免费黄网站-免费黄网站在线看-免费黄色-免费黄色a-亚洲va欧美va国产-亚洲va中文字幕欧美不卡

手機版

Humanity VS. the IRS

閱讀 :

  Note: The following letter was distributed over the H. & R. Block tax network as a real letter submitted to the IRS in the midst of 1994's weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions, and credits.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Dear Sirs:

  I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil & expensive. It's only fair that since they are minors and not my responsibility that the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to expect over the next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction.

  This year they are yours!

  The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name.

  Taxes should be a breeze; next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. While you mull that over keep in mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment, so you have the immediate decision of appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix the vehicle or getting up early to drive her to school.

  Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy. While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of abstinence, and in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always uncomfortable and I am quite relieved you will be handling this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate Joycelyn Elders, who had a rather good handle on the problem.

  Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little close together for normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself one day if you do not incarcerate him first. In February I was awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future would you like him delivered to the local IRS office or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what's the big deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time as he is sitting out a few days of school after instigating a food fight. I'll take care of filing your phone number with the vice principal.

  Oh yes, he and all of his friends have raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more peaceful when he lives in your home. Do not leave any of them unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, inflatables, vehicles, or telephones. (I'm sure that you will find telephones a source of unimaginable amusement, and be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!)

  Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared quite by magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately you will be raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. Hooked On Phonics is expensive so the schools dropped it. Good news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of the deduction that you are denying! It's quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask the other two) so they have helped raise this one to a new level of terror. She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the hood/reggae/yuppie/political doublespeak. I don't. The school sends her to a speech pathologist who has her roll her R's. It added a refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, pants baggy and wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me but I am sure that you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, as she sort of "nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move the entire thing than find out what it is really made of. You denied two of the three exemptions so it is only fair you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest. I still go bankrupt with Kristen's college but then I am free! If you take the two oldest. then I still have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls then I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy.

  Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and to make a down payment on an airplane.

  Yours Truly,

  Bob

更多 英語笑話英語小笑話英文笑話英語幽默小故事,請繼續關注 英語作文大全

英語 笑話
本文標題:Humanity VS. the IRS - 英語笑話_英文笑話_英語幽默小故事
本文地址:http://www.hengchuai.cn/writing/humor/40992.html

上一篇:Charitable Dededuction 下一篇:Money Talks

相關文章

  • 英文廣告的幽默:妙趣橫生的雙關語

    《新概念英語》這套地道的英語學習教材中有許多經典的修辭手法,如比喻、擬人、夸張、反語等,這些方法的運用使得新概念中的文章篇篇成為了經典...

    2018-10-29 英語笑話
  • Father's Thing

      When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.  Mr. Howard did not...

    2018-12-07 英語笑話
  • 我明天必須拍一個很大的場景

      A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.   A week later, the...

    2018-11-28 英語笑話
  • Kid Joke(60)

      A little girl asked her mother,“Can I go outside and play with the boys?”Her mother replied,“No,you can‘t play with the boys,they’re too rough.”The little girl thought about it for a few mome...

    2018-12-31 英語笑話
  • 幽默榨汁

    On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male...

    2018-11-19 英語笑話
  • 那些妙趣橫生的英語幽默故事30:照相機

    那些妙趣橫生的英語幽默故事Camera 照相機 On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera....

    2018-10-30 英語笑話
  • 英國學生考試答題笑話百出

    無論是筆誤也好,無知也罷,學生們在考試和論文中犯的種種錯誤常令教師們啼笑皆非。一年一度的《泰晤士報高等教育雜志》(the times higher educa...

    2018-10-29 英語笑話
  • 英漢雙語笑話41

    1. Churchill and Bernard Shaw Winston Churchill was Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II. He was a fat and short man. George Bernard Shaw was a famous writ...

    2018-11-20 英語笑話
  • 一位金發女郎拖著疲憊的身軀進了醫生診室

    An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself into the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wi...

    2018-11-26 英語笑話
  • 班集和笨驢Class and Ass--雙語幽默笑話

    Class and Ass班和笨驢 Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today." 格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門上貼了這樣一個通知:“勞里教授今天不見...

    2018-10-29 英語笑話
你可能感興趣
主站蜘蛛池模板: 欧美日韩国产在线观看一区二区三区 | 日本精品久久 | 99视频在线观看视频一区 | 99九九99九九九视频精品 | 亚洲美女视频在线观看 | freesexvideo性欧美tv2021 | 欧美在线观看成人高清视频 | 国产日韩精品一区在线不卡 | 日本精品久久久久久久久免费 | 在线观看精品国产 | 成人影院久久久久久影院 | 久久精品免视着国产成人 | 五月激情丁香婷婷综合第九 | 国产成人丝袜视频在线视频 | 一级毛片韩国 | 成人在线视频免费观看 | 久久精品国产国产精品四凭 | 国产欧美日韩精品一区二 | 国产一区二区三区在线观看精品 | 欧美一级xxxx俄罗斯一级 | 久久国产经典视频 | 亚洲欧美一区二区三区久久 | 一级欧美一级日韩 | 欧美高清视频手机在在线 | 亚洲国产成人久久笫一页 | 男女免费视频网站 | 成人a毛片免费视频观看 | 国产亚洲精品九九久在线观看 | 成人爽a毛片在线视频网站 成人爽爽大片在线观看 | 久久久久久88色愉愉 | 国产成人三级 | 亚洲精品第五页中文字幕 | 国产裸体美女视频全黄 | 中国内地毛片免费高清 | 看一级毛片国产一级毛片 | 成人性视频在线三级 | 亚洲国产另类久久久精品小说 | 波多野结衣一区在线 | 日产国产精品久久久久久 | 日韩三级在线免费观看 | 亚洲第一男人天堂 |