only existed in the trying. My body was often in the way.
有很長一段時間, 我和我的軀體是分離的。 我由故事組成, 由渴望,奮斗組成, 由對未來的期望組成。 我努力嘗試 不要變成我那暴力過去的結(jié)果 但分裂已經(jīng)發(fā)生了, 在我和我的身體之間, 并且?guī)砹藝?yán)重的后果。 我總在努力成為某人,某物, 我一直在嘗試當(dāng)中, 但我的身體阻礙著我。
Me was a floating head. For years, I actually only wore hats. It was a way of keeping my head attached. It was a way of locating myself. I worried that [if] I took my hat off I wouldn't be here anymore. I actually had a therapist who once said to me, "Eve, you've been coming here for two years, and, to be honest, it never occurred to me that you had a body." All this time I lived in the city because, to be honest, I was afraid of trees. I never had babies because heads cannot give birth. Babies actually don't come out of your mouth.
我只是一個漂浮的頭顱, 很多年來,我一直帶帽子, 這是一種讓我的頭保持附著的辦法, 讓我知道身處何方。 我曾經(jīng)擔(dān)心如果我摘掉帽子 我就不會站在這里了。 我的治療師曾經(jīng)對我說, “ 伊芙,你已經(jīng)來這里兩年了 說實話,對我來說,你好像從沒有感受自己的身體”。 這么長時間以來,我一直居住在城市, 說實話,是因為 我害怕樹木。 我沒有孩子 因為頭腦不能生產(chǎn)孩子, 孩子也不是從口中走出。
As I had no reference point for my body, I began to ask other women about their bodies -- in particular, their vaginas, because I thought vaginas were kind of important. This led to me writing "The Vagina Monologues," which led to me obsessively and incessantly talking about vaginas everywhere I could. I did this in front of many strangers. One night on stage, I actually entered my vagina. It was an ecstatic experience. It scared me, it energized me, and then I became a driven person, a driven vagina.
因為我對我自身沒有一個參照點, 我便開始詢問別的女人關(guān)于她們的身體的問題—— 特別是,她們的陰道, 因為我認(rèn)為陰道是很重要的。 這讓我寫了《陰道獨白》, 這也讓我癡迷不已 總是到處去講陰道的故事。 在很多陌生人面前我也這樣做。 有一晚在舞臺上, 我真的進(jìn)入了我的陰道, 那是一次欣喜的經(jīng)歷。 這嚇壞我了,讓我像觸電一樣, 接著,我成為一個被驅(qū)使的人, 一個被驅(qū)使的陰道。
I began to see my body like a thing, a thing that could move fast, like a thing that could accomplish other things, many things, all at once. I began to see my body like an iPad or a car. I would drive it and demand things from it. It had no limits. It was invincible. It was to be conquered and mastered like the Earth herself. I didn't heed it; no, I organized it and I directed it. I didn't have patience for my body; I snapped it into shape. I was greedy. I took more than my body had to offer. If I was tired, I drank more espressos. If I was afraid, I went to more dangerous places.
我開始把我的身體當(dāng)成一個物體, 一個可以走得很快的物體, 一個可以完成其他事情的物體, 可以同時做很多事情。 我開始把我的身體當(dāng)成是一個Ipad 或者一輛汽車。 我可以駕馭我的身體并且命令它。 它沒有限制,不可戰(zhàn)勝。 我的身體就像地球一樣,可以被征服被掌控。 我以前沒有注意這些; 不,我組織了它,我指揮它。 我對我的身體沒有耐心, 我把身體塑造成我理想的模樣。 我曾是貪婪的, 我對我身體索取,甚至多余它所能承受的, 如果我累了,我就喝更多的濃咖啡, 如果我恐懼,我去更加危險的地方,
Oh sure, sure, I had moments of appreciation of my body, the way an abusive parent can sometimes have a moment of kindness. My father was really kind to me on my 16th birthday, for example. I heard people murmur from time to time that I should love my body, so I learned how to do this. I was a vegetarian, I was sober, I didn't smoke. But all that was just a more sophisticated way to manipulate my body -- a further disassociation, like planting a vegetable field on a freeway.
