《讀者文摘》雜志選編的幾個笑話

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爸爸是一個信奉“安全第一”的人。一次和好朋友們去度假，他被說服去參加水上降落項目。他在摩托艇后部，把鉤子掛住降落傘，并緊張地問飛行員：“你們多久換一次繩子？” 飛行員友善地回答：“每當它斷的時候。”原文如下： Dad's a safety-first kind of guy.But while vacationing with some buddies,he was talked into going parasailing.He was on the back of the boat getting hooked into the parachute when he nervously asked the pilot,"How often do you replace the rope?" The pilot helpfully replied,"Every time it breaks."原載于美國《讀者文摘》亞洲版2009年7月號151頁三名精神病醫生都十分贊同人們會帶著問題去找他們，但是他們有了問題就不知道該找誰了，所以他們決定，相互聽一下對方最深刻，最黑暗的秘密。第一個醫生坦白，“我是一個有強迫傾向的顧客，特別是在債務方面。所以我總是向病人多收費。” 第二個醫生承認，“我有毒癮，并且迫使我的病人為我買毒品。” 第三個醫生說，“我知道這是不對的，不過不管我怎么嘗試，我就是不能幫別人保守秘密。”原文如下 Three psychiatrists agree that people always come to them with thier problems,but they have no-one to go to with thiers,so they decide to listen to one another's deepest,darkest secrets. The first confesses,"I'm a compulsive shopper,deeply in debt.So I always overbill patients." The second admits,"I have a drug problem,and I pressure my patients into buying drugs for me." The third says,"I know it's wrong,but no matter how hard I try,I just can't keep a secret."原載于美國《讀者文摘》亞洲版2009年7月號56頁在充斥著十幾歲的互聯網“企業家”的那些日子里，當在網上購物時，非常容易忘記你可能總是沒有在和一個大型的有組織的公司打交道。我最近給一個網站發郵件去詢問為什么我訂購的商品還沒有到達。不久，我接到一個可愛的電話。“很抱歉我們延誤了，”一個年輕的男子說。“我會核查然后再通知你。我現在不能連接到網絡因為我媽媽在用吸塵器，這個房間只有一個插座。” In these days of teenage Internet entrepreneurs,it's very easy to forget,when shopping onlines,that you may not always be dealing with a large,highly organised corporation. I recently e-mailed one website to enquire why my goods had not yet arrived.Later,I received a charming telephone call.'sorry for the delay,' said a young male voice.'I'll check and get back to you.I can't access the Net at the moment because my mum's vacuuming and this room only has one socket.'原文載于美國<讀者文摘>雜志亞洲版2006年10月號第142頁在一次晚間家長會上，我遇見一位媽媽，她的孩子在課堂上很容易分心。我問她在家的時候是否注意到這個問題。這位媽媽凝神盯了一會地上，然后說：“這個大樓的地板是新的，不是嗎？”原文如下 One parents' evening,I met the mother of a child who was too easily distracted during lessons.I asked her if she had noticed this problem at home. The mother looked thughtfully at the ground for some moments then said,"This block flooring is new,isn't it?"原文載于美國《讀者文摘》雜志2009年10月號9頁一個醉漢走進一家藥店，要買一瓶漱口水。 “我不會賣給你那玩意的，”藥劑師說，“你會把它當酒精喝掉，然后醉倒在我的門口。” “不會的！”醉鬼堅持道。“這是一年來我第一次約會，我想給對方留下個好印象。” “哦，對不起，給你。”藥劑師從貨架上拿下一瓶漱口水放在柜臺上。醉漢盯著看了一下，“能不能拿瓶冰的？”原文如下：A drunk walks into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash."I'm not selling that,"says the pharmacist."You'll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!""Not ture!"insists the drunk."I have my first date in over a year,and I want to make a good impression.""Oh,I'm sorry.Here."The pharmacist takes a bottle of mouthwash off the shelf and puts it on the counter.The drunk stares at it."Got one that's been refrigerated?"原載于美國《讀者文摘》2009年10月號60頁

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