很多雅思寫作老師都說雅思很容易!因為雅思就語言而言，是很容易的，單詞可以用最簡單的，句子也可以不需要用多少從句，這個和其他國際考試如SAT的要求相差很遠;很多題目都是BBC上經常討論的話題，不象GRE的作文那么抽象;邏輯也就是簡單的因果關系，不象GMAT考試那么強調邏輯的推敲和分析。然而，很多學生在找我做雅思寫作輔導之前的分數是5分到5.5分，他們一直覺得雅思寫作突破要遠難于其他三項。

事實上，他們的低分是我總結為以下幾點：

1練習太少，沒有正規、足量寫過雅思作文

2沒有找專業老師診斷過文章，不知道自己文章里面不符合寫作評分的問題

3閱讀量較少，遇到題目沒有觀點思路，或平時語言練習不足，即使有觀點思路，但不能很好表述自己的想法

4語法沒有正規補齊，寫不出長句或一寫長句就四不像，句子構架或許對但句中邏輯混亂

5沒有積累過足夠的、不同寫作話題項的專門詞匯，一寫文章單詞使用就捉襟見肘

6最害人的是：投機心態下用國內考試的準備策略，企圖通過模板和套句蒙混過關

一般我在上課的時候，遇到文章有以上幾點問題的同學，很快速的就能判斷他平時的練習狀態、寫作的瓶頸和大體幾次考試的分數區間!

給大家看最近寫作精講課上我當堂矯正的兩個5.5左右的文章，他們兩的問題有相似的也有自己個性化的，你自己判斷你寫文章有沒有這樣的問題或上面我提到的失分點

題目

Some think that computer games are dangerous for children in every way; others think that computer games help children's development. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

(黑色是學生寫的，紅色是當時我的簡要評語和提問;我講評文章最關注的是按照評分項改邏輯和任務回應)

Case A

Nowadays, as the computer becomes increasingly common in every family, computer games are prevailing，accordingly all over the world, especially among children.

開頭段的重要功能之一是對文章題目的paraphrase，這里明顯缺失

In my opinion, although computer games have some harmful influences on children, the beneficial effects they bring go far beyond its detrimental influences.

Computer games can teach the young some experiences that cannot be learned from classes in schools.

For example, World of War craft is the world’s most famous online game which attracted an immense number of

children in various age levels by taking them to an virtual world and exhibiting the beauty of this world.

與上面的觀點和下面觀點的進一步論證都沒有任何必要邏輯關系，屬于湊字數的多余論證

By playing this computer game, children can learn the importance of cooperation and the necessary of every team member in their groups in their daily life.Thus this will help them to get along with their colleagues and reach success more easily in the future when they get jobs.

把這個結論和最開始的觀點結合在一起就發現結論并沒有對觀點有論證和闡述!而按照雅思評分的要求，每個觀點和立場都需要適當的拓展和論述是觀點邏輯完整!

換而言之，觀點加結論，甚至只有結論的觀點是不能在雅思中拿到分數的，這樣的寫作多見于中國的英語考試(如四六級)的試卷

However, playing computer games without any control can also be harmful to children. To be more specific, if children spend too much time on playing computer games can damage the eyesight of children which means they will have no choice but to wear a pair thick glasses to hide their myopic eyes.

Furthermore, playing too many computers will ruin children’s excellent studying habit and lead to not to study as hard as they can which will impede them from embracing an illuminating future.

與上面的問題一樣，觀點只是觀點或結論，沒有相應清晰的拓展和論述說明

另外第一個反方觀點的論述口語化現象嚴重

In a word, I think children will be benefited from the computer games if they can play them under control.

結尾單薄，潦草

Case B

With the rapid explosion of the computer and the internet these year globally, as one of the attractive and popular functions of PC, computer games gain increasing popularity and many children can not resist the temptation of it, which makes parents upset. Consequently the heated discussion is raised to argue whether the video games have positive or negative influence on children.

你的立場呢?作為第一段的功能，闡述清楚自己的立場(position)來表示出文章打算寫兩邊討論還是一邊支持很重要!

First of all, we must know that saying the game is bad in every aspect definitely makes no sense. Video games nowadays require a high intense of brain activities and a very powerful teamwork.

這里描述得是現象或者叫論證條件，那么對于青少年的好處是什么呢?沒有寫完整觀點的結論從而能使觀點與題目切合

Besides, lets take the Korea as an example that the new career called Gaming has been pushing the Korean GDP by 2-3%. It provides thousands of jobs to the public as professional gamers, gaming clubs, game journalists and commenters. The championship of gaming provides a bonus up to a million dollars to the attending clubs. As the result, Korea becomes the biggest gaming country in the world.

此段和題目沒有一毛錢關系!本文不是論證電腦游戲的好處，而是電腦游戲能給青少年的成長帶來什么好的影響!任務回應不成立!

However, games harming children is unarguably the truth to certain extent. As a product that just rise, it still has a long road forward, such as the teenagers limits.

略顯空洞的句子，并看不出論證的實際功能和含義!青少年限制是什么意思?而且和下面的段落缺少銜接過渡，外部邏輯會失分

It is not a news that lots of students drop their study for games, becoming a professional gamer to win a million dollars sounds like a good plan for future, but just like the athletes or artists, only a very few amounts of player could finally succeed.

為什么輟學或放棄學業?直接壞處是什么?你的觀點推導的結論是什么?寫雅思作文請不要繞彎子，直接寫清楚!另外文章是討論電腦游戲對青少年的害處，你寫的是成功率低于是就有害了嗎?

正如我課上講解的，任務回應和邏輯評分要求緊扣文章題目的問題寫!

Further more, although a proper exercise can enhance the eye sight, when you get addicted to the game, there is no good for both your physical and mental health.

這里不形成讓步，用although這樣的鏈接詞不太合適!另外，上癮后就會造成身理、心理傷害是為什么?該觀點只是結論，沒有任何適當的拓展和論述，不成立!

Overall, we should work out a moderate and neutral plan for the gaming occupation in order to direct more teenagers to a right and brighter way.

文章的任務回應和邏輯有明顯欠缺!

句子的語法偏誤有不少，單詞使用倒是可以接受，但固定搭配的詞伙和教育類專項常見詞使用較少!

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