Cat and Mice貓和老鼠

Mrs. Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

"What's in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs. Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

"So is the cat," whispered Mrs. Brown.

布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友，她拿著一個頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子。“盒子里裝的是什么？”朋友問道。“一只小貓，”布朗夫人回答說，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友說。“小貓也是假想的。”布朗夫人小聲說道。

Goethe's Tolerance歌德的容忍

Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.

一詞，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道：“我從來不給傻瓜讓路。” “可我給。”說完歌德退到了一邊。

The Mean Man's Party 吝嗇鬼的聚會

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“天哪！” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧？”

Lincoln’s Birthday 林肯的生日

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

老師：1809年發生了什么重大事件？

小威利：亞伯拉罕-林肯誕生。

老師：正確。那么1812年發生了什么重要事件呢？

小威利：亞伯拉罕-林肯過他的三周歲生日。

Marriage Cost 結婚付出的代價

A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?

The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

一個小男孩問他的爸爸，結婚要花多少錢？爸爸說：我不知道，因為我仍然在付帳。

Secret For a Long Life長壽秘訣

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。

“我無意中發現，你是多么幸福，”那女士說。“你幸福而長壽的秘密是什么？”

“我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。”

“哦，真神奇，”女士說。“你高壽？”

“二十六。”

How Much Is It? 多少錢？

It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, "Look, Joe! Isn't that beautiful!"

He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" and took his money out to pay for it.

It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!"

Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?"

嚴冬來臨，荷曼太太想采購一大批東西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的時候，她拖著他去商店付錢連帶拎包裹。他們去了許多商店，荷曼太太買了一大堆東西。她經常停下腳步說道：“看，喬伊!那個多漂亮!”

他總是回答：“好吧!親愛的，多少錢？”然后掏錢去付款。

他們從最后一家商店出來的時候夜幕已經降臨，荷曼先生已精疲力盡了。他心里想著其它事情，比如在家里暖暖的火爐邊呷口美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，說道：“看那月亮多美，喬伊!”

荷曼先生不加思索答道：“好吧，親愛的，多少錢？”

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