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英文笑話:Court Jester

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  Actual word for word quotes from the witness stand:

  Q: What is your date of birth?

  A: July fifteenth.

  Q: What year?

  A: Every year.

  Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

  A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

  Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.

  A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

  Q: How long has he lived with you?

  A: Forty-five years.

  Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

  A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

  Q: And why did that upset you?

  A: My name is Susan.

  Q: And where was the location of the accident?

  A: Approximately milepost 499.

  Q: And where is milepost 499?

  A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

  Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

  A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

  Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

  A: After the accident?

  Q: Before the accident.

  A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

  Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?

  A: We both do.

  Q: Voodoo?

  A: We do.

  Q: You do?

  A: Yes, voodoo.

  Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

  A: Yes.

  Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

  A: Yes, sir.

  Q: What did she say?

  A: What disco am I at?

  Q: You were not shot in the fracas?

  A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

  Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

  A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

  But the witnesses don't have anything on the lawyers:

  Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

  Q: This myasthenia gravis――does it affect your memory at all?

  A: Yes.

  Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

  A: I forget.

  Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

  Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

  Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

  Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

  Q: Did he kill you?

  Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

  Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

  Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

  Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

  A: Yes.

  Q: And what were you doing at that time?

  Q: She had three children, right?

  A: Yes.

  Q: How many were boys?

  A: None.

  Q: Were there any girls?

  Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

  A: Yes.

  Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

  Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

  A: I went to Europe, Sir.

  Q: And you took your new wife?

  Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

  A: By death.

  Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

  Q: Can you describe the individual?

  A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

  Q: Was this a male, or a female?

  Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

  A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

  Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

  A: Oral.

  Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

  A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

  Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

  A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

  Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

  And the topper:

  Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

  A: No.

  Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

  A: No.

  Q: Did you check for breathing?

  A: No.

  Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

  A: No.

  Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

  A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

  Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

  A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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英文 笑話
本文標題:英文笑話:Court Jester - 英語笑話_英文笑話_英語幽默小故事
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