【大作文精益求精】雅思寫作社會類話題9分范文解析
備考雅思寫作考試,考生要掌握方法也要多看看優(yōu)秀范文,從中學(xué)習(xí)精華之處。本文為大家?guī)?a href=http://www.hengchuai.cn/writing/englishtest/ielts/ target=_blank class=infotextkey>雅思寫作社會類滿分范文解析,想要取得寫作高分的考生們一定要多多參考學(xué)習(xí)呢,相信你會從中大有收獲。
首先我們還是來分析一下社會類話題的簡介:社會類的話題是雅思各類話題寫作中涵蓋面最廣泛的一類寫作,也是常考的一類題目。其話題涉及衣,食,住,行的各個方面,如傳統(tǒng)服裝與流行服飾、快餐與傳統(tǒng)烹飪、建筑布局設(shè)計與舊房拆遷、交通堵塞與私人汽車的限制等; 老人、青少年、婦女、少數(shù)民族等弱勢群體方面的現(xiàn)象與問題,如尊重老人、青少年犯罪、工作中的性別歧視、少數(shù)民族的生存困難; 國際旅游與移民等方面的利弊; 醫(yī)療、健康、工作壓力、競爭、讀書學(xué)習(xí)等方面的社會現(xiàn)象與觀念的討論。
在了解了社會類話題的簡介之后,想必大家很迫不及待想分析一篇真正的滿分社會類作文了,先別急,還是讓我們再來回顧一下雅思大作文的四項評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn):
Task response(TR):
Whether all parts of the task are addressed
Whether a viewpoint is clearly expressed, developed and supported
要完成大作文的TR一定要完成題目要求,并且要給出清晰的扣題的觀點,并進行論證。所以大作文的論證一定要充分并且有效。
Cohesion and coherence (CC):
Whether the response has a suitable layout and logical ordering of points
(文章是否條理清晰,行文有邏輯)
Correct and appropriate use of connectives
(是否正確使用銜接詞)
Lexical resources (LR):
Range and accuracy of vocabulary (詞匯豐富度和準(zhǔn)確度)
The correct form and spelling of the words (詞匯形式和拼寫正確)
Grammatical range and accuracy (GRA):
The range and accuracy of tenses and sentence structure (時態(tài)和句式的豐富度和準(zhǔn)確度)
Ok,就讓我們帶著這四項評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn),一起來看一下一篇滿分社會類作文是如何達(dá)到了考官的要求,拿到滿分的。
題目:
Fast food is now universally available in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.
What are your opinions on this?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
范文:
The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the availability of fast food. Some laud its convenience and relatively low cost; however, in this easy I intend to argue that this kind of food is detrimental both to the individuals that consume it and to society at large. There are two primary reasons for this.
First of all, it is an undeniable fact that consuming fast food to excess results in serious health problems. Food such as fried chicken, hamburgers and chips---which are incredibly high in fat and salt---are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart disease. Moreover, although I certainly agree that fast food is both affordable and convenient, the cost and inconvenience of treating the illness it causes in later life are significant. In other words, while fast food is beneficial in the short term, its long-term effects are generally negative.
Further and even more importantly, though, some fast food chains deliberately attempt to attract children in order to shape their future eating habits. One particularly good example of this is the character Ronald McDonald---the bright clothes and smile of the McDonalds clown are a beacon to children. Having grown up eating in McDonalds restaurants, people are likely to continue eating there throughout their adult lives. It is also interesting to note that McDonalds provides playgrounds and frequently holds children’s birthday parties in order to attract young children and their parents.
By way of conclusion, I believe that fast food will continue to become more popular as the pace of this increases. Give the health risks associated with this trend; I believe that public education campaigns warning people about the dangers of fast food would be warranted.
(288 words)
Task Response (TR):
首先,我們一同來看一下這篇范文在TR的精彩表現(xiàn):
Whether all parts of the task are addressed
經(jīng)過審題我們發(fā)現(xiàn),這篇文章給我們的任務(wù)是:
1,對于這個快餐消極和積極方面給出自己的一個觀點;
2,給出具體的例子或者自己的知識來論證;
3,至少寫250個字。
關(guān)于快餐文化這個社會類的話題,我們經(jīng)過審題發(fā)現(xiàn)這是一個個人觀點類的話題,What are your opinions on this即給出你自己的觀點。在首段的作者開門見山的指出in this easy I intend to argue that this kind of food is detrimental both to the individuals that consume it and to society at large即作者的觀點是快餐對消費者以及整個社會都是有害的。那作者是否完成了第二個任務(wù)呢?我們可以接著往后看,第二段以及第三段,作者用了大段篇幅來證明自己的觀點,并且還有一個總結(jié)段。并且整篇文章的篇幅是288,完成了第二項和第三項的任務(wù)。
Whether a viewpoint is clearly expressed, developed and supported
接下來我們就來看一下這篇文章觀點的表達(dá)是否充分有說服力呢?