哦,當(dāng)然當(dāng)然,我也曾感激我的身體, 就像那種粗暴謾罵的父母 偶爾也有片刻仁慈。 例如,就像我父親 在我16歲生日那天對我非常好。 我時常聽到有人私下嘀咕說 我應(yīng)該愛我的身體, 所以我學(xué)會了如何愛我的身體。 我曾是個素食主義者,我不飲酒也不抽煙, 但這都只是更精巧的方法 還是為了操縱使用我的身體—— 使我的精神和身體進(jìn)一步分離, 就好象在高速道路上種植一片蔬菜地。
As a result of me talking so much about my vagina, many women started to tell me about theirs -- their stories about their bodies. Actually, these stories compelled me around the world, and I've been to over 60 countries. I heard thousands of stories, and I have to tell you, there was always this moment where the women shared with me that particular moment when she separated from her body -- when she left home. I heard about women being molested in their beds, flogged in their burqas, left for dead in parking lots, acid burned in their kitchens. Some women became quiet and disappeared. Other women became mad, driven machines like me.
關(guān)于我的陰道我談?wù)摿撕芏啵?結(jié)果很多女人開始跟我談?wù)撍齻兊年幍?mdash;— 關(guān)于她們身體的故事。 事實上,這些故事驅(qū)使我走遍世界, 我去過60多個國家了, 我聽過成千的故事。 但是我不得不說,那些女士通常在那樣的 環(huán)境開始跟我分享她們的故事 這個她跟身體分離的特別時刻—— 當(dāng)她離開家庭。 我聽到過女人們在床上被侵犯, 身穿罩袍被鞭打, 在停車場被棄置死亡, 在廚房被腐蝕液體燒傷。 有些女人變得沉默、并消失了, 另一些則變瘋了,或者,成為被驅(qū)使的機(jī)器,跟我一樣。
In the middle of my traveling, I turned 40 and I began to hate my body, which was actually progress, because at least my body existed enough to hate it. Well my stomach -- it was my stomach I hated. It was proof that I had not measured up, that I was old and not fabulous and not perfect or able to fit into the predetermined corporate image in shape. My stomach was proof that I had failed, that it had failed me, that it was broken. My life became about getting rid of it and obsessing about getting rid of it. In fact, it became so extreme I wrote a play about it. But the more I talked about it, the more objectified and fragmented my body became. It became entertainment; it became a new kind of commodity, something I was selling.
在我的旅行中, 我度過了40歲生日,然后我開始憎恨我的身體, 這實際上是個進(jìn)步, 因為至少我認(rèn)可身體的存在了,我才懂得去討厭它。 啊,我的肚子,我討厭我的肚子。 事實上證明 我老了,不夠好,也不完美, 身材上也無法迎合目前既定的社會標(biāo)準(zhǔn)形態(tài)。 我的肚子證明我一敗涂地, 我的肚子辜負(fù)了我,形同破爛。 我整個人就一直在糾結(jié)怎么能處理了它, 事實上,這就走極端了。 我寫了一部關(guān)于它的劇本。 但是我談?wù)摰脑蕉啵?我的身體變得越客體化和支離破碎。 這變成了一種娛樂,一種新品貨物, 一種我兜售的商品。
Then I went somewhere else. I went outside what I thought I knew. I went to the Democratic Republic of Congo. And I heard stories that shattered all the other stories. I heard stories that got inside my body. I heard about a little girl who couldn't stop peeing on herself because so many grown soldiers had shoved themselves inside her. I heard an 80-year-old woman whose legs were broken and pulled out of her sockets and twisted up on her head as the soldiers raped her like that. There are thousands of these stories, and many of the women had holes in their bodies -- holes, fistula -- that were the violation of war -- holes in the fabric of their souls. These stories saturated my cells and nerves, and to be honest, I stopped sleeping for three years.
