英漢雙語笑話58
All professions can yield a man enough to live on，—except professions of faith．
When attending the performance of some modern operas，it has struck me that the conductor was only beating time because he could not beat the composer．
If in the sight of the law all men are equal， Heaven save us from getting into its sight．
When you want to get rid of a dog， you take off his collar；—when the king wants to get rid of a minister， he give shim the collar—of the Order of the Annunziata．
The place where they ruin people's voices， and throw aside all the canons of art，is called the Conservatoire；and a hospital full of sick peopk is called a“house of health”（Casadi Salute）．
Among the many motives which induce me to stay away from the theatre is the utter absence of all motive in modernoperas．
How many old phrases are required to make a new electoral programme！
All musical notes may express cheerful ideas； it is only thenotes of creditors which arouse none but melancholy reflections．
I entered the shop of a pork butcher at the moment when his son， aged eight， was returning from school． The poor boy was weeping bitterly．
“The old story！”exclaimed his parent ；“I suppose you did not learn your lessons， and the master called you an ass， as you deserved！”
“Yes！” replied the child， sobbing，“he did call me an ass，—and then—”
“Well，—and then —what else？”
“He said，‘well， after all， it is no wonder—like father，like son！’”
“Did he，indeed？the animal！”exclaimed the porkbutcher．“And to think that perhaps he has not yet eaten the whole of those two sausages I sent him at Christmas！”
閑人遐思
“眠者不得魚”——但醒者一生時時刻刻捕到的卻是螃蟹。
各種職業都可賴以為生——除了信仰的宣言。
觀看某些現代歌劇演出時，我忽然悟到，指揮之所以僅僅只是打拍子，是因為他打不著作曲者。
上天保佑我們別進入法律的視界，即使在法律看來人人平等。
你不想要某條狗了，就取下它的領圈——當國王想擺脫某大臣，就給他戴上領飾——圣母瑪麗亞榮譽騎士團的領飾①。
毀壞人們的噪音并拋棄一切藝術法規的地方叫作音樂學校（Conservatoire）；住滿病人的醫院則被稱為“健康之屋”（Casa di Salute）。
種種動機促使我躲開劇院，其中之一就是因為現代歌劇完全沒有主題②。
得用多少老詞兒，才能編一套新的選舉綱領！
所有的音符都能表達歡樂的思想；唯獨債權人的信函③喚起的全是憂愁的念頭。
我走進殺豬屠夫的鋪子，他八歲的兒子正好放學回家。
那可憐的孩子哭得好傷心。
“準又是老事重演！”他父親吼道，“我想一定是你沒記住功課，老師罵你是蠢驢來著，你也就配挨罵！”
“不錯，”孩子回答，一邊抽泣著，“他確實叫我蠢驢來著，—然后—”
“然后——還有什么？”
“他說，‘說來倒也不奇怪——有其父必有其子?！?
“他真這么說了？那個畜生！”殺豬的大喊，“而且想想看，我過圣誕送他的整整兩大根肉腸只怕還并沒吃完呢！
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