What Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:
“If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”
My mother taught me religion:
“You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
My mother taught me about time travel:
“If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
My mother taught me logic:
“Because I said so, that's why!”
My mother taught me foresight:
“Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.”
My mother taught me about contortion:
“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
My mother taught me about stamina:
“You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished.”
My mother taught me about weather:
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?”
My mother taught me about hypocrisy:
“If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!!!”
My mother taught me about envy:
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!”
翻譯提示：
母親教我的
我母親教我如何珍惜他人辛苦勞動：
“如果你們要打架，到外邊打去――我剛整理好房間！”
我母親教我什么是宗教：
“你最好祈禱那個東西能從地毯下冒出來。”
我母親教我什么是時間旅行：
“你要是不改，我把你一把推到下周三！”(意為：不讓過周末。)
我母親教我什么是邏輯：
“為什么？因為我就是這么說的！”
我母親教我什么是遠見：
“一定要穿干凈內衣，以防萬一你遇到事故。”
我母親教我什么是柔體雜技：
“你能不能看看你脖子后面的泥！”
我母親教我什么是耐力：
“坐在那兒，直到把所有的菠菜吃完。”
我母親教我認識天氣：
“好像有龍卷風席卷過你的房間。”
我母親教我如何解決物理學問題：
“如果我高聲叫喊，是因為我看見有一顆流星正朝你俯沖而來，那你會不會聽我的話？”
我母親教我什么是偽善：
“如果我曾告訴過你一次，我實際上已告訴過你百萬次――不許夸張!!!”
我母親教我什么是嫉妒：
“這世界上有數百萬不幸的孩子，他們可沒有你這么好的父母。”
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