后來,我去了其他地方。 我走出去 到一個我以為我知道的地方, 我去了剛果民主共和國。 我聽到一些故事, 比其他所有的故事都令人震驚。 我聽到那些 走進(jìn)我身體里的故事。 我聽到一個小女孩, 一直小便失禁, 因為有那么多成年士兵 對她施暴。 我聽到一個80歲的老婦人, 她的腿被折斷,被拉離髖臼 扭曲拉到頭上來 士兵就是這樣施暴于她。 這有數(shù)以千計這樣的故事。 很多的女人身體都有創(chuàng)傷—— 有創(chuàng)口,有瘺洞—— 這些都是戰(zhàn)爭帶來的殘暴—— 她們靈魂深處的傷痕, 這些故事充滿了我的細(xì)胞和神經(jīng)。 說實話, 我失眠了三年。
All the stories began to bleed together. The raping of the Earth, the pillaging of minerals, the destruction of vaginas -- none of these were separate anymore from each other or me. Militias were raping six-month-old babies so that countries far away could get access to gold and coltan for their iPhones and computers. My body had not only become a driven machine, but it was responsible now for destroying other women's bodies in its mad quest to make more machines to support the speed and efficiency of my machine.
這些故事如血一般匯聚在一起。 這是對地球的強(qiáng)暴, 對礦產(chǎn)的掠奪, 對陰道的摧殘, 所有這些事情變得 和我不分彼此了。 士兵對六個月大的嬰童施暴 只為了遙遠(yuǎn)的某個國家 可獲得黃金和礦物, 再來生產(chǎn)Iphone 和電腦。 我的身體不僅變成了一臺被操控的機(jī)器, 它現(xiàn)在也要為 其它被摧殘的女性身體負(fù)責(zé) 我會用更多的機(jī)器讓我的身體 的機(jī)器運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)更快,更有效,這是一個瘋狂的目標(biāo)。
Then I got cancer -- or I found out I had cancer. It arrived like a speeding bird smashing into a windowpane. Suddenly, I had a body, a body that was pricked and poked and punctured, a body that was cut wide open, a body that had organs removed and transported and rearranged and reconstructed, a body that was scanned and had tubes shoved down it, a body that was burning from chemicals. Cancer exploded the wall of my disconnection. I suddenly understood that the crisis in my body was the crisis in the world, and it wasn't happening later, it was happening now.
后來,我有了癌癥—— 或者說我發(fā)現(xiàn)我得了癌癥。 這就像一只高速飛行的鳥 一下撞進(jìn)窗口,摔得粉碎。 忽然之間,我感覺到了身體, 一個能被刺痛 能被戳進(jìn) 能被切開的身體, 可以拿走器官 移植,重新調(diào)配,再造的身體。 一個能被掃描的身體, 一個插著導(dǎo)管的身體, 一個有化學(xué)反應(yīng)的身體。 這是癌癥炸開了 我那被隔絕于心的墻。 我忽然意識到我身體的危機(jī) 就是這個世界的危機(jī), 它不是將要發(fā)生, 它正在發(fā)生。
Suddenly, my cancer was a cancer that was everywhere, the cancer of cruelty, the cancer of greed, the cancer that gets inside people who live down the streets from chemical plants -- and they're usually poor -- the cancer inside the coal miner's lungs, the cancer of stress for not achieving enough, the cancer of buried trauma, the cancer in caged chickens and polluted fish, the cancer in women's uteruses from being raped, the cancer that is everywhere from our carelessness.
忽然,我的癌癥充滿了這個世界, 殘忍的癌癥,貪婪的癌癥, 那是的人內(nèi)心的癌癥, 那些住在化工廠附近窮人們的癌癥, 那些煤礦工人們肺里的癌癥, 那些因不滿足而導(dǎo)致的壓力產(chǎn)生的癌癥, 那些被掩蓋創(chuàng)傷的癌癥, 那些圈養(yǎng)的雞和被污染的魚的癌癥, 那些被強(qiáng)暴的女性子宮中的癌癥, 癌癥存在于任何一個我們忽視的地方。
In his new and visionary book, "New Self, New World," the writer Philip Shepherd says, "If you are divided from your body, you are also divided from the body of the world, which then appears to be other than you or separate from you, rather than the living continuum to which you belong." Before cancer, the world was something other. It was as if I was living in a stagnant pool and cancer dynamited the boulder that was separating me from the larger sea. Now I am swimming in it. Now I lay down in the grass and I rub my body in it, and I love the mud on my legs and feet. Now I make a daily pilgrimage to visit a particular weeping willow by the Seine, and I hunger for the green fields in the bush outside Bukavu. And when it rains hard rain, I scream and I run in circles.
