英漢雙語(yǔ)笑話(huà)104

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1.

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours．Then he started again，and said he：“Let me ask the evolutionist a question—if we had tails like a baboon，where are they？”

“I'll venture an answer，” said an old lady．“We have worn them off sitting here so long．”

我們的尾巴

教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話(huà)題又來(lái)了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問(wèn)題——如果我們?cè)?jīng)像狒狒那樣長(zhǎng)著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我來(lái)試試看，”一位老太太說(shuō)。“該是我們?cè)谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”

2.

I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read．There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian．”It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces．The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him．

The lesson was to begin．The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed．The master looked over him，and his hand was ready．I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ；but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：

Master．“Now，young man，have a care ；or I'll set you a swingeing task．”（A common phrase of his．）

Pupil（making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”）．Missionary Can you see the wind？

（Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek．）

Pupil（raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop）．“Indian No！”

Master．“Zounds，young man！have a care how you provoke me！”

Pupil（always forgetting the stop）．Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing？”

（Here a terrible thump．）

Pupil（with a shout of agony）． Indian Because I feel it．”

誦讀課

李·亨特

當(dāng)年我有個(gè)同學(xué)，入學(xué)比常規(guī)的年齡要遲，而且?guī)缀跬耆粫?huì)讀書(shū)。那時(shí)有個(gè)學(xué)生用的閱讀課本，叫做《傳教士和印第安人的對(duì)話(huà)》。課本不怎么樣，盡是不得要領(lǐng)的論說(shuō)和一些老生常談。那孩子常常手拿該課本出現(xiàn)在學(xué)校中央，身后站著教師。

授課即將開(kāi)始。那可憐的學(xué)生的毛病在于他讀音節(jié)時(shí)語(yǔ)調(diào)深沉地拖長(zhǎng)腔并略去應(yīng)有的停頓。他站立著，三心二意地看著書(shū)，一面向身子右邊瞄去，因?yàn)榇驌魧?huì)來(lái)自那個(gè)方向。教師盯視著他，手已擺出了打人的架勢(shì)。因?yàn)闀r(shí)隔已久，我的引述可能不很確切，但就我所憶，先生和學(xué)生的一次對(duì)話(huà)的要旨大致如下：

老師：“年輕人，小心點(diǎn)；要不我可要讓你狠狠吃點(diǎn)苦頭。”（這是他的口頭禪。）

學(xué)生：（大難臨頭，身體猛然一搖閃，根本記不得在“傳教士”一詞后應(yīng)該停頓。）“傳教士你能看見(jiàn)風(fēng)嗎？”

（教師扇了他一耳光。）

學(xué)生：（提高了嗓音，幾乎是在哭喊，但仍不記得要停頓）“印第安人不能啊！”

教師：“該死！年輕人，小心點(diǎn)別惹我發(fā)火！”

學(xué)生：（一如既往漏掉停頓）“傳教士那你怎么知道有這樣一種東西呢？”

（這時(shí)來(lái)了重重一擊。）

學(xué)生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因?yàn)槲腋杏X(jué)到了。”

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