“there is nothing either good or bad,but thinking makes it so.”---- - william shakespeare, “hamlet”

one of the greatest sources of unhappiness, in my experience, is the difficulty we have in accepting things as they are.

without judgment, without wishing for otherwise.

when we see something we don’t like, we wish it could be different — we cry out for something better. that may be human nature, or perhaps it’s something that’s ingrained in our culture.

the root of the unhappiness isn’t necessarily that we want things to be different, however: it’s that we decided we didn’t like it in the first place. we’ve judged it as bad, rather than saying, “it’s not bad or good, it just is.”

an example: in my recent post, a beautiful method to find peace of mind, quite a few commenters thought my outlook was negative, pessimistic, or fatalistic … because i said you should expect people to mess up, expect things to go differently than you planned, and that you should embrace that.

it’s too negative to expect things to go wrong, they said. however: it’s only negative if you see it as negative. if you judge it as bad.

instead, you could accept it as the way the world works — as the way things actually are. and try to understand why that is, and embrace it. as it is.

this can be applied to whatever you do: whether it be how other people act at work, how politics works and how depressing the news media can be. accept these things as they are, and try to understand why they’re that way.

it’ll save you a lot of grief, because you’ll no longer say, “oh, i wish things didn’t suck!”

does it mean you can never change things? not at all. but change things not because you can’t accept things as they are, but because you enjoy the process of change, of learning and growing.

can we make this world a better place? again, that’s assuming that it’s a bad place right now. but instead, you could say the world is just what it is — and that’s neither good nor bad. you can say that you’ll continue to try to do things to help others, to grow as a person, to make a difference in this world — not because you’re such a bad person now, or the world sucks, but because that’s the path you choose to take, because you enjoy that path.

as you catch yourself judging, and wishing for different — and we all do it — try a different approach: accept, and understand. it might lead to some interesting results.

“be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. when you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - lao tzu

 

沒有什么事物是好的或壞的，僅僅是你的思想把它變成了那樣。---莎士比亞-哈姆雷特

經驗告訴我，使我們不快樂的最主要的原因，是我們自身很難接受事物的本來面目。（如果）沒有臆斷，（如果）不主觀的期望事物都變成我們喜歡的那樣…每當我們碰到不喜歡的事物時，我們往往希望它能變成我們期望的樣子。這可能是人類的天性，也可能是在我們文化中根深蒂固的習慣吧。追根溯源，我們不開心的根本原因，應該不是上文提到的那個思維習慣，而是因為當我們認為自己不喜歡一個事物時，我們就會說它是壞的，而不是（理智的）說，“它本身就是這個樣子”。一個例子，我最近發表了文章《尋找內心那一泓清泉》，很多朋友都說我的觀點太悲觀了，甚至有點聽天由命的意思…因為我說人們應該主觀的期望不順利，期望事情不按照自己的計劃發展，同時還應該接受它。很多朋友說，希望事情變得糟糕，這也太悲觀了。但是，其實僅僅當你認為它是悲觀的時候，它才是悲觀的，僅僅因為你覺得它不好。但反過來，（其實）人們應該接受這世界的運轉方式，接受事物的客觀形態。試圖去理解它們為什么會這樣，然后接受它們。面對生活中的一切都應該這樣，無論是其他人的工作方式，或是政治活動，或是新聞多么讓人沮喪等。客觀的接受它們，并試圖理解它們為什么會這樣。這會使你省掉許多憂傷或憤慨，你不會再說：“我真希望事情不是這樣的爛！”但這就代表你再也不要改變事物了么？當然不是。但當你試圖去改變事物的時候，目的上不該是因為你無法接受它或者討厭它，而是因為你喜歡這改變的過程，因為你可以從中學到很多并使自己成長很多。我們能讓這世界變得更美好么？這句話本身就再一次給了一個錯誤的假設，認為這世界不好。反過來，我們應該說世界就是這樣的，沒有什么絕對的好與不好。我們可以繼續幫助他人，提高自己，創造新的事物…并不是我們自己不好，也不是因為這世界太爛了，而是因為這是我們選擇的生活方式，也是我們喜歡的生活方式。當人們能夠主觀的控制自己的判斷，換個角度看待事物：接受并試圖理解。這產生的影響一定會很有趣。