英漢雙語笑話14
Asking for a Raise
At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn't bother people in the outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager's secretary, she looked up and inquired, "Asking for a raise again?"
要求加薪
我在一家電臺工作。經理把我叫進他的辦公室，讓我預試一下我們準備購買的一套新的音響效果設備。他關上門，以免打擾外面辦公室的人。
聽了幾個常規的音響效果后，我們開始試聽低聲的呻吟，狂亂的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀求逺和槍聲。最后我開門出去，從經理秘書旁邊經過時，她抬起頭問道：“又要求加薪了？”
2.
Clarinet
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?" Scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinets are okay. Have a good trip," and, smiling, waved him on.
單簧管
我在一個交響樂團演奏時，我們樂團與一家大航空公司達成協議，哪些樂器可以帶上飛機，哪些樂器要作為行李托運。一個大提琴手驚愕地發現他那精致、昂貴的木質樂器竟要托運，經受行李艙內的低溫以及野蠻的裝缷。
他干凈利落地解決了這個問題。他手里拿著大提琴，走到門口的空中小姐跟前，問道：“我可以將我單簧管帶上飛機嗎？”她檢視了一下單子，答道，“單簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑著揮手讓他進去了。
3.
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠藥
鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老板說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？”
4.
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
模仿鳥兒
一個人想在一個舞臺劇中找份工作。“你能干什么呢？”負責人問。
“模仿鳥兒，”那人說。
“你在開玩笑吧？”負責人答道，“那樣的人一毛錢可以找一打。”
“噢，那就算了。”那名演員說著，展開翅膀，飛出了窗口。
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