英漢雙語笑話20

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1.

A Dying Man's Favorite Cookies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

臨死者最愛吃的小甜餅

　　一位瀕臨死亡的老人正躺在他的床上，承受著死亡的煎熬。突然一股香味順著樓下飄了上來，那正是他最喜歡的巧克力小薄餅的味道。他用盡吃奶的力氣掙扎著從床上爬了起來，倚著墻，慢慢地走出了臥室，并且用最后的力量用雙手抓住扶手走下了樓梯。老人靠在門框上，嘴里喘著氣，眼睛凝神著廚房。

　　如果不是因為承受著臨死的痛苦，老人會認為自己到了天堂。那里，在廚房鋪著報紙的桌子上，確切地說有數(shù)百個他最喜歡吃的巧克力小薄餅。真在天堂嗎？還是他那離婚妻子的最后一次英雄般的愛心顯示，以便讓他開心地離開這個世界？

　　集中最后的力量，老人跪著雙膝掙扎著移向桌子。他口干舌燥，嘴巴張開。他感受到了美妙的甜餅味道，仿佛要將他帶回人世。他的一只年邁干癟的手顫顫悠悠地伸向桌子邊緣的一只小甜餅。突然，他妻子扔過一把鏟子，砸在他的手上。

　　“離遠點”，他妻子說。“這是為你的葬禮準備的。”

2.

My Husband Will Be Home Soon

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

我丈夫馬上就要回來了

一個已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時，女朋友要求他剃去胡須。

“噢，詹姆斯，我喜歡你的胡子，但我更喜歡看到你英俊的面孔。”

詹姆斯回答說，“我的妻子喜歡我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會殺了我的。”

“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說道。

“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜歡這胡子。”

在女朋友再三請求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時，詹姆斯爬上了床。

妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來了。”

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