見識一下上海乞丐的英語口語
星期五的下午5點，他在浦東機場下了飛機。友人告訴他，最好搭磁浮列車，因為這時候的上海，每一條大小馬路都鐵定塞車。
于是他搭了磁浮列車到了龍揚站，再轉地鐵到人民廣場站，從萬豪飯店方向走出地鐵站。
一切看來都很順利，前后花不到一個小時，他很慶幸自己聽了友人的忠告，也為自己的英明決策感到些許的自豪，他想，這下子應該趕得上友人的晚餐約會。
他拖著行李，準備攔輛出租車，這才發現上海周五傍晚的出租車嚴重缺貨。更要命的是，他攔了半天找不到出租車，反而讓自己長時間曝露在街頭的“危險地帶”，因而招來好幾個男男女女向他逼近。
他緊張得手心直冒汗，不知道接下來會發生什么事，這一身西裝革履外加大行李的扮相，連白癡都看得出來是外地人。但是人家不都說上海的治安全中國第一好嗎？他開始放眼搜尋，準備伺機向公安或路人求救。
“先生，給點錢買塊面包唄！”一個看來年紀五十開外的大娘首先發難，她啞著嗓子，好像聲帶里卡滿了灰塵，音質中透著悲情哀戚。
他很想掏個零錢讓她隨便買點什么，至少可以讓自己安心的叫出租車。但是又看到她身后那一列準備排隊進攻的人龍，他急了，覺得自己應該想個辦法來脫身。
“Sorry，I don't know how to speak Chinese（抱歉，我不懂中文）”他想到自己曾經用這招來擺脫臺北街頭的皮條客，那些皮條客總是一聽到英文就嚇得變啞巴閃人。
他故技重施，內心為自己的機智反應暗暗自豪，難怪人家都說聰明是天生的。
“No Problem，I can speak English，give me money，I'm hungry.（沒問題，我會說英文，給我錢，我肚子餓了）”一聽到他說英文，大娘立刻變成自動翻譯機，切換成英語頻道，而且發音比他標準還押韻，讓他強烈懷疑她在聯合國當過英文通譯。
他呆了，馬上一臉蒼白表情，顧不得一身的重裝，拖著行李在上海街頭拔腿狂奔，這下子，他終于知道上海這城市有多競爭了，連乞丐的英文都如此流利。
乞丐 英語 口語本文地址：http://www.hengchuai.cn/writing/humor/47129.html
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