在一本頗有前瞻性的新書, 《新自我,新世界》里, 作者謝菲爾德.飛利浦說, “若你分離于身體, 則你亦分離于世界之體, 成為另一個你, 或是由你分離而出, 而非連續(xù)統(tǒng)一體, 這本應(yīng)是你的歸依。 在患癌之前, 這個世界是不一樣的 我就好像生活在一潭死水池塘里 癌癥炸毀了池塘里 橫亙于我和大海間的巨石。 現(xiàn)在我在其中暢游。 現(xiàn)在我躺在草地上, 讓小草摩挲著身體, 我也喜歡讓泥巴爬滿我的腳和腿。 現(xiàn)在我每天冥修, 就在賽納河邊的一棵垂柳下。 我也渴望綠色田野 喜歡布卡武(剛果地名)之外灌木林中的綠地。 當(dāng)天降大雨時, 我喜歡叫囂乎東西,隳突乎南北。
I know that everything is connected, and the scar that runs the length of my torso is the markings of the earthquake. And I am there with the three million in the streets of Port-au-Prince. And the fire that burned in me on day three through six of chemo is the fire that is burning in the forests of the world. I know that the abscess that grew around my wound after the operation, the 16 ounces of puss, is the contaminated Gulf of Mexico, and there were oil-drenched pelicans inside me and dead floating fish. And the catheters they shoved into me without proper medication made me scream out the way the Earth cries out from the drilling.
我知道萬事萬物都是相連的, 那個留在我身上長長的疤痕 就是地震的印記。 我和三百萬人一同站在太子港街道上(海地首都,2010年曾有大地震) 在我第三至六天的化療里 我感到炙熱如火 就像那世界森林 的熊熊大火。 我知道會有膿腫 手術(shù)后會傷口會長膿腫。 16盎司的膿液, 就像是被污染的墨西哥灣, 還有那些渾身沾滿油污的鵜鶘 , 和那些漂浮的死魚。 那些在我身體的導(dǎo)管處理不當(dāng) 令我痛得大叫, 就像地球被鉆探而痛呼一樣。
In my second chemo, my mother got very sick and I went to see her. And in the name of connectedness, the only thing she wanted before she died was to be brought home by her beloved Gulf of Mexico. So we brought her home, and I prayed that the oil wouldn't wash up on her beach before she died. And gratefully, it didn't. And she died quietly in her favorite place.
在我第二次化療的時候, 我母親已經(jīng)病的很嚴(yán)重了, 我去探望她。 這也有關(guān)聯(lián)的是, 她臨終前唯一希望的事情 就是把她帶回家 帶至她至愛的墨西哥灣。 所以我們把她送回家, 我祈禱那些油污不要沖到她的海灘上 能讓她安心離去。 很感恩,那里沒有油污, 母親在她喜愛的地方安詳?shù)娜ナ懒恕?/p>
And a few weeks later, I was in New Orleans, and this beautiful, spiritual friend told me she wanted to do a healing for me. And I was honored. And I went to her house, and it was morning, and the morning New Orleans sun was filtering through the curtains. And my friend was preparing this big bowl, and I said, "What is it?" And she said, "It's for you. The flowers make it beautiful, and the honey makes it sweet." And I said, "But what's the water part?" And in the name of connectedness, she said, "Oh, it's the Gulf of Mexico." And I said, "Of course it is." And the other women arrived and they sat in a circle, and Michaela bathed my head with the sacred water. And she sang -- I mean her whole body sang. And the other women sang and they prayed for me and my mother.
