It's the one parental motto1 every kid knows by heart： Just because everybody else is doing it， that doesn't mean you should， too. From playgrounds to parties， the mantra2 resonates3 among tots and teens with each choice they make. But apparently， parents are the ones who need that advice.

　　When it comes to discipline， too many parents let tempers flare out of control， says a new study by sociologist Murray A. Straus， codirector of the Family Research Lab at the University of New Hampshire. 　　" Parents should never yell， scream， or call their kid names，" he cautions. But nearly all Americans do， no matter their ethnicity5， age， or socioeconomic6 group， the study of 991 parents concludes. Verbal attacks start early on. Half of parents have screamed， yelled， or shouted in rage at their infants7. By the time a child reaches 7 years old， 98 percent of parents are verbally lashing out. In some cases， the aggression is startling8. One of five parents has threatened to kick a teenage son or daughter out of the house， while a quarter have sworn at their offspring.

　　The episodes can have serious repercussions9， warns Straus， who presented the findings at the American Sociological Association meeting. His earlier work has linked parental verbal aggressiveness with children's mental illness and， along with a dozen other studies， showed that a parent's vocal fury can increase the odds of a child's developing delinquency10， depression， and even bulimia11.

　　Several countries have already passed laws banning disciplinary action that inflicts12 mental suffering on a child， and Straus views them as models to emulate13. Sweden was the first to do so， with an official mandate14 in 1979 that prohibits not only spanking but also any " humiliating treatment" of kids. Swedes publicized the rule on milk cartons， on public TV， and in schools. Many other nations followed suit， including Austria，Denmark， and Israel.And last month， Germany joined the protective ranks， officially assuring children of the right to a nonviolent upbringing without psychological15 injuries.

　　Critics regard Straus's vision as impractical， but a number of them still consider his insights valuable. " The reality is we're all human，" says Mark Wolraich， professor of pediatrics16 at Vanderbilt University and the father of three kids. " The occasional outburst17 should not be called abuse， but that's not to say it isn't inappropriate." Wolraich contends18 that while laws are not the key to a violence-free， psychologically healthy upbringing， education is. Pediatricians and other public-health advocates， he argues， should teach parents to concentrate on nurturing more-gentle relationships with children. While parents are establishing a bond with a child during baseball outings and backyard games， for example， they can set a tone of enduring19 love and affection that will mitigate20 the consequences of the occasional future eruption.

　　To be sure， spoken fury doesn't affect only the children. Parents might also profit from eliminating the rants21. When you lose your temper with your kids， you feel bad――you often feel worse than they feel.

　　家長們有一句至理名言，每個孩子心中都很明白，那就是，其他人都這么做，這并不是說你也應(yīng)該這么做。無論是在操場上，還是在聚會上，小家伙們每當(dāng)要作出選擇時，這句咒語般的話就會在耳邊回響。但是，這句忠告顯然家長們更需要。

　　新罕布什爾大學(xué)家庭問題研究實(shí)驗(yàn)所的一位負(fù)責(zé)人、社會學(xué)家默里?斯特勞斯的一項(xiàng)新研究表明，每當(dāng)孩子違反了紀(jì)律，許許多多的家長就忍不住要大發(fā)脾氣。他提醒說："家長們絕對不可呵斥和叫喊，也不可用傷人的話責(zé)罵孩子。"然而對991名家長進(jìn)行的調(diào)查結(jié)果表明，幾乎所有的美國人都這樣做，不論他們的種族、年齡或社會經(jīng)濟(jì)地位如何。這種口頭斥責(zé)在孩子很小的時候就開始了。有一半的家長曾對嬰兒大聲叫嚷或生氣地呵斥。孩子長到7歲時，98％的父母都難以控制對孩子出語傷人。有時家長的兇勁簡直讓人吃驚。1/5的家長曾威脅要把孩子踢出家門，1/4的家長曾經(jīng)咒罵過子女。

　　斯特勞斯警告說，這種經(jīng)歷會對孩子有嚴(yán)重的影響。他在美國社會學(xué)聯(lián)合會召開的會議上提交了這項(xiàng)研究結(jié)果。他的早期研究將父母的言語攻擊與孩子的精神疾病聯(lián)系起來；其他的一些研究也表明，家長的言語狂暴，會提高孩子形成青少年犯罪、抑郁，甚至暴食的可能性。

　　有些國家已頒布了法律，禁止家長采取會致使孩子精神痛苦的懲戒行為；斯特勞斯認(rèn)為這是值得效法的。瑞典是第一個頒布此類法令的國家，它于1979年正式頒布的法令不僅禁止毆打而且還禁止任何"羞辱"孩子的行為。瑞典人還在牛奶盒上、公共電視節(jié)目中，以及學(xué)校里宣傳這些規(guī)定。奧地利、丹麥和以色列等其他許多國家都紛紛效仿。上個月德國也加入了保護(hù)行列，正式宣布保障兒童在無精神傷害的非暴力環(huán)境中成長的權(quán)利。

　　批評家們覺得斯特勞斯的觀點(diǎn)不實(shí)際，但其中有些人仍然認(rèn)為他的見解是有價值的。范德比爾特大學(xué)兒科學(xué)教授馬克?沃爾雷奇（3個孩子的父親）說："現(xiàn)實(shí)是，我們都是人。偶爾的情緒爆發(fā)不應(yīng)叫做虐待，但并不是說這樣做是適當(dāng)?shù)摹?他認(rèn)為，營造一個沒有暴力、心理健康的成長環(huán)境的關(guān)鍵不是法律，而是教育。他說，兒科學(xué)家和其他倡導(dǎo)公共健康的人士，應(yīng)該教導(dǎo)家長們注意與孩子建立較為溫和融洽的關(guān)系。舉例來說，當(dāng)家長和孩子一起外出打棒球或進(jìn)行戶外活動建立感情聯(lián)系時，可以營造一種持久的充滿關(guān)愛的氣氛，這對將來可能發(fā)生沖突的后果能夠起到緩解作用。

　　當(dāng)然，言語狂暴影響的不僅僅是孩子。改掉大聲叫罵的習(xí)慣，家長們也會受益。每當(dāng)你對孩子發(fā)脾氣時，自己的感覺并不好，而且經(jīng)常比孩子的感覺更糟。

　　注釋：

　　1.motto n.警句，格言，座右銘

　　2.mantra n.符咒，禱文

　　3.resonate vi.回響，反響，回蕩

　　4.derogatory adj.貶低的

　　5.ethnicity n.種族地位，種族淵源

　　6.socioeconomic adj.社會經(jīng)濟(jì)的

　　7.infant n.嬰兒，幼兒

　　8.startling adj.使人驚跳的

　　9.repercussion n.影響，后果

　　10.delinquency n.少年犯罪，錯誤

　　11.bulimia n.食欲過盛

　　12.inflict vt.使遭受（損傷等）

　　13.emulate vt.仿效，模仿

　　14.mandate n.指令

　　15.psychological adj.精神的

　　16.pediatrics n.兒科學(xué)

　　17.outburst n.爆發(fā)

　　18.contend vt.辯論

　　19.enduring adj.持久的

　　20.mitigate vt.減輕

　　21.rant n.痛罵

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