看第二段我們不難發(fā)現(xiàn)作者的第一個觀點是it is an undeniable fact that consuming fast food to excess results in serious health problems即過度食用快餐會導(dǎo)致嚴(yán)重的健康問題。那文章是怎么來論證這個觀點的呢? 作者第一個論點論證的時候運用了道理論證,鞭辟入里的講到炸雞,漢堡,薯片這樣的快餐含有高脂肪高鹽量會導(dǎo)致高血壓,肥胖病以及心臟病。第二個論點作者寫道快餐產(chǎn)業(yè)鏈有意識的吸引兒童并且塑造了他們將來的飲食習(xí)慣,并且使用了舉例論證,以麥當(dāng)勞為例,麥當(dāng)勞餐廳采取一系列措施,讓年輕人形成一種習(xí)慣。非常的具體形象的例子讓讀者更加信服!
Cohesion and Coherence(CC):
這篇文章的在連貫程度上也非常的值得我們借鑒:
第一段中句與句直接的連接詞有however,表示轉(zhuǎn)折; 第二段中有moreover進一步說; in other words換句話說;though盡管等等;這些連接詞連接上下句,可以使句子更加的通順。
段與段直接的連接詞有:first of all首先,further and even more importantly更重要的是,by way of conclusion總結(jié)。段與段直接的連接詞或者短語,可以使文章過度的更加自然,起到了承上啟下的作用。
Lexical resources (LR)
那么文章在詞匯方面又有哪些值得我們學(xué)習(xí)的呢?
Dramatic increase 急速增加
Availability 可利用性
Laud 贊美
Be Detrimental to 有害的
At large 整體
Undeniable fact 不可否認(rèn)的事實
Be responsible for 有責(zé)任
Ailment 疾病
Affordable 買得起的
Beneficial 有利的
Deliberately 故意地
Fast food chain 快餐產(chǎn)業(yè)鏈
As the pace of 跟隨步伐
Associated with 與…相關(guān)
Public education campaign 宣傳教育活動
Warranted 有保證的
這些單詞或詞組都是有很亮點的加分詞匯,可以給自己的文章增光。我們應(yīng)該多積累不同話題的相關(guān)詞匯,更好的運用到自己的寫作中。
Grammar range and accuracy (GRA)
文章在語法方面也顯示出來很扎實的功底:
開頭的第一句話就是一個很地道的表達(dá):The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the availability of fast food用時間做主語,過去的50年見證了快餐的快速發(fā)展,這樣寫達(dá)到了主語多樣性的一個作用。其次it is an undeniable fact that consuming fast…放在了第二段的開頭,作者很巧妙的把好的句式都放在很顯眼的地方,非常的聰明,我們也可以學(xué)習(xí)這樣的手法。這句話中it is… 這里是一個形式主語,真正的主句是后面的that從句。Food such as fried chicken, hamburgers and chips---which are incredibly high in fat and salt---are responsible for…這句話中的兩個破折號,是一個插入語,起到了解釋說明的作用,可以使文章的句式表達(dá)更具有多樣性,標(biāo)點符號的使用也是一個加分項。之后的Having grown up eating in…用到了非謂語做主語。總之這篇文章語法很正確,句式很多樣。
最后我們還是來總結(jié)一下寫好一篇滿分社會類作文要做到那幾點呢?
1,首先了解社會類的話題,對各個問題有自己獨到的一個見解。
2,多積累社會類話題的詞匯,短語,可以詞匯的正確專業(yè)能夠使整個文章水平上升一個高度。
3,審題清楚,了解問題要應(yīng)試者回答哪幾個問題,完成所有的任務(wù)。
4,論點要清晰,表達(dá)清楚,論證要有說服力,可以用到道理論證,舉例論證和對比論證等等。
5,語法要正確,盡量使文章的句式保持多樣性。
以上就是小站為大家?guī)淼难潘紝懽魃鐣悵M分范文解析的具體介紹,考生們要在平時多多練習(xí),孰能生巧才能制勝。希望考生朋友們考出滿意的雅思成績!
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