Demaged Goods
The dust mites1 danced in the ray of sunshine that provided the only light in the rabbi's2 office. He leaned back in his office chair and sighed as he stroked3 his beard. Then he took his wire-rimmed4 glasses and polished them absentmindedly5 on his flannel6 shirt.
" So，" he said， " you were divorced. Now you want to marry this good Jewish7 boy. What's the problem？"
He nestled8 his grizzled9 chin in his hand and smiled softly at me.
I want to shriek. What's the problem？ First of all， I'm Christian. Second， I'm older than he is. Third――and not least， by any means―― I'm divorced！ Instead， I looked back into his soft brown eyes and tried to form the words.
" Don't you think，" I stuttered10， " that being divorced is like being used？ Like being damaged goods？"
He settled back into the office chair and stretched so that he was looking at the ceiling. He stroked the scraggly11 beard that covered his chin and his neck. Then， he returned to his spot behind the desk and leaned toward me.
" Say you have to have surgery. Say you have a choice between two doctors. Who are you going to choose？ The one right out of medical school or the one with experience？"
" The one with experience，" I said.
His face crinkled12 into a grin. " I would， too，" he locked his eyes with mine. " So in this marriage， you will be the one with experi ence. That's not such a bad thing， you know."
" Often， marriages tend to drift. They get caught in dangerous currents13. They get off course and head toward hidden sandbars14. No one notices until it is too late. On your face， I see the pain of a marriage gone bad. You will notice the drift in this marriage. You'll call out when you see the rocks. You'll yell15 to watch out and pay attention. You'll be the person with experience，" he sighed. " And believe me， that's not such a bad thing. Not bad at all."
He walked to the window and peeked between the slats16 of the blinds17. " You see， no one here knows about my first wife. I don't hide it， but I don't make a big deal about it. She died early in our marriage before I moved here. Now， late at night I think of all the words I never said. I think of all the chances I let pass by in that first marriage， and I believe I'm a better husband to my wife today because of the woman I lost."
For the first time， the sadness in his eyes had meaning. Now I understood why I chose to come talk to this man about marriage instead of taking an easier route and getting married outside both our religions. The word " rabbi" means teacher. Somehow I sensed he could teach me， or even lend me， the courage I needed in order to try again， to marry again and to love again.
" I will marry you and your David，" said the rabbi." If you promise me that you will be the person who yells out when you see the marriage is in danger."
I promised him I would， and I rose to leave.
" By the way，" he called to me as I hesitated in his doorway，" did anyone ever tell you that Joanna is a good Hebrew18 name？"
Sixteen years have passed since the rabbi married David and me on a rainy October morning. And， yes， I have called out several times when I sensed we were in danger. I would tell the rabbi how well his analogy19 has served me， but I cannot. He died two years after our wedding. But I will always be grateful for the priceless gift he gave me： the wisdom to know that all of our experiences in life make us not less valuable， but more valuable， not less able to love， but more able to love.
微塵在射進拉比辦公室的那縷陽光中飛舞著，那縷陽光是拉比辦公室里惟一的光源。拉比坐在椅子上往后仰，撫摸著他的胡須嘆息了一聲。他摘下金屬絲鏡架的眼鏡，漫不經心地在他的法蘭絨襯衫上擦拭著。
"這么說，"他開了口，"你離婚了?，F在你想與這位猶太好小伙子結婚，有什么問題？"
他用手把住他那有花白胡須的下巴，溫柔地沖我微笑著。
我真想尖叫。有什么問題？首先，我是基督教徒。第二，我比他年齡大。第三，這絕不是最不重要的――我離過婚！但我沒有叫，而是迎向他那雙溫柔的棕色的眼睛，努力組織著話語。
"您不認為，"我結結巴巴地說，"離過婚就像東西被用過一樣吧？就像是受損的物品吧？"
他坐在椅子上，頭往后靠，伸直了腿，將目光投向天花板。他輕捋著他那稀稀拉拉的、遮蓋了下巴和脖子的胡須，然后他將身子轉回辦公桌前并朝我這邊俯過來。
"比如說你得做個手術。有兩位醫生可供你選擇。你會選誰？選位剛從醫學院畢業的，還是選那位有經驗的？"
"有經驗的那位，"我回答。
他笑了，臉上都是皺紋。"我也是，"他凝視著我說。"那么在這樁婚姻中，你就是有經驗的一方。要知道這并不是什么壞事。"
"婚姻往往像在水上漂流，會陷入危險的激流里，會偏離航向流向暗藏的沙洲。等注意到時已經晚了。在你的臉上，我看到了一樁失敗婚姻留下的痛苦。在這樁婚姻中你會注意到流向。當你看到巖石時你會大喊一聲。你會呼叫要小心些，注意點。你將是有經驗的那個人，"他嘆息著說。"相信我，那并不是什么壞事，真地不是。"
他走到窗邊，透過百葉板向外瞥了一眼。"你瞧，這里沒有人知道我的第一位妻子。我并沒有掩藏，但我也沒有大肆渲染。我們結婚沒多久她就去世了，后來我遷居到這里。現在，夜深人靜時我想到所有那些我從未能說出的話，我想到所有那些我在第一次婚姻中錯過的機會。我相信對于我現在的妻子我是個更好的丈夫，是因為那位我失去的女人。"
第一次，他眼里的悲傷顯露出了含義?，F在我明白了為什么我選擇來和這個人談婚姻，而沒有圖省事去找不屬于我們雙方宗教的人為我們主持婚禮。"拉比"一詞意味著老師。不知怎的，我感覺出他會教給我，甚至會給予我去再次嘗試、再次結婚、再次奉獻出愛情所需要的勇氣。
"我會為你和你的戴維主持婚禮，"拉比說。"但條件是，你要答應我，當你發現婚姻陷入危機時你要大聲說出來。"
我答應他我會的，然后我起身離開。
"順便說一句，"當我走到門口猶豫片刻時他叫住我，"有沒有人告訴過你喬安娜是個好的希伯來語名字？"
10月一個下雨的早晨，拉比為我和戴維舉行了婚禮。一晃16年過去了。是的，有幾次當我感覺到我們身陷危機時我就大聲地說了出來。我多想告訴拉比他的比喻讓我多么受益。但是我無法告訴他。我們結婚兩年后他就去世了。但是我永遠感激他賜予我的無價的禮物：一種智慧，它使我懂得我們生活中所有的經歷并不會使我們貶值，而是使我們更有價值，并不會使我們喪失愛的能力，而是使我們更有能力去愛。
注釋：
1.mite n.微小的東西
2.rabbi n.拉比（指猶太教負責執行教規、律法并主持宗教儀式的人員或猶太教會眾領袖。原意為"我的老師".）
3.stroke vt.（用手等）摩，捋
4.wire-rimmed adj.（眼鏡）金屬絲鏡架的
5.absentmindedly adv.心不在焉地
6.flannel n.法蘭絨
7.Jewish adj.猶太人的
8.nestle vt.使緊貼，攬
9.grizzled adj.花白的，灰的
10.stutter vt.結結巴巴地說出
11.scraggly adj.稀疏的
12.crinkle vi.起皺，成波狀
13.current n.（空氣，水等的）流，潮流
14.sandbar n.河口沙洲
15.yell vi.叫嚷，叫喊
16.slat n.百葉板
17.blind n.百葉窗
18.Hebrew adj.希伯來語的
19.analogy n.比喻，類比
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