Maybe it is time to adopt a new strategy in trying to figure out1 why life today is so difficult， and what can be done about it. Assume that not only are things often not what they seem， they may be just the opposite of what they seem. When it comes to human affairs， everything is paradoxical2.

　　People are discontented these days， for example， not because things are worse than ever， but because things are better than ever. Take marriage. In California there are about six divorces for every ten marriages――even higher in some of the better communities. One must admit that a good deal of discontent is reflected in those statistics. But the explanation so frequently offered――that the institution of marriage is in a state of collapse――simply does not hold. Marriage has never been more popular and desirable than it is now， so appealing3 in fact， that even those who are in the process of divorce can scarcely4 wait for the law to allow them to marry again.

　　The problem is that people have never before entered marriage with the high expectations they now hold. Throughout history， the family has been a vital unit for survival， starting as a defense system for physical survival， and gradually becoming a unit for economic survival. Now， of course， the family has become a physical and economic liability5 rather than an asset6. Having met， as a society， the basic survival and security needs， people simply don't need each other anymore to spin7 yarn or wash dishes or repair electrical plugs8 for that matter. The bonds of marriage and family life are no longer functional9， but affectional10. People used to come to love each other because they needed each other. Now it's just the other way around11. They need each other because they love each other.

　　Listening to the complaints of those recently divorced， one seldom hears of brutality12 and desertion13， but usually something like， " We just don't communicate very well" ， " The educational differences between us were simply too great to overcome" ， " I felt trapped in the relationship" ，" He won't let me be me" ， " We don't have much in common anymore" . These complaints are interesting， because they reflect high-order discontent resulting from the failure of marriage to meet the great expectations held for it. Couples now expect――and demand――communication and understanding， shared values and goals， intellectual companionship， great moments of intimacy. By and large14， marriage today actually does deliver such moments， but as a result couples have gone on to burden the relationship with even greater demands. To some extent it has been the success of marriage that has created the discontent.

　　The disturbing15 paradox of social change is that improvement brings the need for more improvement in constantly accelerating demands. So，compared to what used to be， society is way16 ahead； compared to what might be， it is way behind. Society is enabled to feel that conditions are rotten17， because they are actually so good.

　　Another problem is that everything is temporary， nothing lasts. We have grown up with the idea that in order to develop personal security we need stability， roots， consistency18， and familiarity. Yet we live in a world， which in every respect19 is continually changing. Changes are coming fast and faster―― in a sense20 change has become a way of life. The only people who will live successfully in tomorrow's world are those who can accept and enjoy temporary systems.

　　Instead of trying to reduce the discontent felt， try to raise the level or quality of the discontent. Perhaps the most that can be hoped for is to have high-order discontent in today's society， discontent about things that really matter.

　　為什么今天的生活如此艱辛？做些什么才能擺脫生活的艱辛？采取一種新的策略來搞清上述問題，或許是時候了。想來，世事不僅經常不是其表面看起來的樣子，而且也許與其表面看起來的正好相反。人間事務尤其如此――似非而是。

　　比方說，近來人們很不滿足、牢騷滿腹，這倒不是因為事情比以往更糟糕，而是比以往更美好。就拿婚姻來說吧，在加利福尼亞，每10對夫婦就有6對離婚，而在條件更好的社區，離婚率甚至更高。不得不承認的是，這其中反映出大量不滿足困素。對此，經常有這樣的解釋：婚姻體系在崩潰瓦解。但這種解釋完全站不住腳，因為婚姻在現在比在以往任何時候更深得人心、更令人心馳神往。事實上，婚姻魅力誘人，甚至那些正在打離婚的人，幾乎迫不及待地要求法律準許他們再次結婚。

　　問題是以往人們結婚時，從未抱有像現在這樣高的期望。從古至今，家庭一直是人們得以生存的重要單位――剛開始，家庭是一種防御體系，使人們在物質上得以存活；逐漸地，家庭變成了一個單元，使人們在經濟上得以生存。而當今，家庭無論在物質上，還是在經濟上都理所當然地成為一種責任，而不是共同利益。作為一個社會群體中的人們，在其基本的生存與安全需要得到滿足之后，自然而然地，也不再彼此需要來紡紗、洗碗碟或修電源插頭了。這時，婚姻及家庭生活的紐帶不再具有實用功能，而具有了溝通情感的作用。過去，人們常常是由于彼此需要才相愛；而現在，正好相反，人們因為相愛才彼此需要。

　　聽那些最近離婚的人訴說苦衷，很難聽到"暴力"及"遺棄"的字眼，卻經常聽到如下的表述："我們只是無法很好的交流"；"我們之間的教育差別太大了，無法克服"；"我感到婚姻關系把我束縛住了"；"他不讓我成為本來的我"；"我們不再有什么共同語言了".這些苦衷很有意思，因為它們反映的是高層次的不滿足感，其根源是婚姻未能滿足人們所持有的萬般偉大期望。現在，雙方期望并要求交流和理解、共享價值觀與目標、精神相伴以及親密時刻的長久與美妙。總的來說，今日的婚姻確實使人享有了這樣的時刻。但回過頭來，雙方甚至用更大的要求，繼續給婚姻關系加碼。在某種程度上，婚姻的成功正是在于其所創造的不滿足感。

　　似非而是的社會變更中，令人不安的因素是：改進帶來的是對更多的改進的需要，這種需要不斷地呈加速趨勢。所以，與過去的情況相比，社會大大地前進了；與可能出現的局面相比，社會卻大大地退步了。社會使人感到各種情況都糟透了，正是因為實際上它們如此美好的緣故。

　　另外一個存在的問題是所有一切都是暫時的，沒有什么東西是持久永恒的。我們是懷著這種想法長大的：為了個人的安全感，我們需要穩定，牢固，恒久以及相知。然而，我們生活的世界，無論從哪一方面來說，都是在不斷變化的。變化降臨得越來越快，從某種意義上說，變化已經成為一種生活方式。在明日的世界中，只有那些能夠接受并享受暫時性的人們才能成功地生活。

　　不要力求去減少人們的不滿足感，而要盡力提高不滿足感的水平和質量。或許，在當今的社會中，人們能夠最多希望的就是要產生高層次的不滿足感――對于真正重要的事情所產生的不滿足感。

　　注釋：

　　1.figure out 想出，理解，搞清

　　2.paradoxical adj.似非而是的

　　3.appealing adj.動人的，吸引人的

　　4.scarcely adv.幾乎不，簡直不

　　5.liability n.責任，義務，傾向

　　6.asset n.（有交換價值的）所有物，利益

　　7.spin vt.紡

　　8.plug n.插頭，插座

　　9.functional adj.實用的

　　10.affectional adj.感情方面的

　　11.the other way around 相反地，倒過來

　　12.brutality n.暴行

　　13.desertion n.離棄

　　14.by and large 大體上，總的說來

　　15.disturbing adj.引起煩惱的，令人不安的

　　16.way adv.遠遠地，大大地，非常

　　17.rotten adj.令人極不愉快的，極不幸的

　　18.consistency n.一貫，前后一致

　　19.in every respect 無論從哪一方面，在各方面

　　20.in a sense 從某種意義上說

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