English Humor Part 7

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Is Tom Right?One evening Tom was sitting in a concert hall with his uncle, They were listening to the beautiful music.“Do you know music?” his uncle asked Tom.“Yes.”“Can you tell me what the young man is playing now?”“Yes. He is playing the piano now.” Tom answered with a smile.　He Swore to Die“If you refuse to marry me,” he swore, “I shall die,” She refused him.Sixty years later, he died.　Who Were the Other Two?An adjective has three qualitative degrees: good, better and best.The pernickety English grammar teacher married a man of quality. “You are the best woman in my life,” announced the groom on their wedding night.“And who were the other two?” angrily snapped the grammar-conscious bride.　PolitenessMother: Which apple do you want, tom?Tom: The biggest one.Mother: Why, Tom, you should be polite and take the little one.Tom: Well, Mum, should I lie just to be polite?　She Ate All My BaitThe young boy protested vigorously when his mother asked him to take his little sister to go fishing. “Last time she came,” he objected, “I didn't catch a single fish.”“I'll talk to her,” his mother said,” and I promise this time she won't make any noise.”“It wasn't the noise, Mum,” the boy replied. “She ate all my bait.”　I'll Learn the Latter HalfSon: Dad, is French very difficult to learn?Father: MY boy, at the beginning it is, but after that it becomes very easy.Son: That's great! I'll learn the latter half.　A Poor PoetPoet: I hope you have received the little Volume of poems I sent you.Woman: Oh, yes, I have. It's very nice. I wonder where I have put it?Her son: It's under leg of the table, Mum, to make it steady.　I'll Take TwoTall woman: Look! Here is a magazine that tells how to take five years off your face.Short Woman: Good! I'll take two of them!　The Opposite ResultAfter a year of treatment at a beauty parlor, a forty-year-old woman told her husband. “Miss Tina, who treats me, says that I looked almost fifty before the treatment, but now I look only about thirty.”After a while her husband said, “I'm afraid it's the opposite result.”　When to WriteJack is a college freshman and the school is away from his hometown. His parents have not heard from him for quite a long time. When they met their son upon his return for vacation and asked about it, Jack replied, “I found little time to write when I was busy, and found little to write when I am free.”　Let's Have a TryBefore a young lady bought a lipstick, she asked the shop assistant at the cosmetics counter.“Will the lipstick fade after being kissed?”The man clerk thought for a while and then answered, “Well, we can have a try first and see.”

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