英漢雙語笑話53
Reason of Punishment
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
懲罰的原因
一天，小女孩從學校回到家里，對媽媽說：“媽媽，今天在學校里我因為一件我沒有做的事情而受到懲罰。”
媽媽激動地說：“那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老師好好談一談，對了，你沒有做過的那件事是什么？”
小女孩回答說：“我的家庭作業。”
2.
Guns Buried in the Garden
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in
prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.
He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
埋在花園里的槍
一個老人獨居在北愛爾蘭，他的獨生子正在坐牢。老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰可以幫忙把泥土翻松。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬不要翻松花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”
第二天凌晨4點，一隊英國士兵出現在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但并沒有找到任何槍支。”
老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問到底發生了什么事情，下一步應該怎么做。
兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”
3.
My Boss and I
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.
I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
老板和我
我做事情花了長時間，是效率低；
老板做事情花了長時間，是深思熟慮。
我沒有做完事情，是懶惰；
老板沒有做完事情，是太繁忙。
沒有人告訴我的事情我做了，是自作聰明；
老板做了同樣的事情，是首創。
我取悅老板，是獻媚；
老板取悅他的老板，是合作。
我干得好，老板從來不會想起；
我干得不好，老板從來不會忘記。
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