英漢雙語笑話68
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours．Then he started again，and said he：“Let me ask the evolutionist a question—if we had tails like a baboon，where are they？”
“I'll venture an answer，” said an old lady．“We have worn them off sitting here so long．”
我們的尾巴
教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我來試試看，”一位老太太說。“該是我們在這里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧。”
2.
I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read．There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian．”It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces．The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him．
The lesson was to begin．The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed．The master looked over him，and his hand was ready．I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ；but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：
Master．“Now，young man，have a care ；or I'll set you a swingeing task．”（A common phrase of his．）
Pupil（making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”）．Missionary Can you see the wind？
（Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek．）
Pupil（raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop）．“Indian No！”
Master．“Zounds，young man！have a care how you provoke me！”
Pupil（always forgetting the stop）．Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing？”
（Here a terrible thump．）
Pupil（with a shout of agony）． Indian Because I feel it．”
誦讀課
李·亨特
當年我有個同學，入學比常規的年齡要遲，而且幾乎完全不會讀書。那時有個學生用的閱讀課本，叫做《傳教士和印第安人的對話》。課本不怎么樣，盡是不得要領的論說和一些老生常談。那孩子常常手拿該課本出現在學校中央，身后站著教師。
授課即將開始。那可憐的學生的毛病在于他讀音節時語調深沉地拖長腔并略去應有的停頓。他站立著，三心二意地看著書，一面向身子右邊瞄去，因為打擊將會來自那個方向。教師盯視著他，手已擺出了打人的架勢。因為時隔已久，我的引述可能不很確切，但就我所憶，先生和學生的一次對話的要旨大致如下：
老師：“年輕人，小心點；要不我可要讓你狠狠吃點苦頭。”（這是他的口頭禪。）
學生：（大難臨頭，身體猛然一搖閃，根本記不得在“傳教士”一詞后應該停頓。）“傳教士你能看見風嗎？”
（教師扇了他一耳光。）
學生：（提高了嗓音，幾乎是在哭喊，但仍不記得要停頓）“印第安人不能啊！”
教師：“該死！年輕人，小心點別惹我發火！”
學生：（一如既往漏掉停頓）“傳教士那你怎么知道有這樣一種東西呢？”
（這時來了重重一擊。）
學生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因為我感覺到了。”
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