幾周以后,我到了新奧爾良, 一個美麗的,而有靈性的朋友對我說, 她想為我做一次治療。 我很榮幸。 一天早上,我去了她家。 那個清晨,新奧爾良的陽光透過窗簾傾泄進(jìn)來, 我的朋友準(zhǔn)備了一個大碗, 我問:“這是什么?” 她說,“這是給你的, 鮮花能讓它美麗, 蜂蜜能使它甘甜。" 我說,"那水的韻意呢?“ 因為萬物相連, 她說,"哦,那是墨西哥灣的水。” 我說,“當(dāng)然.。” 其她女人踱步而入,她們圍坐一圈, 米凱拉用圣水浸洗我的頭部, 并吟唱,她整個身心都在唱歌。 其他的女人也開始和唱, 她們?yōu)槲液臀业哪赣H祈禱。
And as the warm Gulf washed over my naked head, I realized that it held the best and the worst of us. It was the greed and recklessness that led to the drilling explosion. It was all the lies that got told before and after. It was the honey in the water that made it sweet, it was the oil that made it sick. It was my head that was bald -- and comfortable now without a hat. It was my whole self melting into Michaela's lap. It was the tears that were indistinguishable from the Gulf that were falling down my cheek. It was finally being in my body. It was the sorrow that's taken so long. It was finding my place and the huge responsibility that comes with connection. It was the continuing devastating war in the Congo and the indifference of the world. It was the Congolese women who are now rising up. It was my mother leaving, just at the moment that I was being born. It was the realization that I had come very close to dying -- in the same way that the Earth, our mother, is barely holding on, in the same way that 75 percent of the planet are hardly scraping by, in the same way that there is a recipe for survival.
當(dāng)溫暖的海灣之水洗滌過我的光頭, 我意識到,它保留著 我們最好的和最惡的東西。 是貪婪和輕妄 導(dǎo)致鉆井爆炸。 所言皆是謊言 無論是之前和之后的。 是蜜糖讓它變甜美 是污油讓它令人厭。 我沒有頭發(fā) 沒有帽子也感到舒服了。 我整個身心 融化在米凱拉的圈子里。 無法與港灣分開的是淚水 滑落過我的臉頰。 它最終回歸我的身體。 它是愁苦悲傷, 存在多時, 最后,它找到了我 將那巨大的責(zé)任 和我連接起來。 它是戰(zhàn)亂頻仍的剛果 是冷漠相待的世界, 它是正在成長的 剛果婦女們, 它是我母親的離去, 恰在此刻 我重獲新生。 我意識到, 我與死亡已經(jīng)很近—— 就像地球母親, 快撐不住了, 就像這星球的75% 仍然在勉強(qiáng)維持, 同樣地 也有生存之道。
What I learned is it has to do with attention and resources that everybody deserves. It was advocating friends and a doting sister. It was wise doctors and advanced medicine and surgeons who knew what to do with their hands. It was underpaid and really loving nurses. It was magic healers and aromatic oils. It was people who came with spells and rituals. It was having a vision of the future and something to fight for, because I know this struggle isn't my own. It was a million prayers. It was a thousand hallelujahs and a million oms. It was a lot of anger, insane humor, a lot of attention, outrage. It was energy, love and joy. It was all these things. It was all these things. It was all these things in the water, in the world, in my body.
我所知的是 這需要關(guān)注和資源 這是每個人都應(yīng)關(guān)注的。 它是倡導(dǎo)的朋友們, 是被溺愛的姐妹。 它是聰明的醫(yī)生和先進(jìn)的藥品 以及雙手靈活嫻熟的外科醫(yī)生, 它是那些低報酬卻很可愛的護(hù)士們, 它是神奇的醫(yī)療者們和那些芳香油, 它是那些魔幻的人們。 它是對未來的憧憬 值得為之奮斗的東西 因為我知道,我不是一個人在戰(zhàn)斗。 它是百萬祈禱者。 它是千首頌揚(yáng)歌 百萬份榮耀。 它有許多怒火, 瘋狂的幽默, 無數(shù)的關(guān)注和憤慨。 它是活力,愛和喜樂。 它是所有這一切 它是所有這一切 它是所有的這一切, 它是所有水中的,在世間的,和我身體中的一切。
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