1.

Accident

Workman：“Mr．Brown，I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages． I have just been married．”

Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I can't helpyou． For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not responsible．”

事故

工人：“布朗先生，我想請您給我加一點(diǎn)工資。我剛剛結(jié)了婚。”

雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我無能為力。對(duì)工人在廠外發(fā)生的事故我們概不負(fù)責(zé)。”

2.

An Explanation of Tardiness

In some Government offices the clerks， upon arrival in themorning， have to sign their names in an“attendance book”．This book provides space for signature， time of arrival， and“remarks”． Ten minutes after the hour an official draws a redline under the last arrival's name， and all those coming subsequently are expected to furnish an explanation of their tardinessin the“remarks” column．

When a real“London particular①” occurs the number“below the line” is legion ；the first of them wirtes：“Delayedby fog，” and the rest scribble a“ditto”．

One morning—a foggy one—Mr． Jones became a proud father；but even this only caused him to be about eleven minutes late． Proudly he wrote in explanation：“Wife had twins，”which was followed in due course by the usual string of “ditto's”！

遲到的原因

在一些政府機(jī)關(guān)里，每天早晨到達(dá)辦公室時(shí)職員們都要在一本“簽到簿”上簽上他們的名字。這本簽到簿留出空格簽名，寫簽到時(shí)間，還有“備注”。上班時(shí)間過后十分鐘，一個(gè)官員就在最后一個(gè)人的名字下面劃一道紅線。以后來的每一個(gè)人都必須在“備注”欄里注明遲到的原因。

當(dāng)真正的“倫敦大霧”出現(xiàn)的時(shí)候，“紅線以下”的名字就很多。第一個(gè)遲到的人寫上“因大霧延誤時(shí)間”，其他的人，在下面草草寫上“丷”（同上）。

一天早上——一個(gè)大霧迷漫的早晨——瓊斯先生驕傲地當(dāng)上了父親；但即使是這種事也只讓他遲到了十一分鐘。他自豪地寫上他的原因：“妻子生了一對(duì)雙胞胎，”到一定的時(shí)候，這個(gè)解釋下面照例又跟了一串“丷”。

3.

What Was It She Wanted？

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？”

“Rain．” said the clerk．

她要買什么？

一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽見一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來也不會(huì)有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現(xiàn)在你說她要買什么？”

4.

我想不到已經(jīng)往回跑了這么遠(yuǎn)！

A big battle was going on during the First World War．Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere．After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle． After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim． The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going？”

“I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered．

“Do you know who I am？” the officer said to him angrily．“I'm your commanding officer．”

The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already！”

第一次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，一場大戰(zhàn)役正在進(jìn)行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過了一個(gè)小時(shí)后，一個(gè)士兵認(rèn)定戰(zhàn)斗對(duì)他來說變得太危險(xiǎn)了，所以他離開前線開始逃離戰(zhàn)場。步行了一個(gè)小時(shí)之后，他看見一個(gè)軍官向他走過來。那軍官叫住他說：“你要到哪兒去？”

“長官，我正盡可能遠(yuǎn)地躲開我們身后正在進(jìn)行的戰(zhàn)役，”士兵回答說。

“你知道我是誰嗎？”軍官生氣地對(duì)他說：“我是你的指揮官。”

那士兵聽到此話感到非常驚訝，說：“天哪，我想不到我已經(jīng)往回跑了這么遠(yuǎn)了！”

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